The next time she speaks of not eating for three days, tell her to force herself.
When my sister was discovered to be an alcoholic, someone gave me this advice.
She will bankrupt herself. She will loose jobs, she will endanger herself, she may end up slowly killing herself in order to keep drinking. Assume that if she is willing to do this to herself, she has no problems doing it to you.
Never enable an addict, not even with a PB&J sandwich. Best thing you can do for June is to call the cops. Sometimes its the slap to the head that wakes them up - usually not, but feeding her sure won’t be.
(My sister is … better. Though she did go bankrupt, loose her job, almost kill herself and took years off her life to get the wake up call. And she is still sucking money and energy from my parents and sister - although at least now its money and energy that appears to be going towards making it better. (And some smaller amount of money from me). We will see if it sticks if her liver heals.)
[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
There are five pills missing, and they were probably ingested long ago, so no visible proof anyway.
[/QUOTE]
You misread the OP - all the Xanax were missing, 85 pills out of a script of 90.
[QUOTE=norinew]
That sounded like a good idea, so I went to do that. But the Xanax wasn’t there.
…
So, it seems pretty obvious that June stole my Xanax. An almost-new 'script, too. Less than a week old. Out of 90 pills, there were probably 85 left.
[/QUOTE]
bolding added by me
Si
[QUOTE=norinew]
So, it seems pretty obvious that June stole my Xanax. An almost-new 'script, too. Less than a week old. Out of 90 pills, there were probably 85 left.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Ca3799]
I don’t believe I’d call the police on the girl, but I would get her out of my house and life, pronto. The 5 missing meds are just the beginning of the things that will soon go missing from your home.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Kalhoun]
There are five pills missing, and they were probably ingested long ago, so no visible proof anyway. The cops have bigger fish to fry. I doubt they’ll even confront her.
[/QUOTE]
It’s 85 pills missing, not 5. The bottle is gone; the bottle had 85 pills in it. Does that changes anything? For me, it takes it from a case of, “Damn, I wish my daughter’s friend didn’t like Xanax enough to steal it; next time I’ll be sure to lock up ALL the pills” to “That girl is not coming in this house again, ever.”
In other words, I probably wouldn’t bother the police for 5 pills, but 85 suggests more to me than recreational, personal use.
ETA: Oh, hey! Hi there, si_blakely, didn’t see you there! 
[QUOTE=WhyNot]
In other words, I probably wouldn’t bother the police for 5 pills, but 85 suggests more to me than recreational, personal use.
[/QUOTE]
I disagree with this. Partly on principle, but mostly because it could have been a critical prescription, like insulin for a diabetic.
Be sure to inform your daughter that this person and her friends are to never be on the property again. The police will be called if it happens.
June would love to get certain specific drugs but I think she’d probably take whatever she could find, as in the linked PSA. They experiment, barter and trade, etc.
Imagine if norinew had needed her kidney med and discovered it was missing, couldn’t talk to the doctor or get it filled, etc.
[QUOTE=WhyNot]
It’s 85 pills missing, not 5. The bottle is gone; the bottle had 85 pills in it. Does that changes anything? For me, it takes it from a case of, “Damn, I wish my daughter’s friend didn’t like Xanax enough to steal it; next time I’ll be sure to lock up ALL the pills” to “That girl is not coming in this house again, ever.”
In other words, I probably wouldn’t bother the police for 5 pills, but 85 suggests more to me than recreational, personal use.
ETA: Oh, hey! Hi there, si_blakely, didn’t see you there!
[/QUOTE]
Ok, I think that might make a difference, though I bet they’re all gone anyway. Between selling 'em and doing 'em…I bet they didn’t last more than 3 days. I think it’s still small potatoes to the cops, but having it on record can’t hurt on either the new script front or the ‘we’ve got our eye on you’ front. If this kid is living on the street she may already be familiar to the cops.
Definitely good to keep the meds locked up, and it might be a good idea to invest in a little safe to keep everything in one place. It’s difficult for it to just walk off and they’re pretty cheap. We picked one up at Walmart for around $50 I think. You would need a dolly, some strength and some time to actually get it out of the house.
Best of luck to you. You sure have had a dose of shit lately.
[QUOTE=Way Too Happy]
If you don’t make a police report, you will be made well known as an easy mark. The girl has already determined that there are “desirable” drugs on the premises - her low-life addict friends will think absolutely nothing of (A) Trying to con you and/or your daughter, with or without the implication of force. (B) Break into your house to take the drugs. They’re addicts. It’s a different world for them. Get dope, get money to buy dope or find people who’ll share dope.
[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. You need to send a firm message to this kid that there will be consequences if she tries anything like this again.
It might also be good for EFOP to see the consequences of living that way too. Hanging around with drug addicts, she is at risk for getting involved in their lifestyle. That’s the last thing you would need.
[QUOTE=norinew]
I know my daughter will feel terrible if I report it to the police
[/QUOTE]
Tough shit.
Your daughter’s heart was in the right place, but her head wasn’t with reality. I have 3 things to say:
-
Do NOT trust an addict.
-
It’s OK to want to feed the homeless addict you knew when times were better but you do NOT bring this person to your house and you do NOT give them money! You take them to someplace like McDonalds or KFC where they can eat and get coffee for cheap and use the bathroom.
-
If a crime is committed you report it - no matter how “nice” the person who might have done it, was, or might be in the future.
