We let our 13 year old son choose our last car rental - it was a Camaro SS. All was fine but my husband took him for a little spin on the interstate and exceeded 90 mph several times, topping out at 103 mph at one point. I felt sick when they came home and told me somewhat gleefully. What if a tire had blown out or worse? Or what if he had been caught going 33mph over the limit, with a child in the front seat? But maybe it’s no big deal and I’m worrying over nothing - after all, they did make it home okay.
Dad blowing off steam for a bit of car coolness, and letting the kid experience his choice of car at a high speed? And no ticket? I wouldn’t sweat it as a single event - sounds like fun. If there’s a broader context where this doesn’t feel like a one-off “treat,” that’s another thing. But it sounds like a fun, cool father son moment and that’s what he was sharing with you.
If it were on a straight stretch of Interstate with no other cars around 103 doesn’t seem too high these days. Heck, 95 doesn’t seem too high these days. In an unusual circumstance, I went 95 for a long stretch of time when it was the safest thing to do, which admittedly was an anomaly and would still have left me at ticket risk.
I was traveling I-95 (no relation to the speed) when there were 2 cars that were speed matching me. I went down to 65, they both slowed down to 65 when the speed limit was 70. I sped up to 85, they went up to 85 and stayed within 3 car lengths of me! This continued for several speed up/slow down cycles. There were no cars ahead of us for miles at this point, and lots of cars behind us, so if I kept slowing down the other cars would catch up to us which would increase the danger. So I slowed down to 65, then floored it until I hit 95 and didn’t slow down until I had approached the traffic far ahead of us (around the next bend). Let them find someone else to speed match.
Did you rent from a company that monitors driving data? ISTR hearing about rental cars that have onboard computers that can tell the rental company if you’ve been ahem “driving it like it was rented,” and rental agreements with fine print permitting them to assess penalties if they find you have.
If anything you should be angry. Or furious, disappointed, chagrined, whatever. “Mad” is too childish sounding, creating a mental image of you pouting.
I’d be mad if my wife did it. Greater speed means greater risk, and I don’t want her messing around with her safety or our kids’ safety for a bit of fun.
The thing is, my wife would know that’s how I’d feel. She’d never come home and tell me a story like that, and not expect me to be upset. And that’s a big part of why I feel like my feelings would be justified – as a couple, and especially as parents, we have an understanding of what sort of risks we’re willing to take, and what sort we’re willing to expose our kids to. Ignoring that expectation and just doing it anyway without even discussing it would be a crummy thing to do. (My wife and I are also not a couple that typically avoids discussing things – which is relevant to my expectation.)
So my question would be, do you think your husband knew you’d be upset, and did it anyway? Or that he really believed you’d think it just sounded like fun? If it’s the latter, maybe a conversation about what sort of risks you’re comfortable with would be more valuable than getting mad.
Ooh, tricky. I mean, it’s quite possible that your husband wasn’t really taking much risk; car in good condition, empty fairly straight roads, good lighting and dry conditions, driver who knows how to handle it. On the other hand, saying nothing could easily give a teen the idea that going 103mph is fine, which is obviously often isn’t.
It’s not that Dad really took a big risk right then, it’s that he (possibly) increased the risk of your kid getting into his own car in a few years and going faster than he should, to have fun or show off.
I’m not sure being mad at anyone’s a good plan, that could push the kid towards thinking Dad’s cool, but you don’t want him to have fun. That might just make him less likely to tell you stuff, rather than less likely to do stuff. It’s likely a good idea though to have a conversation, or make damn sure Dad has a conversation on, well, how to be an idiot responsibly. Getting mad at your husband is probably just going to make him defensive; unless he’s a complete idiot, he would have assessed the risk and decided it was worth it, and isn’t likely to welcome someone who wasn’t there and just got the summary version telling him he was wrong.
Concern and information is probably a better way to get your very real and sensible concerns across to both husband and son than anger is. Kind of like the safe sex conversation, but for cars.
Indeed. I mean, maybe setting a bad example for the kid, but the speed itself, assuming reasonable road conditions, is not all that bad. Traffic around here can routinely get up to 80-85 mph on the highway (as it was Wednesday afternoon coming back down from Wisconsin on I-94 and I-294), and I’ve definitely hit 90-100 with the wife and the kids in the car before.
Yeah, I personally wouldn’t get angry about it as long as it’s not a habit.
I think it could be one simple incident, and as I trust my spouse, I might be able to see it as a non issue. I’m willing to believe he chose a safe spot, under ideal conditions and it isn’t a habit.
The gleeful boasting in front of the 13 yr old might push me over the edge though.
Demonstrating, to a 13yr old, the pleasure of driving at high speed, does seem ill advised to me. As an adult, embrace it, enjoy it, take a measured risk, all okay by me. But showing a 13yr old how much pleasure daddy gets from breaking the driving speed rules borders on idiotic if you’re actually trying to raise a safe driver.
Did you ask him what exactly he thought he was communicating to his son, with this experience? I would. My second question would be, how will he feel if his kid dies in a high speed crash at 16? Will he still think it’s a cool thing to share with a 13yr old boy?
I haven’t heard of that - if so it hadn’t been pointed out to us. But another concern is that the insurance would be invalidated if the driver was not driving lawfully.
Stupid, just stupid.
Say your piece, make sure son hears you, that this is childish and dangerous behaviour that you don’t approve of.
It’s like your husband giving your son alcohol, saying, “I want him to experience getting drunk with me” it is safe because he’s with Dad. Wrong.
We haven’t talked about it yet but I’m sure he thinks he was just having fun with the car. My son loves cars and has already said that if he crashes and dies on the Nurburgring in his Lotus Exige that he will get once he’s grown up I should not worry because he would have died happy!
This is a huge concern to me. Teenagers in cars are already famous for the number of poor decisions and stupid risks they (as a group) take. A parent who values their child’s survival of their first few years of driving needs to spend a lot of effort modeling safe driving and talking about how taking unnecessary risks in order to get thrills is a terrible idea.
Your husband just did the opposite, and increased the risk of your kid’s getting in a high-speed accident once he starts driving. It’s up to the dad to fix this. I really, really wish the dad had gotten pulled over for this stunt, as that would’ve been the best lesson possible for the kid.
I was going to make that comparison, myself, except to raise the opposite point. I’ve often heard it said (perhaps “speculated” is a better word) that the U.S. has a problem with college binge drinking precisely because alcohol is completely banned until 21. If kids have a sip of wine with family meals they find out it’s not some magic elixir or right of passage into adulthood, and they don’t overdue when they’re on their own for the first time.
If the OP’s son already wants to drive fast, and is going to do this anyway, better he learns how to do it safely than to build it up as some great forbidden pleasure.
I’ve driven the Nurburgring, and in a rental car, too. Your son may be disappointed. The 'ring is all twists and turns; it’s much more a test of skill than a shot of adrenaline. The only straight section is where you enter and leave the track and there’s a speed limit. I went faster on the Autobahn on the way there.
+1
Dad going for a speed run by himself is one thing. To have your son sets a horrible example. Especially to a 13 year old (who is so worldly wise to have set the criteria to “die happy” via a high speed crash). By having your son along, Dad has condoned such activity. Kids learn more from example than lecture.
Along with the “how will he feel if his kid dies in a high speed crash at 16 ?” question is an even better one: how will he feel if his kid kills someone as a result of a high speed crash at 16 ?
A friend of mine in high school, for his graduation present received a (beautiful) Trans Am. Barely a few weeks later, he killed a little kid while speeding through the neighborhood. Went to jail for manslaughter. Pretty much ruined my friend’s life.