Where issues like that are irrelevant such as rental accommodations or employment I agree with you but in our personal lives there’s no reason one should have to put up with that BS.
A more reasonable equivalent than the examples you gave would be letting a woman know ahead of time that I don’t identify as a man; that to whatever extent she counts on male people to manifest certain characteristics and behaviors, in my case she should count on being disappointed in that regard.
It’s a major turnoff to a lot of women and a disconcerting experience that’s usually interpreted as “gee I guess he isn’t interested in me” or some such thing to a lot of others.
Damn right I warn them in advance. Doing so screens out people whose time I would be wasting, along with my own.
There’s something quite bigoted about what you just posted.
In most cases, people are hetero. Unless the person is trying to meet people in a gay bar, the default assumption is hetero.
“Heterosexual” doesn’t rule out dating trans people. Most men who date trans women are heterosexual.
Even so, the trans population is a tiny fraction of the whole, and my point remains that the courteous thing to do is disclose.
Because otherwise, you might have to go through the rigorous ordeal of spending an evening with someone without having sex with them?
Because it is a waste of time for all concerned. I don’t like having my time wasted. I don’t like to waste other people’s time.
I understand that is how you would do it. But would you fault someone else for accepting an invitation for a first date without first going into an exposition on their gender identity in a completely unprompted way?
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Then such folks who don’t want to date trans people can disclose it. Asking trans folks to out themselves to strangers increases their risk of being assaulted. I’m unaware of any statistics indicating that people increase their risk of assault by stating that they would prefer not to date trans people.
And if you don’t get laid, it’s a waste of time?
Why else would you be dating somebody if it doesn’t lead to getting laid?
I thought incels were wanting companionship and not just about sex?
To be fair, IF what the person IS trying is to get laid…
Dude, I’m married. I know all about spending evenings without getting laid. That’s not the deal. If I was single and asking someone on a date, I’d be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. That’s just not possible for me with someone that is trans. Tell me up front, and we both can move on to other opportunities, no harm no foul.
I’d say not outing themselves to someone prior to a date increases their chance of being assaulted. Lots of people really don’t appreciate that sort of surprise.
Do you have personal experience with this? I don’t; I tend to trust trans people who generally rely on their own personal experiences. It makes sense to me that someone might want to find out through personal interaction what kind of person they’re interacting with before revealing information that puts them at risk. It doesn’t mean waiting until the bedroom. But something like “hey, I like you – before we go any further, there’s something you should know about me…”, at the end of a date while waiting for the check at a restaurant, or something, strikes me as the best balance. Or folks who don’t want to date trans people can disclose it at the beginning. Both ideas minimize the risk of harm to folks.
This seems reasonable.
It’s not the obligation of transgender or genderqueer people to do so. Trans people don’t owe the rest of a world a heads-up. People can just cope. They aren’t freaking entitled to a distant early warning klaxon as if trans folks were a threat to public safety.
It might, however, be in the best interests of the transgender or genderqueer person to do so, for their own reasons. I very much find that to be true for me. Somebody else’s mileage may, of course, vary.
Nonetheless, most heterosexual people will not date a transgender person.
Cite.
The vast majority will not date a transgender person. This majority is overwhelming among self-identified heterosexuals. Among gay people it’s somewhat less but still a large majority -
It seems odd to insist that the needs of the many must give way to the needs of the (very) few. 90% think like I do, 10% think like you do, therefore it is up to you to make your preferences clear. IMO, not.
What are the statistics of people increasing their risk of assault by listing their transgenderism on a website vs. doing so in person?
If you don’t have any, then I will point out that the risk is going to be inherently greater revealing it in person, because it is relatively hard to beat someone up on a website.
Regards,
Shodan