I’m angry at the husband just from reading the OP. As some others have expressed, it sets a terrible example for the kid. I don’t care about going 70 in a 65 zone, but driving that fast is an asshole move. The kid will be driving in 3 years, and will be excited to try it himself. I am not one to worry much about risky behavior, but I’ve seen too many autopsy photos of teenagers.
Wow. Yes, if the kid is somewhat immature and likely to have a lead foot and use this as permission to go nuts when he drives, I would NEVER mess around like this.
My son and I communicate great - he’s now in college, but was never a threat to be a lead foot. Quite the opposite - he wasn’t interested in drinking in school and liked to be the designated driver for late nights out when they’d play Magic the Gathering or hang out at a local diner with girls.
I don’t recall if I ever took him out in a speedy car, but if I did, I would have The Talk with him before I did anything - “you know this is a one-off because we are in a safe place, etc. - and if I ever found out you did something similar, I would ground you until you were 37 - got it?” This is similar to other prep talks in different situations, of which I have had many with each of my kids. We’ve never had an issue.
There is room to be the Parent in the situation and still check out the Camaro.
Won’t Dad be surprised when he gets the bill…
I think there is an acceptable range of parenting options for most things. The world is not a black and white place. However, “do as I say and not as I do” is dangerous. Is it really that important to “check out the Camaro?”
You do have to watch what example you are setting. Every now and then my oldest grandson (in his 20s) asks about racing (I’m an ex road racer). I live several hundred yards from a freeway entrance. As I stop at the end of the driveway waiting to go right to the freeway quite a few drivers coming from my left are really speeding, perhaps 50 in a 35. They are coming from a semi-rural area.
Soooo, sometimes when I pull out I find a car shooting up on my tail. Little do they know I have the freeway turn down pat. The little Scion xB jumps to life, slam into 2nd, pull up the hill to the overpass. 3rd gear - NO BRAKES - just a quick right turn down the on ramp, the xB squealing the front tires as I kiss the apex. Full throttle, check for merging traffic and a final surge out onto the highway.
Now - look back and see the guy who was nearly pushing me down the road looking at the Scion disappearing a quarter mile ahead. One time with the grandson aboard he remarked, “Grandpa, I don’t think I could drive a race car.”
Yeah, yeah. I’m a bad example.
Dennis
I don’t think you should be mad … anger is the mind killer and will cloud your judgement … however, acting mad is fine …
Let’s keep in mind the goal here … you want to teach your child the evils of reckless driving … you know your child better than we do, and if you acting angry is the best way to teach this lesson, then go for it … however, most 13-year-old man-children believe that the angrier the mom gets, the more fun it must be, especially if mom is angry with dad … basic human nature … I suggest looking through your “toolbox” first and calmly decide which approach will net the best results …
Your son picked the Camaro … he’s already interested in fast cars … time to think about installing black boxes on all the cars he will be driving … rental agencies are doing this, so can you … perhaps get your son interested in racing … I don’t know, but do take the time to accept your son will be doing dangerous things and the day will come where he will ignore your warnings … in just 5 short years he will be an adult …
My dad would take us kids to the races and then drive home like a maniac … “This is how Parnelli Jones passed Lloyd Ruby during the 1962 Indy 500” … naturally I got a lil’ roadster first chance I could and after a few times having to close my eyes while I rounded a hairpin curve I learned to slow down a bit … that and having to adjust the valves twice a week … I finally settled on a VW Bus (0-60 in a couple minutes) … so all is not lost …
[Smile] … maybe push the climate change agenda on him … my own sons are fully indoctrinated to the point the one will not even get a driver’s license and he’s damn near 30-years-old … just an idea …
That’s funny, because I thought that was exactly what happened to a red Mazda in front of me yesterday at 80 mph on the interstate. If that driver had know that this wasn’t 1955 he could have kept driving, despite the fact that his right rear tire was absolutely shredded and beating the hell out of his fender. Or maybe we hit some time portal and it was 1955. Daylight saving time is funky at times.
This, to me, may just be disrespectful. When choosing a car like that, there is the implication that the intent is to have a little fun and drive faster than is typical. Did you talk about rates of speed in your “safe driving” conversation, about what is okay (“yeah, fine, a couple mph faster, but nothing foolish…”)?
I would be bothered as well.
You should bring this up with your husband privately, in way that is less apt to bring out defensiveness. “For some time I’ve been worried that our son is going to have a blasé attitude about speeding, and now I’m really worried after your trip with him in the car. I don’t want to be a kill joy, but can we talk about what example we’d like to set for him going forward? It’s important to me that we are on the same page.”
Yes, you should be mad, the behavior was irresponsible.
Cut the apron strings. It was a father son bonding moment. Junior is going to speed at times no matter what you or hubby say or do as it is what teenage boys do. Insurance companies build that into their rates.
