Polite people do not intrude on others or deliberately take actions that other people find threatening.
Saying hello to strangers as you walk on the street by certainly isn’t a social norm anyplace I’ve ever lived. Every city I’ve lived in the only strangers who said hello to me on the street were without exception about to ask me for money. Maybe it’s different in east bumfuck Missouri, but no way that shit would fly in any large size urban area I’ve ever lived.
It’s probably inappropriate but not always. It all depends on body language.
If Bone sees a girl reading a book but she doesn’t look at him and is clearly uninterested in talking then he should just let it go.
If she looks up at him, makes eye contact but continues to have a neutral or closed body posture then he should just let it go.
If she looks at him and smiles then I see nothing wrong with him saying “I’ve read that book, I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I did”. If she just says something like “I am, thanks” but doesn’t try to talk further then he should just let it go, but when one of them leaves it’s cool to say “have a good night”
If she engages in conversation though then by all means, talk. If the conversation is fun then asking her for coffee is perfectly fine.
The important thing is, don’t butt in to force her attention if she’s not giving you any. But sometimes people do catch each others eyes on the street and will give non verbal cues that it’s ok to chat. Just be polite and don’t try to force anything that isn’t there because that’s when it gets uncomfortable.
If you would have bothered to read the thread, you’d have seen that we’ve been talking about behavior in general for a while now and that has become the crux of the debate. I think we’re all in agreement that the behavior in that video was unacceptable.
“Proximity of the hello deserves to be risked?” I have no idea what the hell you are talking about there. When I say hello to anyone, I don’t require any sort of return.
Also, since they are a stranger, how would I know how they are asking to be treated. All I’m doing is operating off of societal norms, where people acknowledge each other. How the holy fuck does any of this translate into me approaching strangers and reading to them from “Calatin’s Book of How the World Should Work?”
And, again, I’m a gay man, so when I say hello to a woman, the last thing I’m interested about is what’s in her pants. Same thing about when I say hello to guys.
As someone who has lived in three 1,000,000+ population cities, I’ve had quite a different experience. Although, if your on-line persona is any indication of how you act in real life, I can’t say I’m surprised.
When I was younger (12 to mid 30’s), yes. It’s why I started carrying pepper spray, assorted knives, and where legally permissible a firearm.
It’s not hard at all. When people tell me something I’m doing makes them feel uncomfortable, I stop doing it. This doesn’t happen very frequently.
I have a few friends who say it makes them uncomfortable when cars pass them, especially SUVs. I’m sure they aren’t the only ones. So, does it now fall on me never to pass another car again while I’m driving?
I’ve lived in several of the largest cities in the US, and visited dozens more. Your behavior would be out of place in all of them.
Didn’t you find it a little awkward to throw a passive-aggressive snipe into a complaint about another person? Perhaps this lack of introspection is what leads you to believe your behavior is socially acceptable?
Ever been to Dallas? Hell, even in D.C., if you’d say “hello,” most people would return in kind.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t maintain your level of class, alluding that I live in east bumfuck Missouri, calling me an idiot numerous times, etc.
And by the way, I thought we were agreed that we were done.
That’s up to you. You have to weigh the value of passing cars against the possibility of making people feel uncomfortable.
I weighed the value of making unsolicited greetings to strange women against the possibility of making people feel uncomfortable, and it was an easy decision – making unsolicited greetings to strange women holds no value to me, so it was easy for me to decide not to do that ever again.
If several people told me that being passed on the highway made them feel uncomfortable, I would try not to do it. Sometimes I probably would anyway – I’d risk making people feel uncomfortable to save a massive inconvenience – but I would try to do it less often.
I live in Dallas and acknowledge most people I pass on the street. Doesn’t matter if you’re man, woman, old, young, pretty, or ugly. If we’re walking past each other most people will make eye contact and give a nod of the head, a slight smile, or even a simple Hi or Good Morning. But if a person I’m approaching doesn’t make any eye contact with me I’ll not say anything at all to them because I know they aren’t interested in being acknowledged.
That sounds like the worst hell I can possibly imagine.
