I would go out on a limb and say that yeah, she’s better off with the boss thinking it’s some vague gynecological thing, that he probably wouldn’t ask about if you paid him, then be told directly that her main objective is to get pregnant, take maternity leave, and then … ? Especially since, if he’s never been through the same thing in his family, he may well assume that the pregnancy → maternity leave → ??? is 99% certain and will be underway by New Years.
OK. I’ll admit my strategy is different from the majority on this one.
Good luck to the OP.
I, personally, don’t think TTC is any different than any other medical condition.
Your boss has a right to know that your time away from the office during working hours is legitimately for medical reasons.
Your boss has a right to know if you have a condition which will impact your work in some way (unable to lift heavy objects, unable to do night shifts, unable to fly or drive, requiring meals at set times-whatever).
Your boss does NOT have a right to know confidential details of your medical history.
Any of my patients requesting proof of where they were for their work get the same pro-forma letters.
“Such and Such attended this hospital on this date from this time until this time for an appointment”.
or
“Such and Such was an inpatient at this hospital and receiving treatment from this date until this date. They will be fit to return to work in approximately X days with the following caveats…”
I’m pretty sure many of my HIV patients’ bosses were unaware of their condition, likewise I don’t think many of my patients who had miscarriages or terminations were entirely honest with their work. A lot of people undergoing investigation for possible cancer don’t tell their work until they have a firm diagnosis and treatment plan in place.
As far as your boss is concerned you have a non life-threatening medical condition which requires ongoing treatment and evaluation by specialists and you will let him know if it develops into a situation which will impact your ability to carry out the normal functions of your particular job.
She may well be able to do those ultrasounds locally and not miss any work–many clinics are used to working this way with out of town patients.
If your company has an HR department, you should make an appointment to discuss your situation with them, prefacing the meeting by saying that you expect your medical issues to be kept confidential.
My first priority would be to find out is if this procedure is eligible to be covered under sick time. If it is, then you only need to divulge the minimum details (including how often and how long you’ll be gone) to your boss with the note that it’s HR approved. If it isn’t covered, then if you want to keep your job you might have to use your vacation time.
No matter what route you take, you might want to discuss with your boss some alternate arrangement for the weeks you’ll be out, such as working late a few hours each day or working from home to minimize the impact of your absence A lot of places call this “comp time” and it can be an ideal solution for these type of situations. You really do need to show the boss that you take your job seriously because if push comes to shove, people who keep taking off are the first ones on the axe list.
Good luck to you!!
Just to chime in a quick reply to explain how I handled this situation last year (I’m in the UK, so I’m not sure if this helps)…I lied. Sorta.
In the run up to the retrieval and transfer I let my line manager know that I might be in and out the office a little for medical appointments. I was lucky, and I worked flexi time and my appointments were not too frequent. I could get my early morning appts for bloods done, and be in the office without having to explain an absence. Although I did IVF, my clinic did not seem to need me to have that many appointments.
When it came to the week where I knew I would need to take time off for retrieval and transfer (3 days apart), I took the whole week off as medical leave as I wasn’t sure which specific days would be needed in advance. Here in Scotland, you can self certify up to 5 days of sick leave (ie you don’t need a doctor to write you a sick line). I didn’t do any bed rest, so went back to work the next monday. As far as they knew, I was off for a couple of minor medical procedures. It was kinda awkward trying to explain to my boss that I needed time off for these procedures, but that I couldn’t tell him the exact days until nearer the time. In the end, it was easier to just take the whole week. Besides, for a couple of those ‘non procedure’ days, I was either uncomfortable from my swollen ovary (I only have one, or that would be plural), or I was recovering from all the poking and prodding.
Once I was pregnant, I had to let my line manager know relatively early because I was feeling so sick. I also told him about the IVF at this point, and the reason for my 5 days of absence, and he was cool with it.
I would be really wary of telling anyone anything, personally. It’s pretty stressful to go through IVF, and the last thing you need is to be worrying about how your boss is going to be taking it. And besides, I figure that other people don’t have to announce that they are going to go home, share a bottle of wine, and bang their wife, so why do we have to let people know we are trying to get knocked up…
For all that people whine about it, infertility is a legitimate medical issue, that requires treatment to rectify. If it weren’t, then the NHS wouldn’t fund treatment for it. Which they do. Hell, I paid for IVF myself, so I saved the NHS thousands of pounds. And since I work for the NHS, I figure they owed me a little for that.
