Should I Give him the Axe?

In My Humble Opinion
101

[QUOTE=FRDE]

If he was doped, about 90% likely, then few people would be able to handle it, unless they .. just knew
[/QUOTE]

If you’re not fuckin’ around in situations that a person in a committed relationship shouldn’t be fuckin’ around in, you won’t get doped.
If, like me, you love to check out some third-rate bars after midnight, you watch yourself. There’s no excuse for being unfaithful.

As for stopping payment on the credit cards, he says he got the services at the agreed upon price. He legally owes the money, and taking it back would be stealing the services. Unethical and illegal.

102

SailBunny, I realize that this thread was intended to be cathartic. However, it (along with your life) appears to have turned into something a bit messier.

I have no advice for your life, as I do not know you, but I would suggest that you step away from this thread until you figure out what you are going to do with your life and relationship, sounding out your real life friends who know your personality and that of your (ex-)SO. Most of us are well-meaning (although a few of us have axes to grind), but without knowing YOU, our advice is going to be based on our own preconceptions and world views. If you read back over the thread, you will find posters who believe that a single fling with a prostitute is an unforgiveable sin and others who are more concerned that he was an idiot for being scammed while others will feel that his one-time mistake should not condemn your relationship for all time. There will be posters who take individual phrases from your posts, interpret them throuhh their own life experiences, and make solemn pronouncements that there is only one legitimate course of action open to you–even though they have never lived your life and have no clue that your dropped phrase means the same thing to you that it did to them. Since you were already feeling a bit unsure of the relationship before this incident, (something that nearly all people experience at some point), you are probably even more susceptible to “advice”–and should probably be even more wary of it.

It is your choice whether you wish to ask that this thread be closed or left open, but I would urge you to stop reading it–not because we are malicious or incompetent, but because we can only project our beliefs onto you while being ignorant of your actual situation.

103

[QUOTE=SailBunny]
So, Finally back in contact. It sounds like he was completely scammed. Some thai guy pretends to be his friend, they go out to dinner, get a lot of drinks, then he says lets go to this place…bring your credit card. So it was supposed to be a happy ending type deal, but I suppose it turned out to be much more. So he winds up being charged for all 4 girls, for both him & his thai “friend”.
[/QUOTE]

This is not an uncommon scam actually, although I’m not familiar with the version that includes girls. Usually it involves gem sales, with the buyer promised that he can make a huge profit back home, only to learn back home that he was vastly overcharged. Sometimes it involves going back to the newfound friend’s home, and there’s a cousin there who is a card dealer in an underground casino and shows the tourist some tricks used in cheating, and lo and behold but there just happens to be a friendly little poker game on for that night, and would he help them cheat the other players? Of course, he ends up losing his shirt and a wad that he’s borrowed and signed IOUs for. Suddenly his new buddies aren’t so friendly any more, and he ends up cashing in all of his travelers’ checks or having them accompany him to an ATM machine.

A couple of others, too, but this one involving four girls for two threesomes is a bit new to me, but I can believe it happening. Thais are very friendly, but really, they’re not so friendly that they’re going to adopt you right on the spot as their new blood brother. My scam meter always goes way off when a Thai on the street becomes obviously overly friendly, and I give him the brush-off pronto every time. One of the downsides of Thailand being so relatively safe is that after the pushy touts and such in other countries in the region, Thailand can seem so laid back that the tourist often lets his guard down unintentionally.

The suggestion of putting a stop on the credit card is a good one. It MIGHT involve making a police report, although the police are usually pretty useless in these kinds of cases.

104

Yeah, thanks Tomndebb, it is good advice. I have been talking to my friends about it, but it is so embarassing and ridiculous that it’s hard. I obviously can’t tell any of our mutual friends, or my mom, you know?

I guess in the end it’s the sortof thing where when you’re not in it, the answer seems obvious. However, when you find yourself in the situation, it’s completely different. I have appreciated some of the comments in this thread, because there has been a multitude of viewpoints. I will try to abstain from reading it in the future. Thanks

105

Good luck. I don’t know you, but I do know how utterly persuasive these conmen can be, so I’m inclined to tell you to give him the benefit of the doubt. A lot of people falling for these scams end up wondering just how the heck all of that happened anyway, they were in so deep before they ever knew what was going on. In-your-face crime like armed robberies are very uncommon here, the streets are completely safe to walk at all hours of the night, but these scams abound and are just awaiting the unwary.

