A guy I used to work with is now in prison. He and I weren’t close friends, but we got along OK. I haven’t seen him in years, having moved out of that business. But I have no doubt he remembers me. He was convicted of a non-violent crime, and is definitely guilty.
I live not too far from where he is incarcerated, and I have the time if I felt like going to see him. I hesitate because we weren’t close, yet I hate the thought of him sitting in jail. I don’t think he has much family left, so I thought maybe a visit from just about anyone he knows might be a good thing for him.
Not enough info. What kind of non-violent crime? How long has he been in? When is he getting out?
If he’s getting out before too long, do you want him showing up on your doorstep? Do you want him telling others about the mark he knows, a soft-hearted fool who visits people he hardly knows in prison? Think about this carefully.
I have a childhood friend that was convicted of a brutal murder and was up for the death penalty but he didn’t get it. I posted enough about his story to cause one of his other former friends to join the SDMB when he found it through Google and PM me here. He gave me some new perspectives on what happened and opened the possibility that all the claims weren’t true although they might be. Apparently my former friend is a model prisoner who gets to work in the state capitol during the day and go back to prison at night for life. He was caught up some very bad circumstances (that were admittedly under his control) early in life but I don’t think he is a horrible monster. I have planned on writing him or sending him a present on the approved list for a while and I haven’t done it yet. I would like to live close enough to visit at least once. He isn’t ever getting out despite still being young and that must feel terrible.
I would make some contact if you have some desire to. It is a nice and genuine thing to do and you might even get something out of it in the form of a learning experience or a story you can share with others. I have known an unusual amount a serious felons in my life they were not horrible monsters the vast majority of the time and shouldn’t always be treated like it. It is fine that they are locked up because of the potential damage they can do but they are still just people most of the time.
Personally, I have heard too many stories from people I know who have friends NOT in prison that destroy their own lives, the proceed to try and destoy theirs when they lend a helping hand, so I say “no” do not invite the drama into your life. If this guy is in jail and is definitely guilty, then in my opinion, he has flexible morals. When he gets out, he won’t be able to get a job in this economy, and won’t have any friends except you, so naturally he’ll contact you. Then he’ll tell you about how tough life is, and can he just stay with you a week until he gets back on his feet? Flash forward to three months later when you throw him out on his ass and he gets angry at you and repays your kindness by breaking into the house and stealing your stuff while you are at work.
If you don’t want to risk future contact, maybe see if you can make an anonymous contribution to his canteen/commissary/whatever-they-call-it account. It’s like a mini-store in the prison where he can buy a few minor luxuries…a soft drink, candy bar, something to make his life suck just a bit less would be appreciated.
So the State of Louisiana is allowing a convicted murderer, who KNOWS he will never, ever possibly be released from prison, to head on out to Baton Rouge everyday for work, then brings him home to hell (I imagine that prison in Louisiana is as close to Hell On Earth as anyplace in the USA) each night, eh?
I didn’t know it either but I can forward you the PM if you are skeptical. It sounds legit to me. His earlier hotel to hell was Angola so he must be extra special good now.
I can’t disagree with any of the above, it probably will be true, but the guy wants to do something nice.
The OP doesn’t have to give this guy his address or phone number or anything. He said, he feels bad. If this guy gets out and wants help, tell him, “No, sorry I’d like to but I’m in no position to help you.”
Last year I was involved with a group of ex-prisoners and they all respected my boundaries and none ever has asked me for help or anything.
I’m not saying this will be the case with the OP, but you can visit and as long as you take the appropriate steps and don’t get too involved it doesn’t mean bad things. Caution is the key here.
I know nothing about your friend, but to be frank what would generally stop me from doing this unless i really liked the person (or they were special to me, family etc.) is the number of stories i have heard about people in prison biting the hand that helps them in terms of wheedling or manipulating those who express an interest in their welfare.
People in prison are often desperate for resources and if you show up you become a de facto resource to help them. I’m not sure I would want to take that on.
Having said this I don’t have any any friends or family in prison, and have never visited anyone in prison so my opinions are purely hypothetical.