Good luck with the treatment. You have my heartfelt best wishes that it works out for you 
I’m so lucky - I tell my boss if I need time off for medical or personal reasons and he says “OK.” He doesn’t want or need details. And it’s none of his business. If it became a matter of my job not getting done, we’d talk about how to work that out, but it wouldn’t involve sharing personal details, nor should it. I’m confident that he doesn’t want to know that my doctor’s appointment is for a mammogram or a colonoscopy or a tummy tuck. He wants to know when I’ll be gone and if accommodations need to be made.
I’m 56, so the OP’s situation would never apply to me, but if I was younger and undergoing IVF or whatever, I still don’t consider it to be my boss’ business. I swear, I wish more people would keep certain aspects of their personal lives personal.
I was fired for being pregnant, got hired at a new job by someone who didn’t realize I was pregnant and then found out they complained to my supervisor ‘I wouldn’t have hired her if I’d known she was pregnant.’
I know countless women who tell similar stories.
I gotta vote don’t tell.
The reality is, women are penalized in the workforce for having babies, and this guy has already made it clear he punishes women for getting pregnant. Why give him ammo?
I second the suggestion to consult an attorney just in case. Maybe nothing will happen, but better safe than sorry.
When we went through our process (infertility, adoption, and then pregnancy), I was pretty open with my employers. I had a lot of strange absences, days in late, etc. I told them for two reasons.
- If I didn’t explain my “stroll in at 10ams,” I’d have gotten fired.
- Although I could have just said “medical treatments,” my bosses would have been concerned that I had a serious health issue (infertility is a serious health issue, but you know what I mean).
Later, when we went through adoption, kept them informed similarly.
I’ve always tried to frame these sorts of conversations for their benefit (“I’m going to be out, I’ll try and keep it as non-disruptive as possible, I’ll be available on my cell.”)
I got promoted twice during this time.
You know your boss and therefore only you can make the decision on honesty. I’ve worked for guys who do penalize women for getting pregnant - it which case in addition to fertility, I’d be working on getting another job because ear infections and colds aren’t going to go over with your boss either. But there are bosses out there that are understanding about such things.
Laws and company policies are going to determine whether this is or isn’t considered a medical issue, something you can take sick leave for, or something you are entitled to unpaid leave for. Learn the facts as they relate to your situation and don’t listen to any of our opinions on here about that. Canadian law, maybe provincial or city ordinances, and company policy.
The plans to use all your vacation time for travel and take time off work for these treatments could be problematic. Something to think about is that claiming sick time if it’s not eligible by law or policy is something people get in trouble/ fired for. In the US some infertility-related treatment is covered by FMLA (our law that entitles to unpaid leave for serious health conditions) and some is not. So it would literally come down to *some *appointments being something you are entitled to take vacation, sick or unpaid time for, and *other *appointments being something that the employer could deny the time off for and discipline/fire you if you didn’t show up for work. Your Kilometrage May Vary.
There is a fairly well-established unwritten rule that it is not a good idea to mention a pregnancy in the workplace until the third trimester is complete. OTOH, it is also considered good form not to wait too much longer than that before telling your boss.
Many employers actually would prefer not to know your personal business, because if you need to be disciplined, let go, transferred to Nunavut, or whatever for completely unrelated reasons, that creates a legal exposure for them. Individual managers may think they’re being clever when they fire a woman for being pregnant, but the company as a whole winds up fighting the lawsuit and is typically not amused. Lawsuits cost even if you win them.
Do you mean the end of the first trimester? Because by the end of the third, they’ll probably figure out what’s going on, unless you usually walk around looking like you’ve swallowed a basketball.
Um…HR is not your friend. They exist to protect the company, not the employee,
FYI. Going to HR is not much different from going straight to the boss with your business, imo.
Quick update - we don’t have to worry about telling my boss anymore because we found out we’re pregnant! Took two and a half years, but something finally worked! Please pray for a sticky one.
Congrats and best wishes for an easy and successful pregnancy!
Yay!! This is awesome news!
Whohooooo! Congrats!
Congratulations!!!
Woo Hoo!