Waiting for the god of love
Eros
In the fullness of time to
Nicely
Enter her rock hard heart for
Respite
Weiner?
This is creepy as hell, and completely inappropriate. A teacher is not there to stroke your ego because you feel so lonely that the only interaction you have with women is taking a class from a female teacher. A teacher’s job is to…teach. If teaching you includes complimenting your performance in the class, or something else, great. But you are using this woman to fulfill some need in you that is not her responsibility.
As a female teacher, I am telling you that this is unacceptable behavior.
Dude, stop. I get what you’re saying. I really do. I have a tendency to fixate and get end-of-the-world crushes. Do you know how many I’ve had? At least three. And it took me until the third one to really figure out the anxiety on a non-emotional level. Do you know what that tells both of us? There are other great people who are all amazing in their own way. No, nobody else is her, but there are other great people, just great in a different way.
I’m not going to berate you for feeling this way, but your job isn’t to stop feeling how you feel, it’s to get that emotional shit locked the fuck down. Realizing it intellectually isn’t the same as realizing it emotionally. When I get really bad crushes I still get very shaken up emotionally, but I also realize that I’m being silly. This means I have to take care to control myself and not do anything weird or stalkery or unintentionally manipulative. Yes, it’s hard, it bites, and it can be hard to shut down those fantasies and to talk yourself out of your magnificent plan to confess your feelings, but it’s the right thing to do. Each case is different, but in this case it means removing yourself from the situation. Do not take a class with her. Do not talk to her. Do not try to be friends. The feelings for her will pass, I promise.
If I show her this thread and the medications (which my psychiatrist will most likely give me), this will probably be amusing to her.
She will not feel uncomfortable; she will only feel amused, I guess. What do you think about that? Only amusement. No negative feelings. Will that be appropriate? Will that cause uncomfortableness on her?
I don’t mean this indelicately, but honestly? If I were your teacher, I’d get a restraining order. Someone who seems this impervious to reason, while being that persistent, would scare the living hell out of me.
For the love of all that is good and holy, do not show her this thread. Seriously. Please, show this thread to a trusted friend, family member, etc. and ask them if it would be a good idea to show them this thread. If they say “yes,” then they don’t really care about you.
Honestly, that will not end well for you. I’m saying this as one human being to another (all previous snark / comments aside), don’t do it.
You’re completely wrong about her reaction. You really don’t understand women. You have no idea.
NO! Good god, not only will she NOT be amused, but she will be creeped out beyond belief. You have no idea how you are coming across to people. If I were her, and you showed me this thread, I’d be terrified you’d turn stalker on me.
You said you’ve been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have OCD myself – and you sound completely obsessed with this woman.
I think his showing her this thread is a fine idea. Really. Then she’ll finally decide to get that court injunction against him that she’s probably been thinking about anyway, and that will hopefully be the end of it.
I imagine that if she reads this sentence you’ll be out of her life, and perhaps out of the country, soon enough.
Please, do. Show her this thread. The information about your thought process on this thread is valuable. It will give her the evidence that she needs to have her administration throw you out of her school. In addition, it will provide her the evidence that she needs to finalize the paperwork for her request for an injunction/restraining order (whichever is appropriate for her jurisdiction).
Of course, you’re probably having a good guffaw at the earnestness of the responses.
I am grateful that you are answering me and giving extremely wise and intelligent answers. I am not laughing at your serious posts. I appreciate them. I love them. I take them very seriously. They will be part of me, forever.
In my humble opinion:
She is kind of a person who tries to support the weak. Since I had a speech impediment, since I was socially awkward, since I was Computer Science studying nerd introvert, since I was the needy creepy guy who will not give up trying a woman, since I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, therefore I was the weak. Humans instinctively despise weaker people. On an intellectual level, humans may think that the weak people are just as useful as anyone else, but on the instinctive level, we homo sapiens are still hunter-gatherers, and anyone weaker than us is either liability or prey. We’re basically tribal creatures, and a weak member of the tribe is both beneath you in the tribal hierarchy, and less useful to the tribe as a whole. Of course you despise me. Of course you set your dogs on me. Of course she would reject me.
But she was interestingly supporting the weak (which is me, in this case). Good. OK. Are you afraid that she might stop supporting the weak if I admit I had a crush on her? I would have introduced an interesting moral ambiguity to her. Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established the order. I would be the agent of chaos. Chaos is fair. There will not be the weak and the strong in chaos, maybe, just maybe. The world is cruel. And the only morality in a cruel world is chaos.
I have made my decision. I will DEFINITELY leave her alone. If I happen to be in her class, I will change my class, because you told me that I had to leave her alone. I will never ever talk to her. But what if she tries to talk with me? In that case, I will tell her that I better not talk to her because StraightDope members told me not to do so. I will show her this thread and I will apologize.
What do you think?
I love guys. You are very wise. I have learnt a lot from you. Is there any way I can donate to you?*
I personally think that I’m very grateful that you aren’t one of my students. I also think, assuming you aren’t playing with us, that you might want to see your doctor/therapist on a more regular basis. Truly.
Until that last post, I was on the fence. There’s a lot of really socially inept and lonely people out there who can’t seem to take “no” for an answer. But all that about loving us, paying us, etc., all after leaving the thread be for extended bits of time, like they’re truly coming up with the next most outrageous thing to say? Not for real. Someone is having a humongous laugh at our expense for having wasted so much time and effort.
I’m a putz for having participated for this long. However, shame me once and all that. So, I’m outta here and only to greener pastures.
It’s still not too late to send her HD foaming beef close-ups .
Nonsense. Humans instinctually protect the weak members of their own. Otherwise, those hunter-gatherers you mention would have thrown all of the babies into the fire.
As a female teacher who once had a student in class who behaved in a manner very similar to yours: she will not be amused. In my case, the student ended up being sectioned. (ETA - not because of flirty overtures towards me although his manner towards me and his classmates rapidly become unacceptabl and overly familiar; there were other factors involved in his commital).
When he returned to campus he continued not only to stalk me but several girls who had been in the class.
My response to him suddenly showing up to my nightclass to tell me about his stint with his psychiatrists, his time in care, and his new course of meds did not amuse me. It prompted me to get security to escort him from the building – that time, and the subsequent times he showed up (it was a night class, as well), until he was barred from campus.
So, no, your teacher will not be amused.
As other teachers in this thread have said, your teacher spoke kindly with you, joked with you, and otherwise encouraged you to help you feel confident about your lessons. I am positive and encouraging towards my students so that they do well. I don’t really think about them at all outside of class, and I certainly don’t think about them socially. Down that road lies only trouble if not madness.
I could give you my bank-account details.
If she is the teacher we can probably assume she is 18 or over. No law against moving into a relationship with a teacher, not like a supreior officer in the military.