(wrong thread)
Yay! 
Yay?
Good heavens let it go you guys just grew apart it’s not like you were lovers. I think. I let friendships lapse all the time. No big deal, homie. There are about 4 billion other people out there waiting to be friends with you. And BTW one of the biggest things you can do to drastically change your circle of friends is have a kid.
Probably in response to my misdirected post. I thought I was clicking on New Thread.
Ah. I see.
There are a couple of different way of looking at it.
I don’t want to single out any specific posters, because I don’t feel like verifying their posting history. But my general sense of SDMB people is that they tend to be a rather passive, non-confrontational bunch who were frequently ignored and picked on or otherwise abused in their younger days. So I’m wondering how much of the flippant “he’s just not that into you” remarks are the product of a learned response that it is ok for others to just blow them off or otherwise disrespect them.
If someone was truly a longtime close friend, it is NOT okay to just up and engage in what is really obvious passive-aggressive behavior and not expect to be called on it. One of the hallmarks of being true “friends” is that the friendship can survive one telling the other he’s acting like an asshole.
OTOH, even with some of my closest long term friends, the relationship may ebb and flow over time. One of us might be going through some shit or just needs a break from the other. Sometimes if the person is not being responsive, it’s best to back off and give them some space.
I should also point out that the OP is describing a “work” friend. One thing I’ve noticed about work friends is that not matter how awesome the friendship seems to be, those relationships rarely survive a major workplace life event (transfer, cetain promotions, terminations, etc). The dynamic changes or people fall “out of the loop”.
So, basically, you’re advising the very same thing as the rest of the posters above, but not before making sure that a bunch of losers on the internet understand that you’re much cooler and socially well-adjusted than they are. Got it.
I didn’t use the term “loser”. You did. I merely restated what a significant number of SDMB posters have said about themselves in the past and how I thought it might color their perceptions. But thanks for projecting on me.
Also, I think my advice was a little different from the “just let it go” advice others have provided.
I really don’t know. I mean why do people from high school who I haven’t seen in 20 years and never really hung out with socially “friend” me on Facebook? Why are there some friends I see once every few years IRL and it’s like no time has passed while I can hang out with other friends every single weekend but I would forget their name in a month if they moved out of town?
I wouldn’t really ask someone unless I had been really close friends, best buddies type, with them, because as other say, a lot of friendships are situational.
If you were really that close, then it’s OK to have a “what happened?” talk because ending a close friendship is more deliberate than the passing of a situational friendship.
Other that that, it would seem strange to get a call from someone asking why you didn’t care as much as you used to be.
I should think that the ‘travel plans’ with ensuing lack of the promised communication is enough of a message. He has your number/email, he knows you want a get-together and he knows that you are expecting him to call.
He laughs. Or, he dreads calling you. Can’t think of a reasonable third option. Even if I could, I wouldn’t go with it. The guy has activities/people that are more important to him than you are. Scrape this one off.
Best wishes,
hh
Seems to be a pretty strong majority opinion here that it is a lost cause.
That said, I think I am going to put on my thickest skin, swallow my pride and prepare to be shot down, but will give it one more shot.
I will try one more time to see if we can get together and see what happens. But I will follow one bit of advice and will avoid the ‘what’s up?’ part. No point challenging him. I will just propose getting together and see what happens.
I should mention that in response to a facebook message I sent Dave a month ago he did tell me to come see his band play. I wasn’t able to go, but perhaps that shows it isn’t a complete cold shoulder…
It’s like this. I am “friends” with a lot of different people, but my level of interaction with them varies based on proximity, mutual interests and other factors. IOW, it’s not a FRIEND=Y/N thing. People can get promoted/demoted on the friend hierarchy as the relationship changes.
Major factors that can change the nature of a friendship include:
Change in SO relationship status (single/girlfriend/married/divorce)
Kids
Joining or leaving a shared activity (clubs, band, gym, sports teams, etc)
Major life changes (graduations, joining/leaving the Army, etc)
Career dynamics (job or industry change, promotions, terminations)
Change in geography
Changes in alchohol or drug habits
A change in any one of these things can radically change the dynamics of your friendships. Remember that 90% of your friends are probably just people you happened to get thrown in with randomly.
