Shhhh! Private message for Ukulele Ike, SaxFace and ChiefScott!

Boy, is everyone gonna be disappointed when they read it’s just me saying “my E-mails’ down.”

Ike—I may be in the newest New Yorker after all, though I couldn’t find myself on the newsstand. Do you have a copy at work? If I’m there, can ya fax me the page at (212) 455-1010? Thanks!

Sax—Nothing special, just E’d to see if you had as hellish a Sunday as I did.

Chief—I heard from my publisher, who said Stars & Stripes is very difficult to get into and they will not be carrying my book. They suggest getting in touch with them directly and they’ll get it to you if ya want.

—E-less Eve

Thanks, Eve.

Guess I’ll wait to get back to the States to lay my hands on it. That August commission check’ll just be huge!


Homepage: http://www.bigfuckinboatwithbadassplanes.mil
Occupation: Swabbie Pounder, First Class
Location: Anywhere you feckless landlubbers ain’t.
Interests: Navy Chow, Port of Call, The Head, Air Superiority
ICQ Number: CVN69 – An UncleBeer Profile

“Avast and ahoy, landlubbers! Shore leave’s in August. Hide your women.” – A WallySig

Okay, guys, it’s yet another private message from Eve for the three Dopers with easy access to nuclear weapons. Get out yer decoder rings.

OK, Chief—I’ll have them keep a copy in the oven for you.

Ike, I found that mention, in the April 17 issue—it’s not MUCH better than nothing, but a tad. It’s on page 24, if you blink you’ll miss it. So no need to fax anything.

Private message received, thank you Eve!

Yes, Mrs. Ape moves the piano at night.

Sax—Tell Miss Runcible not to toss the match [winking, laying finger aside nose].

%$#@%#@&% ring.

Now, does she mean Toledo, Spain, or Toledo, Ohio?

News flash! I need to break my cover shortly. (looks around nervously)

The tomatoes are riper than the carrots. I repeat, the tomatoes are riper than the carrots. This news was given to me by a woman sitting on a blue chair next to a green table with a red lamp. (blue chair, green table, red lamp.)

Uke, I’m surprised at you. She means “The Toledo.” Ya know, the Mexican joint between 5th Ave and Madison on E. 36th St. Sheesh.

The Toledo
6 E. 36th St
New York, New York 10016-3330
212-696-5036

Eve (or should I say v) I can sympathize with your e-mail-lessness. But don’t you think it’s a trifle unwise to post a personal phone number, even a fax one, on this board. Hell, having seen some of the loonies here, I don’t even mention what town I live in.

Ohio it is.

(pssssst…that’s not really Eve’s fax number, it’s George Steinbrenner’s. So all those mash notes and clinically obscene photos you guys have been faxing since this afternoon? They’re all going where they’ll do the most good.)

  • Actually * Little Nemo, you were considered for the job of Eve’s courier ** until ** she found out that you were overqualified for the job.

She caught the post where you detected UncleBeer’s Figgy Pudding recipe mistake, and was * most impressed *.

But, unfortunately, she also saw the way you blew off the Jamie Lee Curtis issue, going past the ovary problem straight for the royal title. ** Made you just too conspicuous *

:::::whisper::::red herring::::green lampshade::::royal purple:::::::::::::

Better luck next time, old bean!


“Please Disregard the Following.”

WTF???

Nobody ever tells me anything. Do we meet at the oak tree or the safe house?

“The E-mail is working.” Get it?

Oh, that wasn’t actually a fax number, it was code. If you reverse it—0101554212—it will all become VERY CLEAR.

—Mata Machree (“the woman no man can resist”)

Oh, Paul is NOT dead…Paul’s WIFE is dead. And he’s carrying on with a model young enough to be his daughter.

Be at Leso, man.


Uke

“The one-legged model is a vegan.” [a wink is as good as a nod]

No news is good news.

Your turn.

Agent Bucky

Bucky, the tickets are in the tree, get them by twelve, or all will be lost.

“Please Disregard the Following.”

LISTEN EVERYONE. STOP VIOLATING NATIONAL SECURITY OR I WILL BE FORCED TO CONTACT FORMERAGENT. HE WORKS IN THE SAME BUILDING I DO SO I SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND HIM IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. WHO IS YOUR MODERATOR? WHERE IS MY POISON DART UMBRELLA? WHY IS MY CAPLOCK KEY STUCK?

The April meeting of the SDMB Illuminati will now come to order…