Should I Warn Landlord about Unstable/Malicious New Tenant?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Eighteen months ago, I made the mistake of agreeing to share a San Francisco apartment with someone I just met (he was touring the unit with the real estate agent at the same time as me). He seemed quiet and unproblematic and had a good job/went to a top school (MIT) and I did made a point of having coffee with him with my partner and we both neglected to see any obvious warning signs (he also offered to pay a high rent for a small relatively undesirable bedroom).

**tldr: **It turns out he’s severely mentally ill, also very malicious and now planning to move into a new unit in the same building and likely end up torturing another roommate for a year.

For the first 8 months or so, things were fine. He was definitely weird (doesn’t bath/shower ever, just occasionally uses the apartment’s hottub, doesn’t use the kitchen at all ever, just orders delivery food and eats only in his room, doesn’t even use the living room, just comes in the house and goes in his room and shuts the door) but not overly problematic. I did meet his sister at one point who puled me aside and asked me to take down her number in case ‘anything was ever wrong’ with her brother

Then, one day, I came home and he was having a “psychotic break” or specifically what I would later learn was a “bipolar episode”. He was walking around the house talking to himself about nonsensical things, occasionally adjusting items in the house for no logical reason etc. He stayed up all night, played loud music on repeat at inappropropriate times and was clearly out of his element. At some point, I notified his sister about the bizarre behavior because I had no idea what was going on. She said he had a condition but didn’t specify much other than to assure me he wasn’t dangerous.

Days later, he finally calmed down and even apologized for his behavior and explained he was bi-polar. Unfortunately, weeks later he had another more severe episode, this one continued longer and even included purposely placing a sharp object on the floor in front of my door. I notified his sister again (she asked me to do so) which resulted in his father coming to monitor him for a day and eventually at the end of a day of baby-sitting him the father decided to call an ambulance and that resulted in him being placed on a 72 hour psychiatric hold. Apparently they had done this many times before.

Ever since that day, he’s hated my guts. He has been hostile, verbally abusive and extremely malicious (attempting to end any romantic relationships I have for no real reason other than he doesn’t like me). Due to the cost of the apartment and the lack of housing in my city (and lease obligation) it wasn’t practical to get out of the lease early, all I could do was avoid him as best I could, place a security camera inside my room to feel safe and mind my own business otherwise.

Now that we’re both moving out, he has decided to rent another unit in the building, and is now advertising for a new roommate. Because I’ve lived in the building for a while, I have the contact info for the condo owners of the unit he will be renting from. I am contemplating sending them a short concise warning about the man and to request that they notify any potential extra tenants (his new roommate) about the situation before renting to them. I want to do what I can to prevent the extremely unpleasant situation that happened to me from needlessly happening to another person. ** I think it’s unfair that the man does not disclose his medical condition to potential roommates despite the high likelihood that it will have a major impact on their lives.** The fact that he also tends to be malicious (there are plenty of perfectly nice people who suffer from bi-polar disorder) definitely makes things worse.

Does my thinking seem unreasonable to you? What do you think I should/shouldn’t do here?

2

Completely unreasonable on your part. And stalker-ish. Are you going to follow him around the city, warning anyone he might rent from/with? He’d have cause to sue you, and might well become even more vindictive toward you. And it’s not a landlord’s job to warn off someone’s future roommate.

3

I would definitely warn the landlord … what if he does end up getting violent next time? If I were the landlord I would definitely want to know!

4

On your description, the man is an asshole. It is completely ok to warn people that you have shared with him and think that he is an asshole.

The hard fact is, I probably wouldn’t add that he is bi-polar. I’ve given an opinion, a landlord can take it or leave it: I don’t have to justify my opinion to them.

Some people are scared of schizophrenic people: I think that’s a bit unfair. I’ve lived with several schizophrenic people, and worked with others. Only one was much of a problem, and that was because he was both psychotic and didn’t keep his kitchen clean. I’m adopting the same attitude to your guy because I’ve never personally known anybody that was manic.

5

You might be violating his civil rights under the Americans with Disabilities act. He has a right to housing.

