There may already be a thread on this, but I couldn’t find it.
My 11-year-old grandson attends a public middle school and currently gets paid $100 a semester if he gets all A’s. I want to encourage him to do good in school, and wouldn’t dream of punishing him if he didn’t get good grades, but I don’t think paying him is necessarily a good idea.
My daughter started paying him a few years ago when she saw how motivated he was by money. I worry he will now grow up expecting to get paid every time he does something good. For example, should he get paid for every goal he scores in his league soccer or basketball games?
It’s good, I suppose, because it keeps him focused on getting the work done and turning it in on time, which is something he’s had a problem with in the past. With his grades posted online he can see how he is doing in each of his classes in real time and he sometimes catches the teacher making a grading mistake on a particular assignment.
When I was growing up in the 60’s and 70s I didn’t know anyone who got paid for their grades, but it likely was happening. I worry about him being over focused on money as opposed to learning something for the sake of learning it.
It will get harder for him to get straight A’s once he’s in high school, but he can probably keep it up for at least a few more years. Every year the amount he can earn gets higher, which will theoretically motivate him to work harder… or it may frustrate him. Time will tell.
The question is, do you think paying kids to get good grades is a good idea, especially in the long run?
God, no. Honestly, I’m not sure grades are a good idea, especially in the long run. As an educator, I accept that we’re stuck with them, but more because they serve a number of other convenient purposes than because they serve the students.
Generally, I think your instinct that paying for grades focuses the student on the money and not on learning is correct, and I’d add that the most grade-focused students tend not to be the best or most interesting ones in the classroom. (One particular pre-professional program at my university is notorious for this – students need near-perfect grades in their first two years to be admitted to the program. Which means they tend to be super-focused on memory-and-regurgitation, inclined to turn to AI for written assignments, and resentful of general education requirements, especially in subjects that they don’t see as their strong suit.)
I got a $1 per “A”.
Sometimes we got a family treat if every ones grades were good that semester.
My kids got “script” for “A” grades thru the school. They could spend the script at the school store or to go to ballgames or other school activities on it.
I gave treats and privileges at home for good grades. No money.
And, of course, bragged on them.(they kinda hated that).
My overwhelming feeling is its probably not the best idea to pay big bucks for grades. If it’s working for your grand child, I say its probably ok.
He’ll get paid money to do good work at a job, someday. After all.
You might be overthinking this a bit. I don’t really see anything wrong with rewarding a kid for putting in the work to get good grades.
I didn’t do very well in school until I was an undergraduate. One of the reasons I didn’t do very well was because I didn’t care. What difference to me was earning an A versus a C? My life wasn’t made better or worse either way. I earned A’s in the classes I liked a C’s in the ones that didn’t interest me. I went to college a little later in life than most, and I treated it like a job. Even if I wasn’t interested in biology, I studied so ensure I made an A. We’re not all motivated by the same things.
IMO, no, because other kids’ parents may not offer to pay for good grades. Esp. considering age and public school. I generally think one shouldn’t bribe kids if it can be avoided, because not everything in life is transactional; but also, I don’t have kids.
My parents’ take on their children (as far as I can tell) was that just like they should get some money for their own discretionary use just from being part of the family (offset some with chores and such), to go to school was the job. (I’d say in some ways going to school was worse than holding a job but that’s not really here or there.) And yes, some recognition of a job well done should occur, much like it should in a job.
Could it backfire? Sure. But any choice in parenting could be analyzed to death.
An 11 year old is more likely to lord money over peers than bedtime stories. $100 a semester can be a lot in some communities, for that age. And that’s a rough time for kids - right around when they start developing a sense of identity.
When I’m in schools talking to kids about resilience and learning through failure, I usually begin with a quick survey. First, I ask teachers and staff in the auditorium to close their eyes. […]
“Raise your hand if you truly believe your parents love you more when you bring home high grades, and love you less when you make low ones.”
Over the past five years, I’ve asked this question to thousands of kids, ages 12 to 18, and the percentages still surprise me. Among middle-school children, about 80 percent believe that, yes, their parents truly love them more when they deliver high grades and less when they make low ones. In high school, the average is a little higher — about 90 percent.
