Sounds like she’s a grownup.
She mentioned your hobbies ? She was pointing out you act as an introvert… She was explaining to you that she why she was being nice to you. … She has detected your introverted nature and is just being supportive.
How much does she weigh ? A layer of fat keeps the skin looking younger. and you would subconsciously treat a slightly overweight person as “healthy”.
Just guessing cause the stereo type of german is rich and fat… Maybe what makes you attracted to her… her husband will the size of an elephant and 15 years older than her… but not yet impotent due to age obesity so don’t kid yourself. I think you just downplay the age difference… … Europeans talk more about other people… further stereotyping I know, but they try to care more about others…
You don’t know how to make small talk and think you are a match ?
Its just general small talk, people just do that …
Go ahead and ask her what she does for a social life… How about hint at it by asking About the german scene is in your area… Are there many in your area (town, suburb,etc) … why they are there ? Any German businesses ? Just ask questions about what she does or knows… where do you buy food here ? what sort of food ? that sort of thing.
You will find out what she knows… "My husband is an engineer /doctor/business executive … we don’t know any locals - we often go snow skiing in the Rockies, and Canada in winter, and boating on the bayou and to beaches in the Keys in summer with his work colleagues "… Or whatever.
You will find out you are wrong.
You had some good ideas, just not completing the plan properly. The plan is to get invited to a hike/boat trip/ski trip ,and hopefully some students or her or a friend of her’s daughter or something. When you do, there are objective signs of sexual interest … cheeks blushing, red lips , has to fiddle with her nose,ear,boobs …
Wow!! Thanks for shedding light on my ignorance. That’s certainly a very progressive stance they take. Is that common among all universities in the UK?
But yeah, it’s a cultural thing. That sort o thing doesn’t fly over here in the USA.
The OP doesn’t say where he is from, but if he is from Pennsylvania, if the teacher is an employee of or volunteer at the same school where he is registered, then it is a criminal offense regardless of the student’s age and regardless of whether she is giving the lessons in her capacity as an employee or on her own time.
It is not unreasonable to suspect the same may be true elsewhere.
Ah! this seems like one of those occasions where cultural differences are massively important.
**Shakes **, yes it is not unknown for such relationships to develop within UK universities. I think the guidelines I linked to are fairly standard.
The USA approach does seem very draconian to me but it changes how one should approach the situation. It is one thing to be on the end of a raised eyebrow, another thing entirely to get fired.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say that yes, you should tell her. You only live once, and you won’t have lost anything by trying - you only stand to lose if you don’t! Look, if a woman is being overly nice, smiling a lot, giving you attention, it could very well mean she’s interested. She’s probably fighting these feelings because of the professional relationship she has with you, so you might have to keep trying.
Good luck and keep us updated!
I sort of suspect that law is meant to apply to high schools, not colleges. Not a lawyer or a Pennsylvania resident so take that with a grain of salt.
At my previous university (and probably at my current one) it was forbidden for a teacher to date a student that they currently have professional oversight for. it certainly wasn’t criminal in the state, but you would lose your job for it.
Of course, in this economy, losing your job is rather a big deal.
Perhaps it was meant to apply to high schools, but the way the legislature worded it, it applies to colleges, too.
" She looks at me with a smile, and for example, a week ago she said to me “you have nice hobbies” when I was talking with some other students."
This is why you think she likes you? Teachers smile at everyone. And make encouraging comments.
You don’t need to tell her. She already knows you have a crush on her. I did and thought it was amusing and flattering, but made sure to not lead him on but also to not hurt his young feelings at the same time. A tight rope to walk, especially when you are a young teacher.
But you are twenty one so listen to your last statement of self analysis.
Actually, the definition of school in the law explicitly includes vo-techs but seems to exclude colleges and universities.
Drop out of her class and then see if she happens to show up at one of your hobby events. BTW, what are your hobbies? Stamp collecting? Sky diving? Body surfing?
Have you seen “the Graduate”? If not it’s worth a watch.
Finish the class. If this is a course that is part of an ongoing school experience (where this teacher would potentially be your teacher once again later on down the pike), finish your degree.
Then make your overture (once, in a non-creepy manner) if you still feel that way about her.
This situation sounds very familiar. No kidding, but back in Texas, as an undergraduate, I took a lot of German classes. The first and second years were mostly taught by teaching assistants, and some were pretty cute. I was slightly older than most of the class, about the same age or even older than the TAs. And I swear this one was coming onto me. I never pursued it due to being just too busy … and she ended up marrying another student in the class! Really.
Anyway, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask her out sometime after the classes end. She won’t be your teacher forever, and you don’t have to bare your soul just to ask her out. But maybe don’t do it while she’s your teacher.
I have never actually studied German, but I have a bit of the language and have known folks from that part of the world, so I like to think I’ve a bit of a handle on the social mannerisms of Teutonic peoples. (I’m assuming the lady in question is German.)
It seems to me that in that culture, one naturally tends to be more formal and reserved than we do over here in such things as teacher/student relationships. Yet they also have a reputation for directness and frankness, and less anxiety about matters sexual.
In that context - and I don’t want to lead OP on one bit here - I would suspect that if a German woman wished to express her attraction, it would be fairly obvious.
She’s too nice to you? Because she smiled at you and told you that you have nice hobbies? Hell, man, does every other person in your life spit in your hair when they pass by? Smiling at you and telling you that you have nice hobbies is polite behavior. It is not an indication of interest.
Not necessarily. The TA in my example was a native Texan. In fact, most of the TAs were from the state. There were a handful of Germans, but they usually taught the upper-level courses.
There are Texas Germans of course (since the 1840s!), but I’m guessing they’re much more Texan than German by now.
Yes, I know there are Texas Germans. But believe me, these TAs were Texans. A little more progressive than the average Texan on the whole though.
So you’re saying no he should not be a single male. I agree.
Ask her out. She could be the love of your life and the mother of your children.
nope … keep it professional