[QUOTE=norinew]
I know my daughter will feel terrible if I report it to the police,
[/QUOTE]
Phooey. She should feel horrible she brought a friend into the house who would steal her mother’s pills.
Misguided compassion is not healthy. This girl needs help, not enabling. Getting arrested for stealing pills might be just the shock she needs.
[QUOTE=norinew]
Since this theoretical ‘theft’ was a week ago, is it too late to call the cops?
So far, I’ve coped by using EFOP’s Xanax when I need to (which isn’t often), because she uses very little of it, I have a 'script for it (so I don’t feel bad for using it), and just trying to “rough it” until it’s time for me to get a refill.
[/QUOTE]
You need to stop doing this as well. You have your script. She has her script. Never mix the two just because you ran out (or got it all stolen).
[QUOTE=greatshakes]
The next time she speaks of not eating for three days, tell her to force herself.
[/QUOTE]
My favourite group-standard declaration: “Ruin a $30 buzz with a $3 sandwich?” “Are you nuts?”
Most days food just didn’t matter. Just not hungry. The only real reason to eat was to quell the stomach pains that had you doubled over so you can use again.
[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
Yeah, I know what you mean. You’d like to help but druggies are going to deal crooked with you every time and norinew’s guard needs to be way up.
I envision a scene like this, downtown…
EFoP: Here, I brought you some sandwiches
June: Oh. (underwhelmed)
The homeless can always dumpster dive for food, panhandle change, etc. What are Ramen, 6 for a buck? Food’s pretty cheap and easy to come by.
[/QUOTE]
Nail hit on head. Food is the easiest commodity for the homeless/addicted/alcoholic to acquire. Charity kitchens abound. Nothing makes J.Q. Public feel so warm and fuzzy as when they’re feeding “those poor people”. Hollywood should have such talent as an addict playing pitiful to the uninitiated. You’ve no idea how many “suckers” ignored professional advice, giving our shelter dwellers $$$ for food or clothing or bus tickets, sometimes even a down payment for a vehicle! Guess where the money went. I often (but not always) felt sorry for the “suckers” because they did mean well and their astonishment was profound and genuine.
Addicts don’t want to do horrible things. They have to do whatever it takes to not be sick. Manipulating, stealing, burgling and hustling are SOP. Worse things happen. Having had a front row view of the Dark Side of life - I assure you the cookies ain’t all they’re cracked up to be.
If you let things slide, you’ve just made it probable that there’s going to be another victim. If you respond (appropriately), while there’s no guarantee, you may reduce the number of well-meaning victims down the road.
If one wishes to help those “poor people” - the best way is to support the professionals who can do it safely and effectively.
Wish I didn’t know this stuff…
OK. You’ve all convinced me to report this.
Unfortunately, because of my situation with mudgirl, I need to talk to the police tomorrow anyway. . .
I’ll keep you all posted.
I don’t think I need to chip in here, just wanted to wish you luck, especially in regards to mudgirl.
[QUOTE=norinew]
I know my daughter will feel terrible if I report it to the police, but you all raise some good points, and it doesn’t look like I have much choice.
[/QUOTE]
Well, boo hoo hoo. Your daughter needs to learn that you will not enable a law breaker. Tell your daughter you are doing the right thing, and if you ever found out she herself is stealing your drugs, you will turn her over to the police.
Law breaking is law breaking.
How timely that this thread came around. Our housekeeper is stealing VWife’s Percocet, and I’m trying to figure out how to handle it.
(plant a camera and go to the cops, vs. go to the cops with hearsay, vs just firing her, etc)
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle]
I don’t think I need to chip in here, just wanted to wish you luck, especially in regards to mudgirl.
[/QUOTE]
Thanks. 
Frankly, for those who thought it was only five pills, if that were the case, she probably would have gotten away with it. My 'script is for 90 pills, up to three a day, but I never take that many. So it’s quite common for me to end the month with 30 or more pills. And they’re tiny. So I never know quite how many are left.
If it was my antibiotics, OTOH (not that antibiotics have street value to speak of), I would definitely notice because there are 30 of them, and I take one every night. So if it was day 20 and I was out, I’d know it.
As far as my kidney meds go, I have antibiotics and I have Darvocet. The Darvocet stays in my purse, which is pretty much always with me. The antibiotics are on the bathroom shelf, but like I said, I can’t see anyone wanting to steal them. . .
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
Well, boo hoo hoo. Your daughter needs to learn that you will not enable a law breaker. Tell your daughter you are doing the right thing <snip..
[/QUOTE]
I disagree with this attitude/approach. “Zero tolerance” is fine, but I’d advise that you not treat this like “I’m the adult, EFoP, and you’re the child. So my opinion counts and yours doesn’t.”
IMO what EFoP needs is a fuller perspective. It isn’t bad/wrong to help others, but there are safety concerns, the possibility of inadvertantly enabling the very behavior you’re trying to extinguish, and so on. The lessons are a lot more complicated than a young person realizes and that’s what needs to be discussed.
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
Well, boo hoo hoo. Your daughter needs to learn that you will not enable a law breaker. Tell your daughter you are doing the right thing, **and if you ever found out she herself is stealing your drugs, you will turn her over to the police.
**
Law breaking is law breaking.
[/QUOTE]
Bolding mine.
This seems rather harsh. Are you perhaps mistaking** EFOP, norinew’s **middle daughter and the one being discussed here, for her eldest daughter, who has indeed had trouble with drugs?