I’m 25 and just got out of a one-year relationship with a wonderful 22 year old girl. I was her first bf, as she was a late bloomer and very shy.
She sat me down a few weeks ago and told me that she wanted a break. She swore up and down that I did nothing wrong, that since she was so new to the dating scene she just didn’t know what she wanted out of a relationship and it wasn’t fair to keep me around. This all came after spending Thanksgiving at my family’s house and Saturday after at her’s. She was all smiles at both.
She said she needed to do some thinking, and that maybe in the future we could get back into it. She then texted me multiple times after the meeting apologizing for disappointing me and telling me she just needed time.
Now I know girls fib to protect guys from getting hurt, but I know this girl, I read her from top to bottom and I know she would never lie to me. She’s different.
A year is a long time to be with someone when you are this young, and I still have very strong feelings for her, and I assume she does for me as well. I’d like to get into a relationship with her again sometime.
Now, I bought her an $80 necklace, before the breakup. I could take it back or I could stop by and give it to her. Tell her to do with it what she pleased.
We are still “friends”, whatever that means, so what would you do?
[ul]
[li]$80 is not a big deal to you (i.e. your life would not be appreciably improved by an extra $80).[/li][li]You are honestly giving it, with no expectations (e.g. to make her feel bad about leaving you or consider reversing her decision).[/li][li]You have a reasonable expectation that this would not be taken as a “romantic” gift, inappropriate to a non-girlfriend. Jewelery can of either way in this regard. If the gift was slinky lingerie, probably not.[/li][/ul]
Take it back for a refund.
She is totally over you.
She has a new bf.
The fact that you think she is ‘different’ doesn’t say anything about her, but it gives the entire story about you. You have been given the bum’s rush, and don’t know it. You can save your dignity and $80 bucks by taking it back, and realizing she has no feelings for you.
You will not get back together with her. Or, if you do, it will be just to keep her amused till her next new bf comes along.
She may have strong feelings for you, but they are not romantic ones.
You are being fooled by the concept of ‘ex-datemates-as-friends’. It is letting you down easy so you don’t go postal.
I wouldn’t give it to her. Now if I was the gf I would definitely take it though. Because I am a greedy witch. If she really values your feelings she won’t take it because she would be denser than a rock to think you didn’t mean anything romantic by jewelry.
I think you are giving her way too much credit. Sounds like she has found someone new, whether she has done anything about it yet isn’t the point. She has her eye on someone else and is nice enough to break up with you before she is tempted to cheat on you.
P.S. I was married to my husband when I was 22 and he was 25. She sounds like more than a late bloomer and both of your have a lot of growing up to do. Send me the necklace and I will make sure it goes to a worthy cause
I’d feel uncomfortable if someone I’d just broken up with did this. That’s just me, and granted I’m extra quick to feel uncomfortable in relationships, but I think a lot of people might feel like that.
I agree that you should save it until after Christmas just in case she gives you something or you get back together before then.
Wait until after Christmas then return it. If she gets you something, then give it to her, otherwise return it. But to be honest I’m leaning towards what others have said, she has her eye on someone else, or has already started dating someone else.
It is tough, but at least she had (if true) the courtesy to let you off easy before making a move.
Don’t give her the gift. Too many different opportunities for awkwardness and hurt feelings on either side, particularly if you have been thrown over for someone else.
If you don’t need the money, hold onto it and give it to another girl in the future. If she really does get back with you next year (not likely, but who knows) you’ve already got some shopping out of the way.
This. I think giving someone an $80 necklace right after they break up with you is just a bad idea, and carries all sorts of connotations whether you want it to or not. And I would not waste any time waiting for her to come back either.
Sorry dude. You can never be 100% certain. No one said she was already dating someone else, but that she probably has someone else lined up. If she keeps seeing you after you break up she is using you as a back up plan. I have done it, not saying I am proud of it, but I did. With my last bf before meeting my hubs. We broke up about 4 times, and the last time we broke up I keep talking to him because I still had feelings for him but was interested in another guy. I wasn’t dating either of them, but I was too insecure and immature to just let the ex go.
What he said. “We’re on a break” is crap (just see a whole bunch of episodes of the sitcom “Friends” to see why) - either you’re dating, or you’re not. You’re not dating. Don’t wait around for her, and don’t expect to get back together with her, and don’t give her the necklace - nice Christmas presents are for girlfriends, and she’s not your girlfriend.
Sorry about the breakup. It sucks, and the timing makes it worse. The best option is to return the necklace to the store Whether she has a new boyfriend or not. Consider, moving on and forgetting about her as a romantic interest.
Don’t give it to her. You clearly are not over her, and you will need to move on. Giving her the necklace is just going to be awkward for her, and make moving on harder for you.
What she is saying is fairly clear, if you choose to hear it. I would bet money that what she is saying is “I like you well enough, but I’m pretty sure I can do better. I’m going to go give it a shot, and maybe if nothing works out we can still screw around together.” Now, it could be that she really just need some time to explore, but exploring means having serious relationships with other guys, and life is too short to hang around waiting for that. GIve her the freedom to find what really floats her boat, and give yourself the respect to find a woman who is willing to go in all the way with you.
25 is not all that young. My father was married with a 2nd grader at 25. I think this is probably a good juncture for you to think critically about what your end game is. Are you looking for flings? Marriage? A nice girl to spend a few years with while you look for the right one to be with forever? It’s not uncommon for people your age to get so wrapped up with hitting those milestones that they never really think of where they are going. It’s fairer to yourself and fairer to the person you are dating to figure that stuff out enough to be able to communicate that.
