Given that all women don’t generally come from a woman-factor that issues a couple of standard models, I would venture she probably is “different” in some ways. But that doesn’t change that the relationship between these two individuals seems to have fallen apart in a pretty typical way, and will most likely continue along that path.
Exes can be “different” and special and awesome in all kinds of ways. But if they don’t want to date you, they don’t want to date you and that’s that.
Ah, young love. It’s so cute!
Here’s the deal: You don’t give a piece of jewelry to “a friend”, especially if said piece of jewelry was bought when you were more than friends. If it was a case for her iPhone, maybe. But jewelry is too closely linked to romance.
Hang onto it for a month or so if you feel you must, but don’t give it to her unless you guys actually get back together.
Send her a nice Christmas card, wishing her well. Don’t say anything in the card that indicates you want to get back together. Let it rest. The ball is in her court.
Absolutely right.
You’re probably right about the rest of it, but that’s wayyy wrong.
She gave you the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Which always means it’s you. She was trying to spare your feelings and leave you with some self respect. It’s over. Move on.
When you’re in a relationship, you just don’t have the distance to be able to see these things. You don’t quit a relationship you’re happy with. If you think about it, you know that’s right. She’s met someone and that’s put some ideas in her head. If she isn’t dating them yet, then she left you because she wants to be free to date them. That’s the reason a woman leaves you when she’s 22 years old - assuming you’re a decent guy,and I think we’ll do that for the purposes of this discussion.
If she strings you along a bit, it’s because she’s not sure the other guy is going to work out, and wants to have you as a backup. As said above, keep the jewelry and return it after Christmas, just in case she gives you something.
Sorry dude. We’ve all been there at some point.
Wanting to be with someone in some way is pretty much the definition of “strong feelings” in a broad sense. I don’t know why you’d take issue with that.
Because I’ve done it twice. You can have super strong feelings for someone you still can’t make it work with.
In the interest of confusing things - my experience: I dated a girl for two years at the end of college and then initiated a “break.” That lasted for six months, after which we got back together for another 4 years. Then I broke it off for good.
That only means you didn’t have strong enough feelings to want to keep trying to make it work.
Yeah, in other words, “finished forever.” Where did I get it wrong? If she took my advice she’d have saved herself a second heartbreak.
You are so far off here. After nearly a decade, me and this psycho still can’t get over each other. And we definitely can’t make it work.
You must have really healthy relationships to think this isn’t possible. <–not sarcasm
The part where you said people don’t break up with people for whom they have strong feelings. You contend that the fact that I broke up with her after another 4 years is that I didn’t have strong feelings for her during the time we were together?
I don’t feel like probing or dickering so I’ll take your word for it, but considering how many women will even stay with flat-out abusive partners (and the #1 cited reason in one poll is love), I wouldn’t say you’re typical.
I’m sure someone will bring up cognitive dissonance and effort justification or something; point taken in advance.
Ha, I wish. However, after enough crappy ones I think I’ve got a handle on why people choose to stay or leave.
Yes. Why didn’t you marry her?
Because my strong feelings for her faded. You think having strong feelings for someone at some point means those feelings will last forever?
No. I’m just saying once they’re gone, they’re gone.
You’re telling me your feelings faded, came back and then faded again - they just don’t sound like they were that high in the first place to me.
It seems you want to define “strong feelings” as feelings that lead permanent companionship. By that definition, I never had strong feelings for my ex-girlfriend. And people that get divorced never had strong feelings for their former spouses. I don’t accept that definition.
When did I say that divorcees never had strong feelings for each other? I said they won’t break up if they have strong feelings for each other, that’s all. If they don’t, they divorce. They may very well have had strong feelings in the past. I never said otherwise.
Nor have I ever attempted to define “strong feelings” as a permanent relationship. The desire for a permanent relationship is simply one indicator of those feelings.
Let me ask you again. Why didn’t you marry her? I know you said your feelings faded by year four, but why didn’t you want to marry her in year two? Of course, nobody knows if they’ll fall out of love two or six or twenty years down the line, but people still do it every day. Why didn’t you?
Christ, what is wrong with you people? There is so much “sorry bro, she’s already sucking another man’s D” in this thread that it seems like a huge SDMB psychological red flag.
OP, anyway, my advice would be to just go ahead and return it. If you can’t return it go ahead and give it to her in a sloppy, obviously nonromantic way. (“So I was going to give you this and I can’t use it myself so I thought you should still have it…”) You can’t save it to be a future gift. Getting a gift meant for a previous SO is icky all on its own.