You really want to strut your stuff, then. 
Mr Devote sounds… well, not too good to be true, but almost there.
I wish both of them all the luck in the world, but a little blackhearted suspicious part of me fears that he knows about ummkay’s dad being loaded and that he is in it for the money. And that he knows that umkay is not wary about a suitor being after her money because she is too busy being wary about a suitor having a controlling kink.
Oh, fack. You have a decent point there.
But let me say this: If Mr. D is pursuing me because he thinks I’m helpless or that I’ll be easy to control, well…
chuckles
…not all my boyfriends have broken up with me over the chair. Let’s just say words like “ornery” and “stubborn” and “pain in the ass” have been mentioned. 
Basically, I don’t take anybody’s sh*t. And I have an agenda for how I see my life going.
As for my physical safety or worries about him dominating me, I appreciate everyone’s concerns. But keep in mind that I have four very able-bodied older brothers. 
I don’t know what I’m going to do long-term. But I think I will keep my date with him tomorrow night and just take it one date at a time. If he starts giving me the creeps, I won’t hesitate to drop him like a bad habit.
Sounds like a plan. Good luck!
If I could do a little armchair psychologizing. It seems that after the accident you reacting against the pity that people exhibited towards you by defining yourself as not as a victim but as an overcomer. You want to see yourself as someone who has transcended your handicap instead of being defined by it. You seem afraid that the fact he is attracted to your disability will cast you as the victim again and as a person to be cared for instead of admired. An outsider may see this as there being a lid for every pot and a lucky thing but to you it is a potential threat to your hard fought identity.
I think this is more common among women than men realize. I have heard big busted women say that want to be loved for themselves and they get tired of men not looking at them in the face. I even know a woman who will not wear lingerie because she wants her husband to be turned on by her and not the clothing.
It sounds like he is just on a more extreme point of the scale. We all do things for the people we love that, strictly speaking, we don’t get anything out of. I love performing oral sex on my wife, and am amazed and thrilled by the intensity of her orgasms. Doing this for her excites me. So maybe he just has that same impulse, only more so.
By the way umkay, if this relationship works out I think you have the makings of a really excellent book.
Oh dear, did I kill this thread?
Didn’t read the whole thread, but just a .02 worth. I dated a woman for a few months who was wheelchair bound. I had zero problems with her, but the family were extremely hostile and seemed to operate under the assumption that anyone who was really “into” her was just looking exploit/abuse her in some way. Working around her disability was pretty easy, the parents unfortunately were a deal breaker.
Man, that is some heavy conversation for a first date, amirite?
That was last night. Any updates?
Haha! All right–I was warned that this thread would need to be resurrected periodically:
Mr. D and I had a lovely time last night. We went wine-tasting and the topic of his unusual kink did not come up, by mutual implicit decision. So it was a much more normal date than our first. And he didn’t give me the creeps at all. There was some kissing, but we kept it pretty clean. Don’t get me wrong–I’d like to jump his bones immediately, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way, but I think some delayed gratification is called for in this peculiar circumstance.
This afternoon my brother and some friends and I were planning to have a little swim party at my folks’ house, and my brother texted and asked if I minded if he brought Mr. D. I said I didn’t mind, so we ended up hanging out again today, poolside. There was a group of us there, so it wasn’t romantic, but it was fun.
A semi-related post-script: Later this afternoon, after looking through some old college photos, I was feeling devilish, so I called my hairstylist and asked if she could fit me in. She made some room for me, and dyed my hair blonde like I had in school. Mr. D, who prefers brunettes, will just have to deal with it. Is that btchy? I don’t know–I just feel like I need to let him know I’m the assertive type with a mind of my own, right off the bat. (Yeah, that’s probably btchy, at the very least an immature way of handling it. Meh.)
Lol at the hair change 
Just make sure you’re not being too defensive; give the guy a chance. 
Besides, the very beginning of a relationship is the time when just about anything can happen and nobody cares 'cause SEX IS GONNA HAPPEN!!! It’s not until later that you acknowledge that yeah, blonde hair really sucks or you really don’t like his nose hairs. 
Give it a chance to be normal by…being your normal self. No point in starting head-games right off the bat if there’s no reason to.
Interesting perspective from a self-proclaimed devotee who has had experience in relationships with both disabled and non-disabled partners.
ETA: I am in no way trying to be a buzz kill. I promise. 
I just find this subject fascinating.
If you can hold down a decent conversation, and if he turns you on, there’s no problem at all. Do you feel romantically inclined towards him, or is it just because you’re quite keen to land yourself a long term bf?
umkay, isn’t it refreshing when someone presumes something merely stereotypically female about you, rather than something about your disability? :smack:
ok, this is just my input: if he had to have liquid courage to tell you, then he probably isn’t driven by his fetish.
HA! I wasn’t going to say anything…but I’m glad you did.
Why do you think this? I’m not saying he necessarily has a fetish but being ashamed and guilt-ridden over one’s sexual attractions doesn’t strike me as reasons to disqualify those attractions as fetishes. He has already admitted to needing to picture disabled women when he is with AB women in order to achieve arousal; this to me sounds like a fetish.
For what it’s worth, since I wasn’t clear about it, I didn’t mean to suggest that homeboy’s going to pull some Justine shit or anything. I’m on his side, or was until I read how he described his attraction. I’m sure he’s probably as harmless as the next guy, even one with the ability to look past the average girl’s unfortunate penchant for moving around. I just think I’m familiar with the kind of place he sounds like he’s approaching it from, and I think it sounds like the kind of place that makes for a crappy relationship. It’s kind of axiomatic that helplessness and dependence are poisonous to getting along with people, but he’s saying – actually saying, in so many words – that your perceived dependence on him is what oscars his grouch in this relationship. I imagine it’s because it makes him feel valuable. I don’t think that makes him a predator; just maybe a bum.
This sums up my concerns pretty accurately.