This is not anything but an honest question, so please do not take it as anything but. I see that you live in Arlington. Do you take the Metro (or other public transit) or do you drive? I only say this because I cannot fathom driving and never passing anyone, no matter how slow they are going. It’s part of the “experience” of driving.
Similarly, being pleasant / agreeable is part of the social contract. I know plenty of people who have their day brightened when someone says “hello” or offers some other acknowledgement of their existence. It would be pointless to try to quantify the pleasure versus the discomfort, but there are always going to be things that make people uncomfortable. If I ever run across the poor soul who is going to be trembling in fear when I offer a quick smile, nod and a hello, well, I will apologize if they choose to tell me that it has put them in a state of discomfort, but until then, I feel like there is a certain amount of hyperbole in this thread.
People are either not understanding my intended “interaction,” or there are people out there who have sensitivities that make me wonder how they function in society.
I take the Metro, and I love it. We (wife and I) don’t drive much, and I don’t miss it at all. We almost never drive into DC.
I do the quick smile and nod – no one has ever told me that makes them feel uncomfortable. I don’t offer the greeting unless they do.
I’m sure they function fine – they just sometimes feel mildly uncomfortable. I strive to not make anyone feel uncomfortable, and it costs me nothing, so I refrain from the unsolicited greeting if it’s a woman (and especially a young woman).
I called you an idiot because you said idiotic things. That’s on you, not me.
By the way, the fact that you can do something and not get arrested for it doesn’t make it a social norm. I’ve spent plenty of time in DC. People there simply don’t walk down the street saying hello to each other. Did you not notice the entire time you were in DC that you were acting differently than everyone else? Hint: if no one else is doing it, it ain’t a social norm.
If you believed that, then you wouldn’t be trying to defend the men saying “Hello”. Try this, repeat after me: “I, Calatin, think that the men in the video saying ‘Hello’ and greeting the actress are wrong to have done so and are harassing her”
Upthread, you claimed that you cannot conceive of a “Hello” was " an immediate precursor to offensive contact". I asked you why does it matter if its immediate. That’s the “proximity” to which I was referring to. What does it matter if the offensive contact happens right after or hours or days later? Why should a woman even risk it for almost no gain?
I and others are trying to change societal norms to where unsolicited acknowledgements are eliminated or kept to a minimum, given the context. Women have explained to you why that should be so and this video, for example, details the pervasiveness in which harassment happens. So here’s my question: why not change your behavior in light of these examples? Why are you stubbornly refusing to acknowledge such forms of street harassment and defending your right to behave in a manner that is unwanted according to many women?
Do you think that because you are gay, you have some right to be intrusive to women?
Yeah, when I lived there, I couldn’t fathom having a car there. That’s in part the reason I asked. Where I live now, if I didn’t pass certain cars, my commute would be considerably longer. (I’m not speeding or driving reckless when I do so)
So, honestly, in your situation, what’s the difference between your “quick smile and nod,” and me doing the same, but adding “hi?” I honestly don’t see much of a difference. At that point, you’ve already acknowledged them and it’s not as if you are attempting to engage them in conversation.
So, how does that one word make all the difference? I just can’t see that as having so much importance that it goes from a pleasant interaction to something that would rattle a person.
True. I shouldn’t be amazed by the ever-present cries of “What I say is totally harmless, so therefore it’s okay!” (even though it’s been established the circumstances might make it inappropriate – by God, it’s there right, dontcha know?) and my favorite, “She shouldn’t be shocked, considering how she was dressed!” (when in jeans and a t-shirt). I really should expect it. But I hate putting people on ignore, not because it’s a bad feature like some might suggest. No, it’s because it disrupts my reading the boards easily. Of course, skipping that inane drivel by having to scroll past so much of it isn’t an improvement over knowing that blank spot is another idiot spewing moronic screeds that they themselves don’t even believe if applied to their loved ones. It’s just tiresome and lame.
Ugh. Here we go, again. One more time, the conversation and debate evolved beyond the video, as to what is acceptable in general conduct. For the love of all that is good and holy, read the entire thread. Stop trying to put it in terms of the video, read the whole damn thread, and then we’ll talk, if I haven’t left for dinner. It should answer the majority of your questions and claims.