Should I confront this girl? (drug stealing)

In My Humble Opinion
1

My middle daughter, EtherealFreakOfPinkness has a college friend who she knows for a fact is a drug abuser, has been busted on charges of possession, etc. In fact, some months ago, EFOP went to a sleepover at this girl’s house (we’ll call her June) and called for us to come get her around midnight. She knew there was going to be pot, and though she does not partake, it didn’t bother her that others would. Frankly, it didn’t much bother me, either. But when June’s dealer showed up with Percocet and they started crushing and snorting it, it was too much for EFOP, and she was ready to maker her exit.

Fast forward a couple of months. I came home from running errands about ten days ago, to find a young woman I did not personally know, in my house. EFOP sayd "Mom, I’d like you to meet ‘June’; ‘June’, this is my Mom, norinew’. Turns out, EFOP had run into June downtown. June has been semi-homeless, and told my daughter she hadn’t had anything to eat in three days, and nothing to drink in more than a day. So, my daughter, being my daughter, brought the girl home to have something to eat and something to drink.

Now, I have a lot of prescription drugs (as some of you may know, I have chronic kidney problems). My daughter was forward-thinking enough to take all of the RX bottles off the dining room table and put them in a drawer in the kitchen.

What EFOP didn’t realize was that my Xanax (alprazolam, generic name) was on the shelf in the bathroom.

It was kind of a crazy night, in regards to the bad stuff that’s going down with my youngest, mudgirl. So, EFOP said “Why don’t you take a Xanax and go to bed?”

That sounded like a good idea, so I went to do that. But the Xanax wasn’t there.

Come to find out, June had offered to buy some Xanax from EFOP (she has her own 'script), but my daughter had refused to sell it to her.

So, it seems pretty obvious that June stole my Xanax. An almost-new 'script, too. Less than a week old. Out of 90 pills, there were probably 85 left.

So do I confront June on the theft of my Xanax, or not?

If so, how do I approach it?

2

Why bother confronting her? Do you think she’s going to cop to it?

Call the police. At the very least, won’t you need a police report to get your prescription refilled so early?

3

Do you think shes going to apologize and give them back or something? call the cops.

4

To re-emphasize that which has already been said:

Missing controlled substances should be reported to the police.

Most reputable physicians will insist on seeing a police report before replacing ‘stolen’ mood-altering medications.

In my experience, little good comes out of confronting a suspected thief, beyond saying things like: My medication went missing, I reported it to the police as required by my doctor and my medical insurance, they may be contacting you to talk about it, since you were in the vicinity at the time.

5

Former member of the homeless community here (homeless, then caseworking in a shelter).

If you don’t make a police report, you will be made well known as an easy mark. The girl has already determined that there are “desirable” drugs on the premises - her low-life addict friends will think absolutely nothing of (A) Trying to con you and/or your daughter, with or without the implication of force. (B) Break into your house to take the drugs. They’re addicts. It’s a different world for them. Get dope, get money to buy dope or find people who’ll share dope.

Your daughter, well meaning and apparently naive, did something very stupid.

React quickly, firmly. Don’t hesitate to involve the police. Your medicine cabinet won’t be worth the effort when there’s easier targets to be found.

And no matter how badly they say they have to use the bathroom - NEVER let anyone like that in your home again!

6

Please do not confront the thief. Call the cops. You, yourself, should not speak to the girl, neither allow her into your house again.

7

My first thought is that this sounds about right. I’d definitely let the girl know that the theft didn’t go unnoticed and won’t go unreported. She may have stolen them and you probably can’t prove it, but watch her reaction when she finds out she’s on the radar and you may have an answer—though one that wouldn’t stand up in court.

By the way, the venue for this is not your house. There’s no point in taking chances on other drugs going missing and there’s no point in letting this person around mudgirl.

My second thought is that I wonder if you’re out of your depth. From other posts I’d say you’re pretty sharp, norinew, but you’re dealing with a druggie. Tangent: I’ve had my identity stolen and as I tried to piece together how it happened, one thing became clear: I don’t think like a criminal.

E.g. someone falsified a personal check and when I saw the signature, it was completely different from mine…mine slants to the right, this slanted to the left. I’m pretty sure I know how the blank was stolen and the person who took it knows what my signature looks like. My thought would be, ‘I better make this look good or I will get caught.’ They knew better: make it appear like they’ve never seen mine so it doesn’t appear that they know me.

So I think it’s dangerous to assume you think the same way a druggie does. I hope June is just some thrill-seeking collegian, unconnected to the money and violence associated with the illicit prescription drug trade. I can’t corroborate what **Way Too Happy ** says, but I’d err on the side of paranoia.

And I’d have a talk with your daughter about bringing home strays. There’s no reason she couldn’t take some food to June, but the house (or even letting them know where it is) should be off-limits.

8

Since this theoretical ‘theft’ was a week ago, is it too late to call the cops?
So far, I’ve coped by using EFOP’s Xanax when I need to (which isn’t often), because she uses very little of it, I have a 'script for it (so I don’t feel bad for using it), and just trying to “rough it” until it’s time for me to get a refill.

Though I get 90 pills a month, I rarely use more than maybe 50.

I know my 17YO will be horrified if I call the cops. OTOH, she has great respect for the Dopers, and if you all say it’s the right thing to do, and it’s not too late to do it, I’ll do it.

9

Popped for possession. Homeless. Hadn’t eaten in 3 days. Offered to buy drugs. Stole drugs.

