For me, if I’m going to be hanging around people that the only thing we have in common is DNA, I’m going to need a drink. Once someone starts putting restrictions on my behavior on what is already a strained event, I’m out. I chose my friends, not my relatives.
Fair. I look on it as duty, not pleasure, and the drink thing would irk me but not make me write it off. But I get how others vary.
I don’t know of any state that has COVID alcohol restrictions for private gatherings, but it’s not imposible: there are places in the world that have clamped right down on alcohol to restrict gatherings:
Phuket adds and “clarifies” many restrictions, “no” booze | Thaiger (thethaiger.com)
I thought of this when I saw ‘reminder’. Perhaps they are ‘reminding’ people that the venue or local government isn’t permitting alcohol.
You should expect to bring or be served alcohol if you’re in an area where alcohol at parties is the norm (e.g., not a Mormon community). If it departs from the norm, it should have been mentioned in the original invitation. However, that should also not be grounds for declining to go. I drink but I don’t feel that alcohol is the whole point of a party. (The wedding story is a sidebar but that woman is an asshole. You do not give a wedding gift as payment for alcohol.)
It’s also possible that someone on the guest list, or who’s hosting it, is on a medication or has a health condition where consuming any alcohol could be very dangerous.
Not necessarily. I rarely drink. I would likely decline this one based on the communication alone. This should have been included in the original announcement. The finger wagging tone would have me noping out.
Maybe, without context, it’s not something that I’d want to attend. Just screams uptight.
I’d be a bit annoyed. An all day event like that calls for a few drinks. I do my part by not asking you about what you’re drinking or try to force alcohol on you. If you used to drink in the past and aren’t at the event, I won’t comment. Alcohol is full of calories so maybe the person is choosing to eat well and consume excess calories that way
Weddings are a bit different, but I decline all wedding invitations unless we’re really close
I’d be really surprised if that was the case. I mean, people don’t ban other food or drink entirely from a potluck because someone is allergic or intolerant.* They make sure that everyone can eat and drink, but they don’t ban meat because someone is a vegetarian or grapefruit juice because it interferes with someone’s medication. After all, the fact that I’m consuming alcohol doesn’t affect you. It might be happen if the person for who drinking is dangerous can’t pass up alcohol if t’s there- but that seems to be more of a drinking problem situation.
There are a few reasons to have a dry party
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It’s a party specifically for a child or children (birthday, graduation, etc) and although adults are attending, the hosts feel drinking is inappropriate. Not applicable here.
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The hosts/people providing the space have some sort of objection (religious/moral) to drinking. Doesn’t seem to be the case here.
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The hosts can’t afford to provide alcohol. Doesn’t apply.
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The last time there was a party with alcohol, there were problems. Doesn’t seem to apply here.
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Someone has a drinking problem although it may not be widely known. This is the most likely reason for this party, especially since it includes any food where the alcohol hasn’t burned off. Nobody is going to get drunk from a fruitcake, but it might cause problems for an alcoholic. And if the OPs family is anything like mine, there will probably be people unrelated to the OP at the party - if my cousin hosts a BBQ, she will very likely invite her in-laws cousins from the other side of her family and/or friend or two. I wouldn’t know if any of those people were alcoholics.
It should not have been framed as a reminder, though. If word got around the family by osmosis rather than any sort of written invitation ( even on social media) then the people providing the space don’t know what information actually made it to anyone else.
/* with the possible exception of peanuts in the shell
I do agree that it would have been best to just say so up front, and not knowing these people, I do get how some people might think there’s an attitude problem going on somewhere.
I don’t currently drink, but when I did it wouldn’t bug me in the slightest. I might “pre-party” but no big deal. I have plenty of friends in non-drinking cultures.
