This is a complicated story, with errors committed on both sides.
My boyfriend is traveling around South East Asia for 2 months, with my full blessing. Overall our relationship has been great, 2 years, I am still in college so we are not living together. I have been having reservations lately because of some issues, so breaking up is on my mind…but hard because we have been dating for so long.
So, today I checked his email I know his password, its wrong, its terrible…I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t check it because of trust issues, i just like to snoop. I had no expectations of anything shady, just like to read things he writes.
I read an email from my boyfriend to one of his friends:“I just paid $700 to fuck two incredibly hot thai girls. $700 US, totally worth it.”
Should I dump him? How should I do it? I’m honestly at a loss right here, but my one feeling is that no matter how many great things there are about him, he still is the type of person who would a) bang hookers b) have no reservations about spending a SIGNIFICANT amount of money for someone who claims he is living at home to save money.
So, please help me. I am so confused, and have no idea what my next action should be. I’m in the wrong too.
I also wanted to add that we live in an incredibly small, intertwined close community. We’re both very much a member of each others families. This is a Huge factor in the complications.
Like a bag full of snakes. You don’t owe him an explanation. Just say, “It’s over, it’s done, goodbye.” Adding “and thanks for all the fish” is optional.
Keep in mind that he has probably - no, definitely - been exposed to several strains of nefarious diseases through his activities. Your life is at stake here.
Not addressing the issue of spending a crapload of money on hookers: Don’t use this as the sole reason for not breaking up with someone, ever. If the relationship isn’t working out, would you prefer that you spend another two years, or four years, or longer, and have it still not work out? If you break up a long dating relationship, that doesn’t mean you “wasted” those two years - continuing on past if the relationship obviously isn’t working, that would be the waste. I say this from experience - I started dating a guy who was a year older when I was in high school, and the following year he went off to college so it turned into a long-distance relationship. I put up with a lot of emotional distance and other stuff because I didn’t want the previous time to be a “waste” because I didn’t realize what the real waste was.
My thought was that maybe he was lying to his friend to sound macho, but I’m not sure you’d want that trait in a guy either. My immediate instinct was “dump him.”
It sounds like you’re losing more than a boyfriend, and that’s difficult. But it sounds to me like you already know what you need to do. You’re not comfortable in the relationship anymore (and you weren’t before you found out he’s buying floozies in exotic countries). Sia-fuckin’-nara, baby.
I would dump him even if you were snooping. Everything else with your close intertwined families will sort itself out. I would saying something like “I’m moving on, we’re over and you’re not the type of person I wish to be with any longer”. Or something like that, and if he asked why I’d tell him. Actually I’d print out where he said he banged chicks and if he tried to ruin your rep with your family or community you have proof as to why you left him if you in fact did. But thats just me.
Yes. Not that I’ve indulged, but I’ve been around people who have. I met one guy in Phuket with a super-hot “girlfriend”, who it turned out had been rented for an entire week, and she was only about $100.
Oh, and more to the point, since the OP can never admit how she found out about it without looking like a crazy stalker, which her behaviour is indicative of, even though she may deny it to herself, she should ask herself:
If it’s true, can she live with a guy who uses hookers?
If it isn’t true, can she live with a guy who brags and lies about such things?
I suspect the answer in either case would be “no”, so drop him like he’s hot and never say why.
Could be - maybe he wants to break up with her, but doesn’t want to look like the bad guy. Maybe he wants to bust her on being a “psycho snooping chick” and made a deal with his buddies where he told them he’d be seriously lying in his E-mails to draw her out. (Or maybe I’m projecting, since my aforementioned long-term relationship was broken up by him intentionally withdrawing so I’d be the one to do the breaking up.)
My advice would be to break it off with him, but maybe not immediately. Cite the other reasons you had previously for doubting the relationship. Don’t buckle.
And whatever you do, take this part seriously: Don’t get your (next) boyfriend’s passwords. Don’t snoop. Even if you find out that he’s nothing but utterly faithful and adoring, you’re creating bad things for your relationship and risking getting busted and having him drop you for not trusting him.
I just sent him an email. I admitted to the snooping freely, I guess it is psycho, but I don’t believe that we should have things hidden. I said: I read this, Im horrified, do not contact me, we are over. No games, no wondering, no bullshit. Now I have to wait another 12-24 hours before he checks his email again.
He did not set me up, and had no wishes to dump me. He was very excited at the prospect of us living together this summer. I hope I’m not scarred for life after this. I mean, what if I HADNT snooped…I could possibly have gotten MARRIED to this person. This is going to set a great precedent for my next relationship…mmm yes, Im going to need to do a background check and get three references. I don’t even know what do with myself right now. Does anyone have any suggestions for making it through this…I don’t want to drown my sorrows in booze.
I have to agree with you. I have been in Thailand for years and years, mostly in Bangkok. Happily married, but prices are widely known here, and I have a LOT of single-male friends. A truly hot Thai babe MIGHT cost US$100, but they’re easy to find for $50 or less – sometimes $20 if you know where to look. But $700 for two? No way. Even the Eden Club brothel, operated by Marc the legendary Frenchman and in which you are required to take two girls minimum, charges you about $100 for both girls total, and that’s during peak hours!
HOWEVER, if these Thai ladies were in, say, Singapore, and the guy was a total newbie, it might be possible. But in that case, there’d also be the question of was he talking about US dollars or Singaporean dollars? S$700 is about US$460; still steep, but maybe not for Singapore.
Am I overreacting about banging hookers in Thailand? Everyone here seems to know the prices pretty well. I’m pretty laidback about most things, but just the thought of having sex with this person again makes me physically ill.
Widely accepted here. It’s a whole different scene. I don’t indulge myself, but to me that’s just like being a teetotaller in which I may not drink but have lots of buddies who do.
No, you’re not over-reacting. If I were you, I don’t think I could stand to be around that guy anymore either. I have no tolerance for cheating, and the idea of cheating with hookers is particularly sleazy. Even if he was just lying to try to impress his pal or kidding around, that still is so disrespectful of you that I think I’d still dump him for that. I doubt he would appreciate it if he caught you “joking” about banging one of his friends or something like that, right?
The overpaying thing might have been from the locals taking advantage of a gullible foreigner. In any case, I suspect he had been planning this for a while since he probably had to save up the cash, and the “pre-meditation” factor makes it even worse in my book.
Sorry to hear you have to deal with such a painful betrayal. But I definitely agree with the point about not wasting anymore time with someone once you know it’s not working. There’s someone better out there for you who would never do something this sleazy and hurtful, so the sooner you get away from this bozo the sooner you can find the right person.
I don’t think he actually did this. It sounds more like immature male bragging. Other posters here that are familiar with the economics of the business seem to confirm that his statement is bullshit.
If you want to break up with him anyway, or his acting immature adds fuel to an already existing fire, then go for it. I don’t think he actually employed two Thai hookers for $700 U.S…