I also remember one of my favorite teachers in high school telling me about one of the proudest moments in his career: awarding one of his more troubled students with a C grade after months of hard work. It’s not the grade that matters so much as the effort that goes into it.
We never paid our kid for good grades but I always did impress upon him that his good grades bought him a lot of freedom. He didn’t have a lot of rules imposed upon him like a bedtime, or when or how much he had to study, or how much screen time he got. It was understood that if he couldn’t manage keeping good grades however that we would have to step in and start putting limitations on things.
It think he took it to heart and decided early on that it was a win-win for him to be self driven, get good grades, and be able to control things (have freedom) for himself.
No doubt. While I agree kids can be real assholes, I’m curious where we draw the line here. If one kid has nicer shoes than the other, is that a problem because the kid with nice kicks might lord it over the other? If a parent decides to reward good grades by taking their kid to Red Lobster, is that okay?
I was offered a car if I made honor role in high school, perhaps not a kid like OP was thinking? I barely squeaked into 2nd dean’s list or whatever the lowest bracket was and my folks did get me a car. But I think it was more of a responsibility or work/reward lesson than straight up getting paid. I had a part time job and still had to pay my insurance, fuel, all the costs.
And the car was a 1968 Plymouth in the mid-90s, not what teens dream of.
Parenting is messy and all kids are different so I wouldn’t say never, but I haven’t paid my High Schooler and Middle Schooler yet. I make sure they have the time, rest and support they need and I make a huge deal out of the grades they earn and it has worked so far.
Not sure if Skyward is a thing where the OP is living but our district has it set up where I can look and see all the grades my children have gotten when they’re posted. I go there during the workday just to see what my kids have been doing during the day and as prompt question fuel at dinner time so instead of “How was your day?” I can ask “Did you learn anything cool about Tanzania today?”.
I haven’t done it with my kids so far (they’re in 3rd and 5th grades), but I don’t think there’s anything wrong if you do. I kind of subconsciously do it in the sense that I allow my kids probably way more Roblox time than I should because it doesn’t appear to be interfering with their studies and they get straight As or almost straight As (depending on which kid we’re talking about.) So, basically, no, don’t care, and I’m not particularly worried with how they will turn out. If a little more concrete reward is helpful to fine-tuning their focus so they learn the material their expected to learn, fine with me.
Thanks for the thoughtful responses. As a grandparent, it’s not my place to tell my daughter how to raise her kid, and since no two kids are alike, there’s probably no single strategy that would make sense for every kid.
I don’t like paying kids for grades because I think it sends the wrong message. If you want me to perform well, you have to pay me to do it, and kids shouldn’t have to be bribed to do well. They should want to do well because it makes them feel good, not because there’s a financial incentive, but whatever works for everyone else is good enough for me.
Again, I’m not a parent so take what I say with a grain of salt. If your friends only put in the effort because they get paid, and you don’t get paid, you are likely to question why you bother putting in the effort. Especially if you are going through a rougher situation at home than your friends at their homes. If your friends have nicer shoes, that doesn’t present the same dilemma.
As for the Red Lobster, I don’t think that would be as big a problem because it’s unlikely a kid is going to spend the whole semester motivated by a single dinner at a chain restaurant; in the unlikely case where that motivates the kid, it probably isn’t going to discourage other kids.
It sends the message, “you do well, you get rewarded!”
There is not one thing wrong with that.
If it bothers other parents that is a “them” problem.
If they brag to their friends, that is just what kids do.
I’d rather they brag about that than the “keg” party they attended over the weekend.
I’m not a parent either, but I remember being a kid. Quite frankly, the shoes are a bigger problem because it’s a daily reminder I’m poor compared to my friend. I’m just having a hard time seeing this as being a big problem in the grand scheme of things. It’s $100 which isn’t a lot of money these days. It’s got the same purchasing power as $40 is 1990. I doubt many kids are going to be working hard for those grades just for the promise of a $100 reward a few months down the road. I also doubt a kid who gets that money is going to lord it over his friends who do not.