Any thrill seeking has long since turned into misery

10

IIRC, the new seatbelt law hit Illinois in 1985 or so. The day it took effect, there was an article in the local paper that said something like:

“Jane Doe, 65, contacted police to report that the seatbelts in her car had been stolen sometime between last night and when she bought it in 1974.”

Cracked me up.

I’d call and report it. I don’t think they’ll turn you away. Could be you were on vacation or thought it was in your nightstand etc. People don’t always realize right away, and you weren’t sure if you’d misplaced it and it would turn up etc.

11

Ah, right. I’m having some confusion from the first two paragraphs of OP. Though the last bit (Stole drugs) doesn’t seem proven.

12

I take it the “hadn’t eaten in three days” and “offered to buy drugs” did not happen during the same time, right?

13

I don’t believe I’d call the police on the girl, but I would get her out of my house and life, pronto. The 5 missing meds are just the beginning of the things that will soon go missing from your home.

14

My first reaction was, “Confront her? I’d call the cops, I must be overreacting or something.” If you’d noticed the theft while she was still in the house, that day, then I’d consider just confronting her. By now I’m sure the drugs are gone, and as others said, you would have a chance at getting a replacement if you reported it to the police.

For a while, my husband and I had to very closely watch one of his sisters when she would be visiting with the other inlaws - she had a history of petty theft from her own sisters when they lived at home, from jobs she worked at, and then a drug addiction on top of that made her even more of a potential risk.

Random side thought: How did EFoP let them in the house, with her own keys or by, say, grabbing a spare key that’s stashed outside? If the latter, move it - if the key is still there. We had another sister (who lived in the apartment upstairs) of my husband let her crazy boyfriend use our car while we were out of town for a week because she knew where the spare house key was in case of an emergency while we were gone. They came in and found our car keys; they also took - that we discovered - beer and food. We figured it out by noticing that the mileage was different; my husband uses the trip odometer to track our fuel efficiency. She’d previously let Crazy BF use my husband’s bicycle, without asking, because he didn’t have one and needed a vehicle to look for work. (We had a shared garage so the bicycle was easy to get to. My husband started locking the bicycle up inside the garage.) It’s kind of weird to think where else they might have looked and what might be missing that we’ll only discover later. She was evicted a couple years ago and has a bunch of stuff in the basement that she keeps claiming she’ll come and move out, but she wants access to our apartment to do so. There are two ways into the basement, one that goes through our apartment and is much more complicated and difficult for moving, and one from the outside. We don’t trust her assertion that she needs to go in through our apartment and she can’t give a good-sounding reason why.

Oh, and EFoP never lets June in your house again. Ever. Not for any reason. If June is hungry and shows up, EFoP leaves her on the front step, locks the door behind, and comes out with PB&J sandwiches and phone numbers to social services that could help.

15

Some time ago, a friend told me about some of his kids’ friends sleeping over at their house. A few days after the event, the other parent called and said, “Oh by the way, I meant to tell you: my kids have lice.”

He was not a happy camper. Getting rid of them took an all out effort for a month…you comb them out, use that special comb, but shit, you both laid your head on that couch and sure enough you find more in your hair. Total nightmare.

Association with druggies must be like that. Yeah, did June learn where the hidden key is, or any security codes? Hmm, you’re out of Xanax but that looked like a nice new stereo in the living room that could be traded for some: easy pickings if they know your schedule. Pretty soon June is getting a ride out to your place from some dirty, pervy, dangerous-looking individual. I’d hate to think if UPS left a package on your doorstep or if…ah, there are just too many angles here.

I disagree with Ferret about bringing PBJ to the porch. When you feed a dog once, it will follow you home every time. You need zero tolerance for a druggie on your property.

16

Good point, I thought maybe I was being too mean. But that’s how people who steal to feed their drug habit get you.

17

Yeah, I know what you mean. You’d like to help but druggies are going to deal crooked with you every time and norinew’s guard needs to be way up.

I envision a scene like this, downtown…

EFoP: Here, I brought you some sandwiches
June: Oh. (underwhelmed)

The homeless can always dumpster dive for food, panhandle change, etc. What are Ramen, 6 for a buck? Food’s pretty cheap and easy to come by. As Carol pointed out, it’s interesting that 1) June hadn’t eaten but 2) she offered to buy some drugs. If she can use food as an excuse to get entrance to the property, she’ll use it.

18

Call the cops and absolutely forbid your daughter to see this “friend” again. Lock her in her room if you have to. And lockup any and all prescription drugs.

19

Well, I guess I was so taken aback by the whole thing I didn’t even think about that. Although it is possible, I suppose, that if my daughter had agreed to sell her drugs, June might have tried to buy them on “credit”.

To answer the questions, no, she doesn’t know where a spare house key is. It’s a good point, though.

I know my daughter will feel terrible if I report it to the police, but you all raise some good points, and it doesn’t look like I have much choice.

Thanks for all the input.

20

You can report the drugs missing. But at this late date, you’ll have to give the police the names of everyone who’s been in your house since it happened. June’s name will be on the list, but since you have no proof she actually did it, your daughter probably won’t feel as bad that you reported it. It sure looks like she did it, but without that proof, what are the police going to do to this girl? There are five pills missing, and they were probably ingested long ago, so no visible proof anyway. The cops have bigger fish to fry. I doubt they’ll even confront her.