analog date story (and request for advice)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Every time I read a date thread in MPSIMS, especially one asking for advice, I swear I’ll never do that. Yet here we are. :slight_smile:

So, I went out last night with the girl I picked up here. We went to a local “entertainment super center” type place, one with bowling, pool, arcade, movies (including an IMAX screen) and a variety of bars and restaurants. Nice, reliable first date place.

The reason the thread is titled “analog date story” is that, as I was driving there, I realized this was the first date I’d been on since my divorce two years ago where I had met the girl in real life rather than over the internet. I’d forgotten what a different feeling that is. When you meet someone over the 'net before meeting in person, you almost always know at least a little about them. I think that’s true whether you IM or e-mail back and forth for a week or two before going out for coffee, or you correspond for a year from opposite sides of the country, falling in love before finally flying to meet the other person.

At any rate, when we met and I started to chat her up, I was struck by how little I knew about her. I didn’t know where (specifically) she lived or even how old she was. (More on that last point later!) There’s a level of jitteriness to an “analog” first date that I had forgotten. Instead of already being at least passing familiar with the details of her life, all I knew about this girl was what I had learned at the bar, namely: she’s cute, and she thought my jokes were funny. It was actually exhilarating because you’re trying to get to know the person, see if you have anything in common, etc., while also trying to figure out what chemistry, if any, is there.

So, we had a beer and played pool (she beat me). We played that barroom shuffleboard game (she beat me). We ate at Red Robin. We briefly considered a movie, then said “nah” and went back and played some Skee-Ball (she beat me). We then cashed in our Skee-Ball tickets for a plush tree frog (for her) and a little toilet full of this silly putty-esque substance that makes farting noises (for me). Classy, I know, but by that point of the evening we were laughing pretty much constantly at each other.

(WARNING: MAY CAUSE NAUSEA) The cute moment of the evening occurred at Red Robin, after the server brought the check. I picked it up before she could.

Brooke: I can get that.
Ben: No, I got it.
Brooke: You paid for the pool. Let me get dinner.
Ben: No, it’s my treat. I invited you and I chose the place.
Brooke: Yeah, but I accepted the invitation.
Ben: Well, if you feel so strongly about it…you can pay for the movie on Friday. (There had been no talk of another date yet, let alone Friday in particular.)
Brooke: OK, yeah, I can…(pauses, grins :smiley: )…hey, that was sneaky!
Ben: Yep. Did I need to be?
Brooke: No. (grin softens into smile:))

I walked her back to her car and said goodnight to her after briefly considering, then rejecting the idea of a kiss. (I figure I have at least one more date, maybe two, in which to break that barrier. No rush.) Everything went really nicely.

Now here’s the catch, and here’s where I could use some advice: remember when I mentioned that you really know so little about a girl when you haven’t been reading a website profile or exchanging e-mails? It turns out she’s really young. She turned 23 last week, a few days before I turned 34. We found this out about each other within the first 15 minutes last night, and my initial reaction was :eek:. She, however, didn’t seem fazed in the least, an impression which was borne out by the fact that she wants to go out again. I wouldn’t say I’m fazed either, but I’m…surprised. I figured, when I first got her number, that she was 26 or 28. Should it make a difference? FWIW, she lives on her own, works full time and goes to school part time, so she’s living like an adult. (Yes, I know 23 is an adult, but a lot of 23 year olds live with their parents and go to school full time. That would feel very different for me.)

Should I go with the flow? Advice, anecdotes and accusations of dirty-old-man-ness welcome.

2

Awww! Very cute. And I say keep going out with her. The age thing can be an obstacle with some couples, but it sounds like since she’s living as an adult, it should be ok.

Good luck!

3

You are, in fact, a dirty, dirty man. And the envy of tons of people.

Best of luck, and enjoy yourself.

4

Thanks. Oh, hey…you’re a fellow Houstonian. In that case, to flesh the story out for you, we were at the Marq*E, where we played around at Dave and Buster’s. :slight_smile:

5

:smiley: Thanks, man.

6

Meh, when it comes to things like this, I always like to bust out the story about how my mom and dad met. He had just turned 40, and she was his 25 year old secretary, and… :wink: …Cue ~34 years later, and they’re still together and doing alright.

Actually, it’s pretty tame. She was the secretary for a group of engineers at their company (including him), and they got to know each other fairly well. He was single, she was single, she took a shine to him, so when he asked her out, they started dating. After several months he proposed, and the rest is history.

It sounds like you’ve got a good thing going. I’m no expert at relationships (being 23 and single), but I think you should just enjoy it and not worry about things like that.

Congrats!

7

Meh, you’re fine. :slight_smile: Have fun at the movie on Friday!

8

I’ve know people who were more grown up, mature and responsible at 18 than others at 38. She sounds like she’s got her act together pretty well. Don’t worry about the number, it’s the character, and how she behaves, that matters.

9

Thanks, H3K. And now that I think of it, my dad was almost 10 years older than my mom, and they did great. It’s just the first time I’ve personally dated someone so much younger.

10

Only 11 years difference? No prob! Now, if you were 44 rather than 34, that might be cause for reconsideration.

Good luck! :slight_smile:

11

Wow, I sort of expected to get smacked around at least a little here, but so far there haven’t even been any dissenting voices in the “go for it!” chorus. Well, folks, may I suggest you buy stock in Viagra (is it Pfizer?)… :cool:

12

Smacked around? Pshaw!

My husband is 9 years older than I am. It’s no big deal. (Except when I call him Father Time - then he gets annoyed. :wink: )

Hope things go great for ya!!!

13

I don’t know, 34/2 + 7 = 24.

14

This was literally the first thing to go through my mind when she told me her age. :frowning:

15

I suggest being a “complete and total asshole”. That should ensure a third date. :wink:

I might be a little skittish about 11 years’ difference, but as others have said, it sounds like she’s very “adult”. Congrats, and have fun!

16

Sorry, I don’t get it…

17

A guy isn’t supposed to date a girl who is younger than half his age plus seven years. Since I’m 34, half of 34 = 17, plus 7 = 24 years old “should” be my lower limit.

18

Oh, you! My husband is 11 years older than I am and it makes not one bit of difference. I will say that we were/are older than you when we got together, so I wasn’t a wide-eyed 23-year-old young thang. However, I was married to my first husband at the age of 23, definitely living on my own as an adult (working fulltime as the editor of a community newspaper) and managing very nicely.

Anyway, you are in face-to-face in person contact with her and getting to know her the “old fashioned” way. (This makes me go :eek: ). You are in the best position to judge her level of maturity, which is not as easy via online communication. Good luck and relax. :wink:

19

Awww! I think it’s a really cute story. Go for it!

20

According to who? I’ve never heard this before. Seems a bit arbitrary.