Not as sweet as you think. She said the only reason she kept me was because she lost the reciept.
One of my sisters gave up a son for adoption 20 years ago. She has said that she won’t go looking for him, but she’ll make it as easy as possible for him to find her. She made sure the agency that handled the adoption has her current information and she’s already given permission for it to be released to him should he ask. I know she hopes he’ll call one day - I do too - but she has said she doesn’t want to intrude into his life.
Obviously not typical of all birth parents, but certainly a possibility to consider. I have no advice to offer, but I wish you the best of luck as you work thru this. I can’t imagine what it must be like.
I divorced my son’s biodad when he was two, and severed contact with him at 4. During those 2 years, he remarried, and his new wife was pregnant. I severed contact with him because he was a druggie, didn’t pay child support, and in general wasn’t there as a dad for Pete. I remarried, and my new husband took his responsibilities as a father very seriously. He wanted to adopt Pete, and finally we were financially able to, unfortunately only after Pete turned 18. Six months after it was finalized, my husband passed away.
We had to search to find Biodad, per the law, for him to sever parental rights. We tracked him down to his last known address, but could never find a real phone number for him. We also found out that he had been in jail two separate times. Same old guy.
Pete never wanted to meet his father. He hates him. But a month or so ago, he mentioned he had wondered about his half-sibling. So I did a google search on Biodad’s wife’s name, and found her! I called, and we commiserated about what a useless bastard Biodad was. No child support for her either. Both of us decided it was better to have him gone with no visitation than to have the money. (He would be too chicken to show up when he could get in trouble for non-payment.)
Anyway, she spoke with her daughter Brandi, who had known of Pete’s existence, and Pete and Brandi have talked several times on the phone. We plan on visiting them this summer.
Good luck in your endeavors, and may only good things come of it.
Tommyturtle, I totally understand your concerns… as you said, you’ll cross or burn that bridge when you come to it.
I’m sorry to hear that your Mom & Step-dad passed away so young.