I’ve seen episodes of “Melrose Place” that are less convoluted and dramatic than what I’m going through right now…
I am going on a cruise from NY to Nova Scotia this Thursday. Since I haven’t traveled internationally since I was in my teens, I don’t have a passport. No big deal, sez the cruise company, just bring a copy of your birth certificate with a raised seal and you’ll be fine. I made arrangements to visit my mom’s place on Long Island this past weekend in order to pick up said birth certificate.
Anyway, when I got to my mom’s house, she was at work and didn’t leave directions as to where to find the birth certificate, and I had to basically tear the house apart to find it. I eventually called my mom at work and asked her where to find this thing, and she tells me it’s in a fireproof box under her bed. I retrieve the box and find the certificate. However, I also find a couple other things…
Since Day One, my mom and dad have always told me I was adopted. In retrospect, this was probably the best way to handle it: I’ve never really entertained any “Let’s go find my birth mother” quests a la Skippy Handleman from “Family Ties.” Nor has the notion of being adopted really ever depressed me or affected me in any way.
I digress. In the fireproof box, I also found some documentation concerning my adoption. There were some documents filed with the State of New York that allowed for a birth certificate to be issued. On these papers was the name of my birth mother and her legal guardian at the time. I also found out the place of my birth. Strangely enough, there was no mention of my birth father on the documentation, save for a brief line about his consent not being needed because of an attached affidavit (that wasn’t attached to this particular copy).
In my 28 years of existence, I’ve never known fact one about my birth parents. As far as I was concerned, prior to my experience yesterday, these people have never had names. Now I’ve got a name and a location to start searching, if I want to.
I’ve never really entertained the idea of searching for my birth mother. I’ve never really had a need to. At this point in my life, though, there are some questions I’d like to have answered with regard to genetic predisposition to certain diseases. I’d like to know if there’s any history of cancer in my genetic family. I’d also like to know if there is a history of obesity (I’ve been overweight since I was a kid.) Also, there are some silly things I’d like to know, like whether or not my maternal grandfather was bald (I’m starting to lose hair and I’d like to know whether I should go for Rogaine, etc.) I’ve just started an extensive exercise program and I can’t provide answers to my personal trainer about family histories, and it’s kind of annoying.
Here’s the real problem. My mother (the one who raised me) is going through a tough period. She and my dad are divorcing after 35 years of marriage. I’m worried that opening this 28-year-old can of worms now would probably be a bad thing for her.
Is anyone on the SDMB adopted? If so, did you ever locate your birth parents? Can such a search be done on the q.t., or will it require my family’s assistance? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.
Also, one more thing… I can’t enlist the help of the lawyer who took care of the adoption. He is a family friend and my godfather, and he would tell my mom as soon as I made an inquiry.
Thanks.