Slow down and stay in your damn lane!

The BBQ Pit
1

If there is an obstruction in your lane you do not have the right of way to jerk around it when there is traffic coming. You have to wait until oncoming drivers have gone and you can safely pass. The Tennessee driver’s manual says to “proceed with due caution.” Obviously if Junior runs in to the road chasing his little red ball, you’ve got less than a second to take evasive action. That’s not what I’m talking about here.
Here in Suburbia, mystical land of narrow, curvy roads with little room for driver error, one often has to navigate around city services vehicles, delivery trucks, road construction and other obstacles that take up entire lanes.
Over the past three days I’ve nearly been run off the road because of 1) a guy taking a steep curve way too damn fast and swerving directly at me, 2) a guy who, because he couldn’t get stuck behind a mail carrier, didn’t bother to slow down while swerving around it and cut directly in front of me, 3) a lady who couldn’t take her poor widdle Humvee through a pothole [or, better yet, slow down and put two inches of tire on the grass on the opposite side to go around], and 4) a Lexus driver who wouldn’t slow down and go to the right around an exposed manhole.

That last one was almost a perfect storm, too. On roads in the process of repaving there is a lot of loose gravel around those exposed manholes. My Jeep Cherokee is extremely light in the back end thus making it prone to lose traction or fishtail. So, when some fuckbrained lackwit jerks his Lexus in front of me, I may not be able to stop. Let’s compound this situation with a cellphone-nattering soccer mom in her Land Rover riding my ass because I’m going just under 35 because gravel is bad news for my traction.
I got lucky today. Really fucking lucky that even though my Jeep skidded, it didn’t fishtail. Really fucking lucky that I didn’t pop that pretty Lexus on the driver’s side headlight and exceptionally, million-dollar-scratch-card, Sir-the-growth-is-benign lucky that Miss Land Rover didn’t pound me into a brick mailbox.

Fuckin’ aye, guys. Slow down and stay out of the oncoming lane unless it’s clear. I don’t want anybody to get hurt and I definitely can’t afford a new car.

2

Amen! I think so many accidents could be avoided if people weren’t so damn impatient. Slow down! It’s safer for you that way!

3

I don’t get it sometimes, I know my time isn’t that valuable, but where are some of these people going at such speeds? I drive a pretty standard 73ish on the highway and people will blow by going 85, I just don’t know what could be so pressing. Unless you’re a doctor or being summoned by some sort of Bat signal realize it will take minutes longer, increase safety, fuel mileage and decrease the odds/price of a ticket to take easy and not swerve all over the road when someone going 10 mph over the speed limit is in front of you.

4

Don’t you realize that I have very important couch sitting and TV watching to get to?

5

I’m one of the people you’re complaining about.

I drive pretty much the same speed (~85 or so, on the highway) regardless of where I’m trying to go, or what time I need to be there. Why? Because I drive a car that’s designed to do 140+ mph on the autobahn. Doing 70 is boring. Hell, so is 85, but that’s the limit of my tolerance for tickets (I get about one every two years).

When I drive less sporty cars, I don’t mind toddling along at 65 or 70.

I am a careful driver otherwise - I don’t cut people off, I signal long before I make a lane change, and I slow down before I pass a car going much slower than me.

But in general, I go fast because I like it. And among friends I know who drive fast, the motivation is the same - it’s fun. We’re not in hurry, we don’t think we’re super-important people in a rush. We just enjoy it.

6

I loves me a good traffic pitting. And I was with you, I really was, until this part:

So were’re talking about pissing rights between owners of Lexuses (Lexi?) and Hummers and Jeep Grand Cherokees? Bah. You’ll both be busy shouting at each other over styrofoam latte cups while I squeeze between y’all and flip you off with my 3-cylinder Geo Metro, because I just realized that the RIGHT LANE MUST TURN RIGHT sign really was for my lane.

…This car will be soooo much cooler after the spoiler gets bolted on.

7

Your Geo Metro will make a really fucking ugly hood ornament on either the Jeep or the Land Rover. And depending on how many latte’s (and Cosmos for lunch) the soccer mom’s had, she may not even realize you’re a smear on her windshield until sometime tomorrow morning.

8

Uh, dude, there’s a big difference between the Jeep Grand Cherokee (which you say the OP has) and the Jeep Cherokee (which the OP has). The Grand Cherokee is a luxoboat, the plain ol’ Cherokee is little more than a taller version of your Metro. I realize that it doesn’t make much difference to you when one of them smashes into your tinplated coffin, but it helps the police when they go hunting down the person who hit you, since they just thought they hit another armadillo and didn’t bother to stop.

Hung Mung, yew must not be from 'round these parts, otherwise you’da knowt that ta gits a driver’s license in TN ya ain’ts got to be able ta read, and ya ain’ts even gots ta take the drivers edumacation course first.

Too many people who live here don’t understand the single most basic rule of driving: Drive offensively. (Note not aggressively and not defensively.)