He could feel the negative emotions you radiate and might have decided the best policy is to avoid you. I assume he is employed in a very good job to be able to afford to live in SF and eat out often. Obviously this situation hasnt worked out for either of you. It would be best imo to let it go and just be happy your nightmare is over.

6

I would inform the landlord of specific events/behaviors that you witnessed. IOW report what you said here:

My 2 cents. I’ve been a landlord, and I’d want to know.

7

Not even slightly unreasonable, IMHO. If you can spare someone else the torment you went through and you’re willing to, by all means go for it.

8

I’d warn them, but only mention specific conduct without speaking about the underlying reason. You’re not a doctor, and you don’t really “know” that he is bipolar. You only know that they claimed he was…
Leave his medical history out of the conversation and just mention things like leaving the knife at your door.

9

He may well be bipolar but most of the weird shit you describe is not typical of someone who has bipolar disorder. FWIW
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10

If people ask for your opinion regarding him, tell them. If they don’t ask, don’t volunteer information.

11

The thing is, it seems the best you can do is notify the specific condo owners so they don’t rent to him. There’s no way to prevent him from living with roommates again anywhere else, which it sounds like is what actually needs to happen. So I wouldn’t bother. Especially if things might somehow get back to him that you’ve been talking about him with the owners - you want this guy to forget you existed, not come up with a reason to keep a grudge.

12

I worked in rental property management for 26 years. Please give your landlord the details about the actions of this person, but do not give any judgments or opinions about him. It is not illegal to give anyone the facts of the matter.

To sum it up: Just the facts, ma’am.

13

I don’t see this as an equivalent situation. The OP already knows the landlord in question. So I think it’s legitimate for him to inform that landlord of what he has witnessed.

I would agree it would be wrong to start following the other guy around and seek out people in his life to tell them about his condition.

14

If I understand it, the scary roommate is going to rent from another landlord (call him “Landlord B”) in the same building, NOT the same landlord as they currently rent from (Landlord A).

If I were Landlord B, I would certainly appreciate hearing from the former roommate - but it does pose some major ethical issues. You should absolutely notify Landlord A of the issues if you have not, as this is a part of your direct tenant-to-landlord relationship.

And if Landlord B is doing any due diligence whatsoever, he’ll call Landlord A for references - then A can spill the beans to B.

But you going to Landlord B can be a bit questionable and stalkerish - however rightly appreciated it would be. You might conceivably be opening yourself up to some kind of defamation lawsuit if the roommate finds out.

Something nobody has comment on is how the roommate’s family basically dumped the job of babysitting their scary, dangerous family member on you. “Hi, nice to meetcha. My brother is kind of scary and might try to harm himself or you, kthxbye”.

Well, half right. The roommate does need to live with someone else, but the problem is, nobody else should be subjected to that. It’s a conundrum. What the fellow really needs, I think, is either shared housing that is supervised by some mental health organization, or solo housing with such an organization watching out for him. A total stranger roommate, with no training whatsoever, is NOT equipped to deal with this and should not be expected to do so.

15

Some more ramblings (yes, I am avoiding work…)
If he’s already signed a lease with landlord B, telling the landlord won’t do a thing: the landlord may be legally obligated to let the condo due to the existing contract.

And the landlord may not have any sway in whether a roommate moves in: presumably the TBD roommate will be subletting a room directly from the scary one, versus signing an agreement with the landlord, right? As in, Scary is wholly responsible for the rent to the landloard, and the landlord doesn’t care whether there’s a sublet. He just cares about whether Scary can make the rent every month and won’t blow the place up.

Now, if Scary poses a danger to people outside the apartment itself, Landlord B might be at legal risk regardless of whether he knows about Scary’s scariness or not - and more so if he does know about Scary.

16

I really appreciate all the thoughtful advice in here! Based on what I’ve read here, I have decided to contact the landlord but exclude any mention of the medical condition and instead focus strictly on the facts about dangerous, malicious or unsanitary things he has done.

17

“He was walking around the house talking to himself about nonsensical things, occasionally adjusting items in the house for no logical reason etc. He stayed up all night, played loud music on repeat at inappropropriate times and was clearly out of his element.” That lasted for days. Sounds like many meth users I’ve known.

