Marriage removes any uncertainty about who can make medical decisions and, especially in the age of COVID, who might be allowed to visit the other in a medical facility.
Pennsylvania no longer recognizes common law marriages since 2005, but if you have been in one since befoe then, it recognizes that. I went to college in Pennsylvania when it did have common law marriage, defined in such a way that if my gay make friend crashed on the floor of my dorm room overnight, we were married. We referred to this as the “trapped in an elevator sodomy law.”
Marriage does make some things easier, but pretty much all the same can be done w/ various documents - such as healthcare power of attorney, will, payable on death, trusts, etc.
My youngest just bought a house w/ her perpetual fiancé. I had assumed they might just get married to make things easier, but instead, they got it done other ways. As well as powers of atty for healthcare, etc.
My wife and I are going through the same exercise as you: her father recently died and left a kinda confused estate. We do not wish to leave the same for our kids. So we are updating our wills, looking into how all of our assets are held, etc.
As long as you’ve taken steps to allow each other to make healthcare decisions for each other (dependent on state law), I don’t see any real NEED to get married. And I’m sure you could find another reason to have a party!
If you’re both filing taxes as single, you should consider doing the paper work, and get married, I think. That’s exactly the kind of thing that reaches back and botches things up. Usually at some crucial juncture. Something to think about.
And I say this in year 38 of a relationship without ‘the benefits of marriage’, as they used to say. We have long filed taxes as common law partners, (it’s all recognized here!) And we have all our ducks in a row with power of attorney, for medical decisions, finances, both our names are on all the accounts, etc, etc.
No chance I’d have been okay to be deemed simply, ‘next of kin’, in any of that paperwork. That seems like asking for trouble. Mine all specifies ‘common law wife’.
You should consult an attorney, in my opinion. Good Luck!
What are the rules when one person in a marriage has kids while the other doesn’t? In your case can you get married and drop dead the next day, your wife would get half of your assets and your kids would get to split the other half. So that means that she could do whatever she wanted with her half and when she dies your kids could get nothing from her. But if you never get married I always understood that the family would get everything. I know you said in your case you plan on leaving everything to your girlfriend so that doesn’t really apply here.
This actually happened in my family, my great grandfather built a number of houses, he kept a number of them. He divorced his first wife in the 1930s, got remarried and had another kid. The second wife and child got everything. My grandmother and her sisters got nothing after he died.
I would be on the receiving end of this case, my father has two kids, his current wife none. I have always thought that she would get half and when she died she could do whatever she wished with it. I do understand that they’ve been married for years and no one should be homeless, I just wonder what could happen.
My current will leaves everything to my gf. She knows what to distribute to my son and daughter, as we’ve all discussed it over drinks (morbid family chat).
As an executrix of an estate similar to yours, I will throw in with a yes, get married if you don’t have any personal hesitations. It will make life easier for anyone charged with managing your affairs. When people die and leave their entire estate to a non-relative, there is a lot of room for hiccups in the execution.
Be sure to name a successor executor and successor heirs too. Your children should be mentioned in the will, whatever your plans are, so they have no questions. It might be a good idea to also mention the existence (or non-existence) of any first cousins or other relatives who may potentially have a claim.
You need an excuse to throw a party? Hasn’t held me back yet!
Seriously, it would probably be a good idea for legal and estate reasons to get married. But don’t take my word for it; consult an attorney and a financial advisor. At least you don’t need any help from someone to tell you about the birds and bees (I hope).
I can tell you one from personal experience. The other person loses their head of household filing status meaning as a couple you now ay a lot more in taxes.
Remember back when gay marriage was controversial? Some opponents said that gay partners could just sign a bunch of legal documents without being married. Whereupon the proponents pointed out that there were over a thousand different legal benefits to marriage, and that some of them couldn’t be achieved with any amount of non-marriage paperwork. There were very good reasons why gay couples wanted to get married, and the same applies to you.
Meanwhile, well, why not get married? The usual reason not to marry is because you don’t want the commitment, but it sounds like that’s already settled. What else is there weighing against?
Not a probate attorney but IMO this is a horrible plan. If there is something specific you want to have happen, put it in your will. Never count on “someone knows what I want and will do it.”
Can you set it up as a Zoom party so we Dopers can party with you in celebration?
I say go for it. It is a lot easier in stressful medical situations to be a spouse with all the usual rights versus having to present legal papers to exercise those rights and be trying to convince some19 year old ward clerk that you have a right to be at the bedside discussing decisions with the doctors, in my lived life experience. Plus the benefits via health insurance and Social Security spousal benefits, which are not to be sniffed at.
Heh. Really the only thing I have against marriage is based on principles. I don’t think formalizing a relationship with the government as a participant should give me more rights.
I tried to convince my kids to have a gender-reveal party for our first grandkid. They (like us) think gender-reveal parties are stupid so I explained it was just a reason for us to have a party and for me to shove cake into my mouth (strawberry cream filling if a girl, blueberry cream filling if a boy).
Yup. I’m 50, wife is 51. We’ve been together for 11 years. We’re not legally married, but - as you can see - I refer to her as my wife. And I consider her daughter to be my own. Daughter is 21, on the autism spectrum, and legally disabled. She won’t be moving out anytime soon, so as long as she lives with us, my wife can file as Head of Household (while I file as Single).
Before Daughter turned 18, there was another factor: she has always received excellent benefits from the state, due to her disability. Had we gotten married, then my income would have been taken into consideration along with Wife’s, and her benefits would have most likely been reduced. After Daughter turned 18, the benefits shifted strictly to her, so this is no longer an issue.
But the tax thing still is. Every year, when we do our taxes, we ask our preparer (who is also a friend) if we should get married, or remain as we are. Thus far, she has told us we’re better off not legally married.
Maybe a disadvantage of me and my wife both being lawyers. But to us, at its heart, marriage is a contract.
If you are not at all concerned with the disposition of your assets when you die or split up, then there is no need to get married - or to write a will or much else.
Given your beliefs, I’d say there’s no reason to get married. You know what is best for the 2 of you.
My best (only?) friend at work has been w/ his partner for decades, with no intention of marrying. So what you are currently doing is not unique.
You don’t have to be a lawyer to style your estates the way you wish, but you do have to pay attention to a number of details. What you describe above - leaving everything to each other and expecting the survivor to disseminate some assets - is a recipe for hurt feelings. Without exception, I have NEVER seen people act worse than WRT estates.
You’ll be dead, so what do you care? But we don’t want our kids to have to go through hassles or incur hurt feelings just because we were careless, lazy or sloppy in our planning.