This doesn’t mean cut across 4 lanes at 80 MPH in heavy rush hour traffic with no blinkers on. This means knowing what the fuck to do when the idiot in the next car reveals him/herself to be a miserable cud chewing excuse of a human being!!! I have a friend who absolutely refuses to let anyone else drive when we go some place. He’s an atrocious driver, though. If he wants to get over and there’s somebody blocking him, instead of, you know, speeding up or slowing down to be able to do this, he just sits there, driving at the same speed, waving his arms wildly while cursing at the people who won’t do what he expects them to do. He’s utterly incapable of adapting to road conditions if they change on him. (He’s also a Yank, like me, so let’s not get into one of those whole refighting the Civil War things.) And yes, his inability to drive is symbolic of larger problems in his life. (He makes over $100K/yr, but can’t get a date. Uh, dude, it’s screamingly obvious to everyone that you’re the reason you don’t have a date.)

Speeders don’t piss me off anywhere nearly as much as the guys/gals driving the uberexpensive high performance vehicles who feel compelled to drive in the hammer lane at some 10 or more miles an hour under the speedlimit. Look, asshole, my car’s almost 30 years old, and I routinely push her to 80 or so, which she handles just fine. So if I can manage to do it, then you, in your precision engineered, barely a year old, has a top end of 140 MPH, and tires that are worth more than my car, automobile should be at least capable of doing the fucking speed limit. If you can’t, then I suggest you turn the keys of that car over to someone like me who knows how to drive! (You, however, can keep the payment book, thank you.)

9

It’s a '94 Cherokee, pushing 216K on the odometer, held together by duct tape and dried tree sap. My truck is only slightly more stylish than the light blue Dodge Caravan my buddy John drove in high school. Believe me, these cars are way out of my league.

And, Tuck, you’re right. How silly of me to forget. This is Tennessee, where all road markings, signals and signs are merely suggestions. I’m happy to report I didn’t have any nasty close calls today.

Forgot to add: Absolute, folks like you don’t really bother me. High speed drivers and the weaving-in-and-out-of-traffic people on the interstate worry me less than than idiots on suburban backroads. I assume the guys on the highway more or less know what they’re doing.

10

Excellent - a chance to post one of my favourite links again - Are small cars a threat to SUV drivers? One of my favourite lines - "After my little scare with the blue Focus, I started to look around more, and I noticed that there were a lot of small cars on the road…a lot! If you just tilt your side mirrors ten degrees down you’ll be surprised what you see driving next to you. "

11

Right. You should always signal before making such a maneuver. Then, I’ll know to speed up to ninety MPH to make sure you have room to slide in.

12

Dude, you just have no idea of how bad the interstates are laid out here. We have one here that I refer to as the I-24, 40, 65, Briley, 440 clusterfuck. Those 5 highways (as well as several major state and city roads) all join up and split within a few miles of one another, and it doesn’t matter where you’re going, at some point, you have to cut across 4 or more lanes in a very short span (less than a football field in some spots) to get where you’re going, even if you’re staying on the same highway. If you know where you’re going, you can avoid all of that by taking a different route at least part of the time, but if you’re not lucky or a tourista, you’re probably not going to know how to avoid that. It’s a wonder that there’s not an hourly fatality on that stretch of road. There’s several other stretches which are nearly as bad all over town. Add to that the fact that the highway department doesn’t understand the concept known as “crowning” and when it rains, you’ve got an instant demolitian derby.

13

Okay, that sounds terrible, Tucker. I thought we were doing bad with our concrete highway that is used as an example in engineering schools - of how NOT to build roads.

14

60 mph is a mile per minute. You find that too slow On a 10 mile trip going 75 saves you 2 minutes. It uses more gas, more wear and tear on car and increases the danger considerably. What a crappy trade off that isl. Grow up . Driving is about going from place to place. Transportation, not power and manhood.

15

“This doesn’t mean cut across 4 lanes at 80 MPH in heavy rush hour traffic with no blinkers on”

TuckerFan - when I lived in South Florida, this was known as a “New Jersey exit”. When I moved to NJ, I learned why it is called thus. :smiley:
VCNJ~

16

To you, maybe. To me, driving is at least half the fun of the trip. Depending on where I’m going, it might be all the fun.

Who said anything about power and manhood?

17

Nah, Geo Metro Convertibles are used as replacement parts when horses break on merry-go-rounds.
And while we’re at it, a very special “Fuck You, Budget…!” for the “free sports-car upgrade” to the Geo Metro Convertible the last time I rented a car from you. :mad:

18

“Absolute, you have been found guilty of four counts of manslaughter, including a young mother, two small children, a nun, and a boxfull of kittens. Before I rule on your sentence, would you like to explain your egregious behavior?”

“Yeah, doing 70 is boring.”

“Um… Bah? Gah?”

19

Yeah, when my fiance moved down here I took her around to show her my favorite li’l deathtraps. I also enjoy exit lanes that double as entry lanes. Nothing quite like mashing the gas to jump an 18-wheeler only to smash the brakes to keep from planting your grill under another guy’s tailpipe.

20

The kittens shouldn’t have been driving in the first place!
I hesitate to pit someone like Absolute without knowing how recklessly and under what conditions they’re speeding. If they want to zoom down a deserted highway, that doesn’t really bother me. But I do wish all of you adrenaline junkies would get your fix somewhere other than the public roads.