18

Maybe, but it’s not uncommon with Bipolar. I have BPD2, and my dysphoric hypo-manic episodes get like that. Really fuck with my sleep, I’ll be up at night pacing, talking to myself, repeating things i say multiple times. Some bipolar people get externally violent and some get violent towards themselves (me, I self harm a lot). Unfortunately, even with medication with bipolar the best you can do is manage it. You will get another episode some day, but medication and therapy and coping strategies can help it from happening as frequently, and lower the severity, but we have to live with knowing that eventually we’re going to have to explain to a new close friend or partner that some day we might go into a very concerning state for a couple days. Bipolar 1 is even worse because it typically involves delusions that typically require long term hospitalization (e.g. thinking you’re god).

His long-term avoidance is rather consistent with bipolar depression as well.

What is atypical and inexcusable is him holding a grudge, trying to ruin relationships, being verbally abusive etc past the episode. I understand he was probably hurt by bringing his family into it, but most bipolar people understand they needed someone to get called to reign them in, even if in the moment it feels like a betrayal. It can be consistent with a “mixed” or “dysphoric” manic state but not if it lasts more than a week or so.

This page is my favorite description of a mixed episode/dysphoric manic state that I’ve seen to show people without bipolar.

When you have bipolar you learn to recognize this state and basically isolate from society and relationships until it goes away. Sometimes, e.g. in a roommate situation that’s not always easy. And it can get very bad if you’re not experienced in managing it. It can go from “unpleasant for everyone involved” (which is common) to “extremely bad for everyone involved” very quickly. Not everyone with bipolar experiences mixed episodes though, it’s thought only a small percentage do (I’m, unluckily, one of them :frowning: ). Stressful things like moving can trigger this. Last time I moved my break got so bad I had to call my best friend and ask him to remind me of my name and where I was during the worst hour of it.

(This is all in contract to euphoric hypo-manic episodes which are usually great but in a bad way. You feel great and are so over the top nobody wants to talk to you because you get pushy, think everything is great, want to do everything, have no concept of time or boundaries etc).

19

This is also, incidentally, why I pay like 70% of my income to not have a roommate. Last time I had roommates I scared the hell out of them after locking the door to my upstairs room and continually throwing myself down the stairs intentionally because i wanted to/felt I deserved to be hurt and had convinced myself if I closed my door they wouldn’t care.

20

I don’t see any ethical issue here. Assuming it’s a private person telling other people facts (as several have mentioned, avoiding making amateur medical diagnoses). OP is not violating any law or confidentiality agreement. I know ‘ethical’ isn’t limited to that, but in this case I see no ethical issue unless there was such an applicable law or agreement which there’s not.

That said, as a matter of personal risk management I like the idea of reporting (having reported, actually) this person’s behavior to the landlord A and letting landlord B find out as part of normal due diligence (which would include calling past landlords, not past roommates).

But if OP wants to go the extra mile of telling landlord B directly, probably more risk the disturbed person finds out it’s OP, then I don’t see any ethical problem from OP’s POV. Again if it’s facts, what the person did. I don’t see the ethical principal by which those facts becomes OP’s secret to keep. ‘How can this person find housing, then?’ is just not OP’s problem, nor individual unlucky future landlords’ problem, nor unsuspecting potential future roommates’ problem, IMO. It’s society’s collective problem how to deal humanely with mentally ill people collectively, or in a more traditional view also the disturbed person’s family’s problem. Either or both need to subsidize the disturbed person to live alone, or else house them in a medical facility. ‘But they won’t do that’ still doesn’t IMO make it the problem of random unsuspecting people who sign up as landlord or roommate to this person having been denied access to highly relevant facts.

If anything I’d lean toward an ethical responsibility to make these facts known, though I think it’s fair for OP to weigh own risk in doing so. Also obviously, there are a huge number of prospective landlords and roommates in SF: no way to warn all of them. So I could also see an argument to forget about it based on futility. I just don’t see the ethical reason not to tell others these facts though, only point of contention, probably too long a post given the limited disagreement. :slight_smile: