Should I even consider a date with her?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Ok, I know for many men out there, this is a completely insane question. But I actually would like advice from people who appreciate and care about some of the larger implications and consequences of actions?

I am 34. Divorced 6 months ago. I have had one small fling while divorced, but basically not much going on in my social life. I live in a small town without a huge population of single women in my age range.

I go into this little restaurant about once a week, and their is this young woman their…who is quite beautiful…and after about the 6th time I went in there, she suddenly seems to be flirting with me. I was in there with one of my friends, and he was shocked with how oblivious I was to how “into me” she was.

So the last time I was there, I actually spoke to her in a bit of length. It turns out she is exactly about the age I guessed…barely 22 years old… But she seemed very happy to chat it up with me, and I got the distinct impression as we were talking about activities…if I invited her to go hiking or something she would do it. I didn’t ask though…because my spidey sense was urging me to “CAUTION! CAUTION!”

My male friend says he cannot believe I would hesitate to ask this girl out…He says her age is completely irrelevant.

Now I don’t know that she really would go hang out with me. Maybe she would be horrified by an old man like me asking her out… Maybe she flirts with everyone that way. If she were say, 26-36 I would just ask her out and get rejected or not.

But she is 22! Is it just stupid for me to consider asking this girl out? Is it remotely possible that we could have a healthy relationship? Am I being unnecessarily cautious in assuming a 22 year old girl will be too hopelessly immature and naive to possibly be even be someone I date?

If I get past all that… Should I care about the social impression of this? Should I care that my ex wife has step kids (not mine) that are older then this girl? Should I care that I have an 19 year old adopted daughter…ok…that one might probably you will say yea…

Or am I making all this too complicated. I am an adult. Another attractive adult woman is interested in me, I am interested in her, give it a try and see what happens? Screw what people think?

I am especially interested in opinions from women out there, but all responses appreciated.

2

FWIW, my father was 33 when he married my mother. She was 23

3

MrWhatsit and I started seeing each other when I was 18 and he was 30. We’re married now and have three kids. I say, go for it.

4

Consider a date? sure, why not? A date isn’t a promise of marriage. If she turns out to be way too immature for you, or right up your alley… that’s partly what a date is for.

The other part? To have fun with someone to whom you are attracted. To flirt and enjoy time with another person. If you are attracted to this person…

From that perspective, I don’t see anything stopping you.

You are 12 years older than her. That isn’t in the creepy category, once a woman is over 21, in my opinion.

Go on a hike with her. Go see a movie. You aren’t buying a ring.

5

Mr. Wonderland was 22 when we met. I was 34. It worked well enough for us.

6

Jeez, dude, you’re talking like you’re in your late 50s or something.

You’re not that old, relative to her. Which means she’s not that young, relative to you. She’s a big girl, capable of making her own decisions.

Go for it, before you ARE too old.

7

Well, I am not used to dating younger women. My ex wife is 40…and like I said, she has two step kids about 22…and I have an adopted daughter who is 19… So there will be a little wierdness if this went anywhere and everyone met everyone else… But I guess its just cowardly to care too much about all that…

8

Postin’ me too like some brain-dead AOLer.

9

Seem too worried to me, even if you were 50; a date doesn’t matter.

Oh wait, did you marry your first wife after 1 date?

10

I can see why this concerns you. The person I could see this being an issue with would be your daughter (your ex’s view is irrelevant). I could see a 19 year old being embarrassed that her dad is dating someone in her age group.
Is this girl a waitress? It’s entirely possible that she is “flirting” with you for tips and not actually interested. It happens a lot in restaurants.
Does she know how old you are? She might have a problem with your age. Honestly, when I was 22, I would have considered a 34 year old too old for me.
Heck, 30 seemed pretty old to me until I turned 25. :slight_smile:

But if you really do think she’s interested, I could see asking her out and seeing if you’re compatible, same as you’d do with anyone else. I do think early-20s and early-30s do have some significant differences between them, so the odds it will end happiyl ever after are probably lower than if you met someone at your same age level/experience/maturity, but she IS an adult and I don’t think it’s immoral or creepy like it would be if she was still a teen.

11

Schrödinger’s cat.

OK, sorry.

IMO, go on a date, see if you enjoy yourself. If you don’t, one night was wasted. If you do, maybe a lifetime of happiness is found.

12

I think it is normal for you to be concerned about a 12 year age difference, but as others have said, you are both adults, and she will make her own decisions. Heck, for all you know, she’s into older guys because they are more stable, more considerate lovers, and have better stuff than guys her own age (to make some sweeping generalizations).

I think the real caution here is asking out a waitperson who might just be friendly. I’d throw out something very tentative and non-threatening, and see if she’s interested in you or is just doing her job.

13

I say you should leave her for men her own age who will obviously treat her with much greater dignity and respect than a creepy old fogey like you ever could.

heh.

14

That’s brilliant!

15

What are you afraid of? Being awesome?

16

I think you are shell-shocked from being divorced. Sure the age difference will be a part of a potential relationship with her, but maybe it can be overcome. Maybe not.

Nobody will know if you don’t go out with her.

BTW, the “I’m 34 and I have a hot 22 year old girl flirting with me” doesn’t give you any sympathy from me, bro :wink:

17

Most of the people I work with are straight out of school (21-25) and I have no small amount of difficulty relating to them, i.e. their expectations, interests, et cetera. (I seem to be stuck in some circle of Hell unlisted in The Inferno in which pop culture references and literary allusions go right over their heads, which makes me feel even older than I ought; when I made not-too-subtle comparison to “Gilligan’s Island” in a staff meeting and only my boss and a coule of past-retirement-age greybeards knew what I was talking about I felt about fifty years old.) So I’d be a little wary about dating someone that age on the basis of being able to relate to her. Of course, I have difficulty in relating to pretty much everybody, and I haven’t managed to have an actual date in donkey’s years, so I’m hardly the person to grant advice on the topic.

I’d also be wary about overstating flirtatious interest from a waitress; she may be just doing her job and passing the time. In my woeful experience in that venue, it is best to take suggestions therefrom with a grain of salt, lest you end up in a self-referential Charlie Kaufman movie being scorned by a gaggle of waitresses and being escorted out by the manager. But again, your luck and manner may be better than mine.

Stranger

18

Without reading beyond the title: Yes.

After having read your post: Still yes.

Don’t overthink it. Just ask.

19

It’s a date. Why does American culture think a date is so incredibly life-shatteringly important? Ask now please.

20

From the amount of lather being generated over this I think the OP is too immature for a 22-year-old.