It’s important to make a distinction between “I don’t have time to do stuff with you” and “I don’t want to be around you”. You also have to guage people’s personality. For example, I’m terrible at making plans. But if someone calls me up to do something, I’m usually down for it.
If you don’t get a response this time, please let it go. I have a mutual acquaintance with a good friend that I tried to be friends with. Turns out, I don’t really get anything from a friendship with her. I did the tried and true slowly disengage thing like your friend did. She would NOT take the hint and kept trying and trying and trying and I kept politely turning her down. Then she got our mutual friend involved who confronted me (!!) about why I was being so mean to this woman. (“You should at least respond to her.” Really? I’ve spent three months politely declining every invitation, I wasn’t mean!) Pissed me right the hell off and absolutely put the last nail in the coffin.
I get that this situation doesn’t make you happy, but if you keep asking when it’s clear what the answer is, to me that reads that you don’t really respect this guy or his feelings and that what you want is more important that what he wants. Not a good foundation for a friendship. And monstro’s right. Confronting him is a bad idea. You’re not going to get the answer you want. He has told you his answer through his behavior.
(Stupidly, I saw this woman at a party and talked with her for a bit, and the email invitations started right up again… )
You need to fight for your right to party, and this friendship!
Listen, guys are just like girls, except without the whole vagina thing. We like people telling us we’re pretty too, but substitute handsome, or manly, or penistastic. You have to find this Dave, either at work or home, and get him when he’s alone. Send him a huge batch of flowers (Edible Arrangements would do too), and then burst into his office/home singing “I need you nooooow!”
Then you go up to him, hold his hand, gently stroke his hair (or cheek if he’s bald) and, with tears in your eyes, ask him why he stopped talking to you and getting together. Give him the manliest hug you can, like those paintings of Spartans during the ancient Olympics (bonus points if you’re naked like they were) and grab a firm hold on both his ass cheeks and don’t let go until he talks to you.
Afterwards, as your friendship will surely be repaired, go out for a boy’s night. Just the two of you. Picture this: candles, scented lotion, a spa, and a mountain of chocolate bon bons. You can talk about love and life, and relationships and how your wives never get you but you guys get each other.
Once you finish rinsing the mud off each other, get dressed and go home (not together, I mean to your own homes!) and make love to your wife while thinking of the great day you had with Dave, and I’m sure he’d be thinking the same thing. At night, when you both wake up, stare out into the night sky. Both of you will be looking at the same star. Make a wish that you’ll be friends forever
I change my answer to that. ^^^^ 
Relationship rules are different for men and women. Specifically, the whole “I’m going to break you with you as my friend” doesn’t happen with guys. If you care enough about someone to litterally “break up” with them then they are probably too good of a friend to actually break up with. We don’t really do the whole judgmental “OMG I’m breaking up with Cindy because she’s wearing my sweater” thing.
You really do have an odd perspective on women.
Totally.
I’d say to let it go.
I had something similar happen to me about 5 years ago. The friend of mine had moved to Dallas shortly before I did (1999), and me, him and my roommate(another good friend) hung out together all the time, eventually all moving into the roommate’s house when he bought one (2003).
Me and the friend worked out 3x a week together, went to church together (more on that later) and went out on the weekends together. He, I and the roommate were best friends in the best sense of the word.
The friend and I started going to his buddy’s church in about 2000, and over time, the friend ended up getting more and more wrapped up in it- I realized that we had hit the jump into the church with both feet or get lost point- he jumped, I got lost. After that, he gradually distanced himself from me and my roommate. Our 3x a week workouts turned into 1x a week, because he wanted to change days to accomodate his church stuff, and I already had plans on those days (because those weren’t workout days!).
It’s not like our behavior changed, but it’s as if he decided as he got more churchy, that he didn’t want to hang around with me and the roommate, who are relatively normal guys who had girlfriends from time to time, and liked to go out and drink.
Eventually, he moved out of the house, and I hear from him about every 9 months or so, usually through a Facebook message. Roommate and I, while no longer roommates (I’m married) still get together every week or two for beers and/or mexican food.
It makes me sad, but what else could I have done?