106

Before you abandon our advice completely, let me just add this: when I questioned my (now-ex)husband about a charge on our credit card, he told me he had been scammed by someone into paying for a “lingerie show” at a local establishment. I really tried to believe him…for four more years. Lying like that comes very easy to some guys. I would believe your guy more if he hadn’t done the “totally worth it” comment to his friend. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break form this relationship and seeing how you feel in a few weeks. Don’t base your decision on how you are feeling right now, in the heat of emotions. Give yourself some time to step back, concentrate on exams and get some perspective. Before he gives you an STD or breaks your heart when you’ve got kids to support. And change those passwords.

107

[QUOTE=SailBunny]
I know things can seem so black & white on the internet, but real life is always a bit more tricky. I do believe that this was a one time transgression, and also believe that he did not go there with the intention of banging thai prostitutes. As to his bragging about it, totally immature male bravado. Then there is that tricky thing called love…I guess I do love him. So , I dont know. Part of me was feeling the taste of freedom, and part of me couldnt believe we wouldn’t be together anymore.
[/QUOTE]

This feeling right after the breakup is not uncommon. IMHO, if you’re really trying to rationalize for him, then you might as well get back together. I mean, “Didn’t go there with the intention of banging thai prostitutes”? Can you say that out loud and not burst into laughter? Frankly there’s not a big difference between “didn’t go there with the intention” and “bragged that night about doing”. So, YMMV. If he really can’t go on a trip without having the urge to stick his wee-wee into a pretty girl, you probably can’t trust him anymore. And with your knowledge of the email account’s password, you will just keep snooping.
Why? Because you don’t trust him anymore. And once you’ve lost the trust in a relationship, it’s very very very very almost impossible to get back. Some marriages survive infidelity. Most don’t.

There’s nothing wrong with you still loving him. Remember, your decision earlier wasn’t to break up with him because you didn’t feel love towards him. You had been considering this before the whole Thai-prostitute thing anyway. You do love him. You will still love him. But I’d guess that you don’t trust or respect him anymore, which is just as important to a healthy relationship as love.

So blow off his attempts at guilting you by saying that he will come back if you break up. He fucked up. Whether you trust him is up to you to decide, but it’s not the same thing as still loving him. Trust can be blown in an instant, it takes a very long time for love to go away.

My advice? Don’t do it. As a girl who has put up with cheaters before and heard all of the excuses, you have to listen to your gut and not your head right now. Your head is trying to rationalize his behavior. It’s telling you, “Well, he didn’t mean it, and it’s probably not that bad, right? He probably got scammed. He probably didn’t enjoy the sex. He’ll probably never do it again.”
But don’t get farther into the relationship now that you know what kind of person he is capable of being. Trust me on this. Now is as good a time as any to get out. Next year, maybe not so much.
-foxy

108

Well, all I can say, if you’re still reading this, is that you have to go by his story, and what he told his friends. Who knows? He might have been more complicit than he lets on. I kind of doubt that he wanted to pay 700 dollars, surely, but that he was surprised by the prostitutes? Well, I can’t say if I believe that. The decision is yours whether to stay with him. It depends on how much you can trust him now. It’s definitely a valuable lesson for the both of you though. In I agree with FDRE though, in that couples that marry early split early. I know you love him, but you’ll learn in the future, if you meet another guy, that with another person it’s another kind of love. Maybe even better? You can’t know.

At the very least spend at least a week or two. Don’t rescind your breakup, just tell him that you’ll talk about it when he gets back. You need time to think this out. I got out of a very bad (in hindsight) relationship with an ex this way. I asked for time off, which my gf took it as a breakup. I felt bad, because she was going through a hard time, but in the end I was lying to myself and her. It was my first girlfriend by the way. That’s different than what you’re saying, but maybe after a week or two you’ll realize that everything isn’t so rosy? I still found myself talking to her periodically, because I was used to it. After time we simply lost contact. Not that it has to be that way with him. You can still be friends if you see him around. I’m sure he’ll understand your not forgiving. And word will get out back home, because, it sounds like a small community. It doesn’t matter though, because he has his story that sounds okay, and even if you buy that, you still have justification.

But sit on it for a while (not the fonzie way, eyyy!) and try to remove yourself from that position. Hell, I even had sentimental withdrawal from the last bar that I quit working at. It was ruining my life but I still felt sad about it. Why? because it’s comfortable. Don’t confuse love with comfort. Love is comforting, but comfort isn’t love.

At the VERY least, if you do take him back, have him tested.

