Should a bridemaid wear beige?

I’m a bit upset right now at my bridesmaid. I only have two bridemaids, they are very different, and I told them they could choose their own dresses, but I get to veto if I don’t like it. Well, my best friend had a dress made. She showed me a pattern which I thought was cute, and she showed me the fabrics she chose, which included a sort of toile print in pink and green over a beige background for the skirt. I thought it would be ok since the top of the dress was to be pink.

Then we went shopping not too long ago and she kept saying her dress was beige. This started to really worry me because my wedding dress is champagne colored, it is not remotely white at all. She assured me that it would be fine, that once I saw it I would see that it was OK. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I figured she would know what was appropriate and what wasn’t - after all she’s been a bride, too.

Well, last night she showed me the dress. It is made entirely out of the beige fabric. There is no pink fabric whatsoever. It does have the pink and green print but the overall impression is that it is beige! I am pretty upset. She had the dress specially made and is now upset with me because I don’t like it and she can tell I don’t like it.

Well, I’m the one who trusted her so I’m not totally innocent in this mess. But the dress looks quite different than the dress she originally intended and that I OK’d. I am really pissed off at her! She knows what my dress looks like! How could she possibly think it is appropriate to wear a beige dress? I am astonished that it seems to have not even crossed her mind. At this point it is basically too late for her to get another dress. I could make her get a new one, but it would put a serious rift between us and that’s the last thing I want because the wedding is in twelve days. I know I’m just going to have to grin and bear it, but I am aghast that it even had to come to this. Am I nuts? I have gotten to the point of planning where my brain is going in five directions at once, so I know I need to try and keep things in perspective. I am going to have my other bridesmaid stand between us, to separate us so we don’t blend together. I have 12 days to get over this. But I can’t believe she did it in the first place. What was she thinking???

Am I a bridezilla? Or is she being extremely insensitive?

Sorry. I think you are being a Bridezilla, well, Bridezilla-ish, well you’re nitpicking nits that don’t need to be picked and stressing yourself out over a real nothing. Unless your dress has pink and green toile print and her dress has a train and a veil, no one is going to mix you two up.

I know. No one will mix us up - I’ll be the one with the veil and the huge glittery dress. Which is why I’m just telling myself to get over it instead of making her come up with another dress at the last minute. But I do feel like it should have never come to this in the first place.

In answer to your title question, beige is actually a very common bridesmaid color these days. Well, not beige specifically, but very very pale colors that do in fact blend in with white/off white/champaign. I’ll see if I can find a picture.

As for whether or not you are being a bridezilla, well, if any dress choice was something that was going to upset you this much then you probably should have picked the dress out for them, as is the custom.


Count to 10.

Repeat after me, “In two weeks, I’ll be married and this won’t matter.”

That really is the only important thing about a wedding- at the end, you’ll be married. If you’re lucky, nobody will get arrested and everyone who was speaking to someone else before the wedding will still be doing so afterward. The rest is details.

Is it possible that the dress turned out differently from what your friend wanted? If she got it back shortly before the wedding and it wasn’t what she was picturing, there’s probably not much anybody could do about it.

If you put the non-beige maid between yourself and the beige one, it will probably be OK. Since it’s too late anyway, try not to get too overwrought about it.

Here’s some cream-clad bridesmaids, dressed very similarly to the bride.

My sis, who will be married in November, has picked out beige dresses for her bridesmaids. Her dress will be cream colored.

Yeah, I think you’re overreacting a bit. I had the same deal with the people standing up for us – wear whatever you want, it’s an outdoor summer wedding, so just be comfortable. My sisters showed up wearing black, as if they were going to a funeral instead of a wedding. <shrug>. They were happy, they looked beautiful, so who cares?

There are SO many worse infractions a friend could pull (sleeping with your fiancé, for instance!), that picking a similarly-colored dress to yours is well below the radar on the “really pissed off at her” scale. Take a deep breath and forget about it. The day is about so many more important things than that! She loves you, and you know that. Don’t be mad at her over something so trivial.

oooohhhhh. But, you all look so pretty! I love black and white weddings - very elegant. And, the black set off those colorful bouquets so well.

hangs head Sorry, for the hijack…

I don’t know if I’m the only one to have heard this, but unless specified by the bride, aren’t light colors, worn the wedding party especially, off limits? Isn’t the focus supposed to be on the bride and groom? I was always told that only the bride can wear white or light colors, unless the bride has said otherwise.

I see two issues here.

First, is it inappropriate for a bridesmaid to wear beige? My answer is no. These days, bridesmaids are wearing every color under the sun, and beige/cream colors are very popular (in my personal wedding-going experience) right now.

Second, is it inappropriate that your personal bridesmaid is wearing beige after you approved a dress that didn’t seem that beige when the pattern was presented to you? I agree this is unfortunate, certainly. If at all possible, I would try to give the bridesmaid the benefit of the doubt – if changes needed to be made (fabric was discontinued so a similar fabric was offered, etc), she could honestly believe the changes were very minor and not enough to go back to the drawing board. And it is sometimes hard to judge what one will think of a dress from the pattern, so it’s possible that the dress is very close to her vision of it from the pattern (that you approved), while it is significantly different from the impression you had. This is a subjective thing. I don’t think I would go so far as to say your friend was inappropriate, because that implies some hard and fast rule was broken.

I think asking her to get another dress at this point would result in more bad feelings that will last well beyond the wedding.

I just saw an episode of Sex and the City with a wedding where the bridesmaids all wore slightly different shades of beige. It looked awesome. And actually, I think if your dress is champagne colored, and hers is a slightly darker shade (this is what I’m assuming from your description), that it will look really nice together…better than if your dress was stark white.

I gotta agree. Kinda on the Bridezilla side.

and this:

Man, that’s some unfortunate phrasing. Making her? Ugh.

I once wore beige as my aunt’s (junior) bridesmaid. She picked the dress. Nobody confused us, but then again I was 13.

I’m an old fashioned girl. In a western wedding only the bride wears white (or any offwhite - the mother of the bride/groom can wear dove grey, but that is as close as it gets) and don’t show up in a red dress - especially if you ever even came close to dating the groom. But its old fashioned. People wear white and black and red to weddings all the time.

I’d say you’re being a little Bridezilla-ish because, really, who is going notice or car except you. But this can be a lesson to all would-be Doper brides: you’ll regret giving your bridesmaids too much leeway in dress choice.

Think about this. You are really, really upset (aghast, even!) with a good friend of yours about *the color of a dress.The color of a dress. * I think you need to step back from this whole wedding thing and have a drink. Maybe several.

I would go to her right now and apologize, say you over-reacted, whatever. tell her the dress looks lovely on her. Even if you don’t think you were wrong, even if you think it looks horrible–because you don’t want to spend a minute of your wedding day in that mutually-awkward sorta-irritated “are we ok?” -state state with your friend. It’s not going to ruin your look, it’s not going to distract anyone. Normally I am a big fan of people being irritated as long as they need to be irritated, but make your peace before the wedding.

Another vote for Bridezilla. The girl had a dress specially made just for your wedding, and you’re “aghast” that it’s the wrong color? If you cared that much about the color issue, you should have specified the color in the first place. But to leave it up to her and then get mad at her because she’s made what IYO was a wrong decision – that’s pretty unfair.

I give you credit for recognizing that you may be losing perspective, which IMO you are. Take a deep breath, remind yourself that what is truly important where she is concerned is her friendship and her presence on your wedding day. Then let it go.