I have been with this new company for a year now, and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 2.5 years with no success. I’m doing a few rounds of fertility medication for now, but also found out last week that we have been accepted into a fertility clinic a few hours away (I’m in Calgary, the clinic is in Edmonton). Typically, I would be going to the clinic here, and am on the wait list for a consultation early next year, but we were lucky enough to get into another clinic much earlier. The circumstances surrounding our acceptance into this clinic are kind of a long story, but the main point is that our first appointment is September 16.
I am not sure if we will be attempting IUI first, or going right to IVF, but either way, I’ll need a few days every month to take the trip up there and do what we have to do until I get knocked up.
My boss has given me very mixed messages in the last year about this (though I know it’s illegal for him to do so). In the beginning, he made some joke about how I’d better not be planning on getting pregnant any time soon (we were discuss a coworker in my group who got pregnant and her boss was using it as an excuse to get rid of her position - budget cuts, etc.), but then a few months ago he said something to me about how I shouldn’t wait, family comes first, don’t focus on my career and put it off (his advice based on his experience - he’s going through a divorce, trouble with kids, all because he’s very career focused, blah, blah).
I guess the question is, should I tell him what’s going on so he’s prepared and also knows why I need this time off, or should I shut my mouth until I’m pregnant and find excuses for my time away?
Before reading the post, my reaction was “hell, no.” After reading the post, my reaction is “HELL, NO!” I wouldn’t tell my friends, I wouldn’t tell the friendliest boss ever, so I definitely wouldn’t tell a boss who’s both giving you mixed messages and ambling into something which is no business of his in the first place.
I’m sure you will get more-detailed posts from other people, but well, in case I didn’t make it clear enough, my vote is
I completely disagree. I would absolutely tell him. Otherwise you’ve got a lot of missed time to magically account for. I would hope that he would be completely understanding and supportive. If not, then you’ve got a very, very bad boss.
No, I wouldn’t. It’s none of their business - plus, when you start telling people you’re trying to get pregnant, that’s ALL they think about when they look at you. They ask you if you are yet, and every time you sneeze it’ll be “maybe you’re pregnant!” He’ll have plenty of time to prepare when you do get pregnant, especially if you plan to work until the end.
Assuming you’re taking vacation time for your appointments, there’s no reason they need to know what you’re doing with your time off.
If you mention it, then you may find yourself suddenly out of work on some pretext and put in a position of having to sue for sex discrimination. Also, it’s none of his business. You need time for some private medical problems. Period.
I have weddings this September and October, two of which are destination weddings. One is my sister’s, the other is my sister-in-law, so it’s not like I can skip them. These two trips will take up all of my vacation time, so no, I will not be using vacation time for these appointments.
Should I lie and say I have a medical issue? I sort of did so when I had a related surgery in April - I just sort of insinuated it was a gynecological issue and left it at that, so I got sick time for it. They’ll probably think I have cancer, tbh.
You do not have any legal obligation to tell your boss. So it depends on whether you feel it would help or possibly hinder your working relationship with him. From your post, I would probably lean to the side of not telling. If he finds out later and asks why you didn’t telll him, just let him know it is very personal between you and your husband.
I wouldn’t tell him. I would ask for the time off by simply saying you have a doctor’s appointment and leave it at that. If he presses, I would just say it’s a minor health issue and will be resolved shortly.
May I simply say: bull plop. People take time off work every day across America. You don’t have to say why.
You can also tell a little white lie: how many people call in “sick” with “a stomach bug” because it sounds way better than “I drank way too much tequila last night” to your friggin’ boss?!? Say you’re taking time off because you’re renovating the kitchen and need to supervise the contractors if you have to. (Everyone has a good idiot-contractor story and will sympathize.)
I wouldn’t even call it a lie, you DO have a medical issue. Just b/c it’s not something that’s going to kill you doesn’t mean it isn’t something medical that needs to be taken care of.
Yeah, you never want to actually tell your boss the truth lest you reveal yourself as a human being. You should always lie and avert the real truth at all costs. Then, when he finds out you’re pregnant, and then finds out the reason for all the time off, you can tell him you lied to him all along because you didn’t trust him with the truth.
Good plan.
ETA: What kind of fuckwads do you people work for?
Add me to the chorus of “hell no”'s. We didn’t tell anyone, including my best friend and my family, that we were trying to conceive, much less anyone at work, much less an annoying boss. All the reasons given above.
I don’t think it’s lying to say you have a medical issue/medical procedure scheduled and ask for sick time. In the US, if I understand correctly, medical insurance will sometimes pay for (some) fertility attempts – so it is, in fact, perceived as a medical issue. I would personally not even think twice about finding out later that someone working for me had taken sick time for fertility treatment. (Though YMMV.)
(Although I am a little worried about your using all your vacation and sick time before you get pregnant – I ended up using some vacation time for morning sickness and near the end of the pregnancy when I was getting pretty tired – but that is a separate issue.)
This would not be considered sick time. It would fall under vacation, which she already says she has allotted to two different weddings coming up.
To the OP: you should verify that visiting a doctor for fertility treatments qualifies as “sick time” under your company’s policy. In the US, fertility treatments typically are not covered under medical insurance, and many company “sick time” policies only cover time away for illnesses or treatment by a doctor for items that would be covered under a medical insurance, not necessarily elective procedures.
Saying you have a medical issue isn’t a lie. Going to see a doctor? Then you have a medical issue. What kind of medical issue is it? Sorry, I’d rather keep that private.
Leaffan, I actually have the world’s most supportive boss/work environment (when I did tell them I was pregnant, which I did as soon as we got the ultrasound and found it was healthy, they immediately were happy to make arrangements for me, give me time off, welcome me back with reduced hours, with no problems at all), but I still don’t feel the need to trumpet my private issues everywhere, because I know people who have taken YEARS to conceive, and if I had told them (or my parents, or my friends) I was trying and nothing happened, I would both feel stupid/stressed and feel like I had lied to them anyway (in the sense that I had implied I’d be pregnant when I really wasn’t) and leave myself open to comments about impending pregnancy that would just stress me further.
Sure, but why even do this? Don’t most people appreciate honesty and openness? What kind of an Ebeneezer boss would give anyone a hard time about trying to have a family. Holy shit.
I would say no, except for the fact that you want to keep taking time off from the job to go do this. That makes it his business. If you’re going to keep splitting on the job for days at a time, you need to tell them why (and I’m sorry, but hiding behind something like “medical issues” is weaselly. It’s not like they aren’t going to figure it out eventually anyway, and then you’ll just look sneaky).
If you have insurance through the company, regular disappearances for “medical issues” is also going to be a concern. You can’t expect to take that much time off from work and keep the reasons covered up. I think you have to be honest.
I wouldn’t tell anybody for the simple fact that a large percentage of first pregnancies miscarry in the first 10 weeks. I went through a miscarriage once (as the husband) AFTER we’d already told everyone our good news and having to tell every single person that asked “How’s the baby?” over and over again (because news doesn’t always travel as wella as you’d expect it to) about the miscarriage was nearly as painful as the event itself.
Don’t tell anyone you don’t need to until you’re sure it sticks. This has nothing to do with who your boss is or your work situation, just general advice from someone who’s been there.
“Boss, I’m taking Wednesday off for a personal appointment.”
What you do with your personal life is none of your boss’s business. If it’s having a negative impact on your productivity, only that part is his business, and you can work out some sort of arrangement so it doesn’t. If it’s not, there’s nothing about it that he should be concerning himself with. He owns your work product, but he doesn’t own you.