109

I also wanted to add…

Just to clarify about the bragging part. This is probably the worst thing of the whole situation. I don’t care what he says about being taken advantage of. I’d NEVER tell anyone about it, much less try to spin it in some way that made me sound heroic. Think about it. You emailed him. He had time to get a story planned. It’s way too easy to cover your tracks then…Why would he brag about being taken advantage of…Don’t listen to him at all with his stories.

110

I think that this is beyond ‘emotional’

  • he needs to get out of there fast.

I can see unpleasant developments if he does not.

Also I think that this thread has been worthwhile

  • but I would suggest that TomnDeb locked it (just an 'umble opinion)
111

[QUOTE=FRDE]
He is very young and very inexperienced - he got conned and is trying to put a brave face on it
[/quote]

The thing is, he didn’t have to put any face on it. Why did he have to e-mail and tell his friend about it? Including how much he paid, and how worth it it was? If that was me, and I was somehow scammed out of $700 and had sex with two hookers when I didn’t actually want to, I might ever tell anyone. If I did, it would be with rue, anger, and disgust for the whole thing. I sure wouldn’t boast about it.

I also think it’s unacceptable, if you’re in a monogamous relationship, to go for a “happy ending” session, even if you didn’t intend to have intercourse. It’s not OK. Personally, I really hope the OP doesn’t get back with this guy. She deserves better, and I don’t even know her.

This seems like one of those moments in a relationship that eventually ends badly, when you could have known what a mistake you were making and walk away with a relatively clear conscience… but you second guess yourself, you think you owe the person or the situation more than you do, and you wind up overinvested in something you should let go. JMO, from experience, but the OP’s MMV.

112

So, Siam Sam, what did Marc the legendary Frenchman do to deserve his Homeric epithet?

113

I am 99% certain he didn’t have sex with two Thai hookers, for any amount of currency.

I am not entitled to judge any other aspect of your relationship. Best of luck.

114

[QUOTE=Really Not All That Bright]
I am 99% certain he didn’t have sex with two Thai hookers, for any amount of currency.
[/quote]

How are you 99% certain?

115

[QUOTE=sinjin]
So, Siam Sam, what did Marc the legendary Frenchman do to deserve his Homeric epithet?
[/QUOTE]

You can read a great interview with him here.

As mentioned elsewhere, he opened the first brothel in Thailand in which you are required to take two or more girls – one only is not allowed except for take-away – and all girls are guaranteed bisexual. There is a bar downstairs, but unlike most establishments, he does not want guys coming in just for a drink. If you stop in just for a drink, he chases you right out. Lots of other regular bars just outside the door. A private entrance in the back leading from the next lane for those wishing to maintain anonymity.

The record for inside the club is 20 girls. Yes, some Irishman took 20 girls upstairs with him. Marc says they have some sort of orgy room upstairs, so I guess they used that. There’s a photo downstairs of the guy and the 20 girls, either before or after the upstairs session. The mind boggles. The record for take-away was 11, and the guy took them all back to his hotel, picking them up in three Mercedes-Benzes. Everyone thought he was just wealthy, but it seems he was just going through his life savings. After spending months of abusing his body with alcohol and mega-doses of Viagra each day, he actually died. I’ve heard, though, that he was terminally ill anyway and that this was his last hurrah.

Eden Club does a booming business, and Marc is a living legend because of this place. His establishment is a regular stop not only for high-powered Western business executives wanting to impress that certain special client, but apparently a number of Hollywood celebs and rock stars. He’s very discreet, though and refuses to name names.

As mentioned in the interview, Marc was going to open a second branch in Pattaya around last December, but just about the time it was due to open, the manager that he had selected to run it died of a heart attack, so he ended up selling it. I believe it still opened, only under the name of Hell Club, same format, but you don’t hear much about it. I can’t stand Pattaya anyway, so maybe I just don’t pay attention, but Eden Club is the one everyone knows.

116

Sorry. That interview is actually here instead. The http:// part got put in twice above.

117

Could someone please tell me exactly how that charge shows up on a credit card? I’m having fits trying to figure it out.

118

[QUOTE=Merkwurdigliebe]

At the VERY least, if you do take him back, have him tested.
[/QUOTE]

This bears repeating. Several times, actually.

119

[QUOTE=bobkitty]
Could someone please tell me exactly how that charge shows up on a credit card? I’m having fits trying to figure it out.
[/QUOTE]

Wouldn’t you just check the statement? Some cards also allow you to check them on the net too.

120

You could also call the CC company and ask for the pending charges and where they originate from but maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think the OP and her boyfriend have a joint CC so she might not be able to get any CC info over the phone. Maybe online if she knows the username and password.