I had the wife and two of the kids in our minivan 5 years back with the cruise parked at 90mph while crossing one of the plains states. Was safer than doing speed limit on the freeway around home.
As long as it was a one time deal, let it ride. If there was a ticket, it would have been an expensive lesson learned.
This makes good sense. And if the spouse doesn’t come back with “this makes good sense, and here is what I discussed with him before I did it” there should be further discussion.
Procrustus - no, I didn’t need to “check out the Camaro” with my kid, but I can understand it if a parent did. But sure, I did do some things that required some discussion up front - e.g., seeing an R-rated movie too young, using a sharp knife to help cook or stir food over a hot stove while standing on a chair, etc. - and yes, it is critical to make sure that parents are on the same page on any risky activity.
I don’t know if “mad” is what you should be, but I’d certainly be disappointed.
In contrast to what a few posters have said, this sort of thing makes me, as a third-party, furious. What sort of entitled jerk thinks he/she has the right to drive/cruise on ANY stretch of road at 103 MPH? This is exactly the cause of many, many fatal accidents–a driver decides that the road is somehow “safe” for engaging in reckless behavior. What if the car that seems to be way ahead is actually only going 45 MPH because of a mechanical issue and is overtaken at a much greater speed than intended? What if another driver is merging on to the highway from a partially-concealed on-ramp? After all, hitting a car doing 45 MPH from the rear when you’re doing 95 MPH is a lot worse than hitting a standing car at 50 MPH…both cars can basically launch from the road and hit whatever is in the way. The results are bad.
I’m not trying to be an ass, but EVERY driver who does something stupid and causes an accident will say, “The road looked clear,” or “I was doing the same speed as everyone else,” or “I didn’t see that other vehicle at the time.” I’m not going to say that I’m unconcerned about your husband’s safety and the well-being of your son, but it’s MY butt that concerns me the most.
And, yes, it was a terrible example to set for your son. If it were my spouse, I’d swat him on the nose with a newspaper and send him to bed without dinner.
Username/post cognitive dissonance.
The driving would make me nervous, too, but this makes me even moreso. If he knew you’d be unhappy then came back, gleefully boasting about it, that seems really disrespectful and sends the message that your feelings aren’t relevant.
It seems a small thing and, not knowing your situation may or may not be a battle you want to fight, but I don’t think a, “Hey, you guys know I don’t like that - please respect my wishes in the future,” would be amiss. Plus, I agree that it sets a pretty terrible example. In my mind, bonding is better done over basketball or video games or something that doesn’t carry a high potential for a really bad outcome if something goes wrong.
Sharp knives, hot stoves, and R-rated movies are all things a kid needs to learn to navigate. No kid ever needs to drive over 100 mph. I’m 57 and have never exceeded 100 mph in my life. Not even as a crazy teenager (where I did engage in my share of really stupid stuff).
Speaking of stupid stuff, one thing I did repeatedly in the old days is drive drunk. You know what? My father would routinely have a few too many at a restaurant and drive us home without incident. I guess I thought I could do the same. (as long as I was careful.) Neither he nor I ever killed anyone, but I know now it was more luck than care.
Yes. That’s a different topic than holds true for any parental coordination.
Procrustus - yeah, I don’t think I have broken 90 more than once or twice, and certainly not to impress a kid. I would not do this. But I see how it could be lumped in with the risky behaviors I cited.
So he paid you lip service, then went out and flagrantly went against your wishes and then came home and bragged to you about it in front of your son? I’d be beyond pissed about that (even more so than the unsafe driving).
Does he openly disrespect you like that often?
Thanks everyone - there’s lots of good advice here. To clarify, I wrote the OP in haste and didn’t literally mean whether I should be mad - that’s not an emotion I could manufacture at whim. Rather, whether I was justified in thinking it was very, very, VERY wrong. I’m less concerned about the lessons our son is learning than his safety. He talks the talk now, but there’s more of me in him than he realises, and he is surprisingly cautious. I had a chance to ask him about it more and he said that it was fun but he was a little scared too.
I said upthread that I was a stickler for safety, but that doesn’t mean never going above the speed limit; around here that could be the least safe thing to do. So basically, my question was more of how dangerous that particular situation was. If something were to go wrong at that speed it would be disastrous not just for them, but, as others have pointed out, for other cars on the road who were put at risk through no fault of their own…
Two related thoughts:
I see the O.P. is in the UK but was considerate enough to post MPH so number one, thank you for accommodating us.
Number two, I wonder how much of the variety in replies (ranging from “Aww, shucks, whatsa matter?” to “Aww hellz yeah, u should be very mad!”) can be attributed to local attitudes towards speeding.
Freeways in Houston and Dallas often have 100+ mph civilian drivers on them; driving a mere 5 or 10 mph over the “limit” can earn you dirty looks from everyone who’s shooting past you & travelling with the general flow of traffic. It’s not a great thing, but it’s pretty common reality so folks around here might fall in more with the “no big deal” crowd.