My inference would be that someone is going through recovery. I can empathize with that. I personally don’t care if people drink around me and I still attend functions at bars and the like. Not a big deal for me. But I understand for others it is much more difficult and that sort of accommodation is understandable (touching, even) and not worth getting angry about. Like I said, even in my hard drinking days, it wouldn’t have made a difference to me, and I’ve been to dry weddings and enjoyed myself regardless. If the hosts want it to be dry or vegan or whatever (and I’ve been at parties like that), I don’t fucking care. I can enjoy myself without a beer or a slab of meat. There’s better things to get frustrated about. I can always choose not to go if I absolutely can’t survive X hours with these people without alcohol.
It is best to be up front about this, of course.
If it’s the sort of party one would expect alcohol to be at (BBQ, dinner, wedding, funeral, general social gathering) then yes, it’d be polite to mention upfront it’s dry. The reason doesn’t matter - the hosts get to make the call because it’s their party. They should also have the good grace not to be too put out if people decline to attend on that basis, just as they should have the good grace not to be too put out if a teetoaller declines to attend a “wet” party.
If it’s something you wouldn’t normally expect alcohol at (Community meeting, religious celebration, etc) then no, I don’t think it’s necessary.
It would also depend on your community/culture, too. Like in Australia, it’s understood if someone says “Come over for a barbecue at our place” that there will be drinks and you should bring at least a six-pack of something to share (and leave unopened beverages with the host at the event’s conclusion).
Is it super weird, though?
I’d like to have a Halloween party either this year or next. I rarely drink, and being responsible for people being out in bad weather or late at night when drunks are most likely to be out makes me nervous to begin with, so I’d really not like people to drink at said party. I’ve wondered for a while if people would find don’t BYOB to be a strange request. I mean, I’m sure they’d comply if they came, I just wonder how it’d come across.
I just wanted to comment that expectations vary a lot by community.
The only events I go to where I absolutely expect alcohol are religious celebrations. It’s not Passover without four glasses of wine. (Teetotalers can drink grape juice, but it would be really weird to not offer wine.)
But i can’t recall going to a funeral where there was booze. And most of the general social gatherings i go to are dry.
So… I honestly have no idea whether it’s reasonable for the op to be annoyed that the party will be dry. I guess, based on the op, they expected it would be a wet party, not a dry one. So, sure, it’s annoying to have the type of party change after you’ve RSVP’d.
That being said, i rarely drink at picnics and daytime parties, and to me, the last minute “reminder” would make absolutely no difference, unless i was worried about uncle Frank making a scene, in which case it might be welcome.
But… If socializing with your family sober is torture, i guess you shouldn’t go. I do think that suggests you either have a drinking problem or a family problem. But life is too short to spend a day being miserable if you don’t have to.
Personally - and this is just me - I’d consider it a strange request, but one the host is entirely entitled to make.
However, my view is that I’m an adult, if I drink too much and wrap my car around a tree on the way home that’s a me problem, not on you as the host, and saying “No booze at the party because the weather’s a bit shit and I don’t want you having an accident as a result” just comes across as mothering and says you don’t trust my ability to make decisions - even if it’s coming from a place of caring.
Now, if you saw I’d finished off a bottle of whiskey and was hunting around from the cooking sherry, you’d be totally within the bounds of encouraged conduct to say “You shouldn’t drive home, let me call you a taxi or an Uber or I can make the spare bed up if you like” - but that’s a totally different to pre-emptively saying “No booze because something bad might happen if I let otherwise functioning adults drink at this event”, IMO.
As you rightly note, it varies by community and other things. I’ve been to “dry” funerals (and I’m including the wake as part of the funeral in this discussion) where alcohol would have been inappropriate for whatever reason, and I’ve been to “wet” ones where raising a glass (or few) to the deceased would absolutely be something the attendees would expect to be doing.
Absolutely you should make it clear in advance. Doubly so if it’s a potluck and people will probably bring booze. Springing it last second, if done so people already are committed, is a dick move. I’m of the personal opinion that someone being in recovery or being worried about teens snagging some beers are both really weak sauce reasons, but it’s not really that big of a deal to be dry, just give the info and let people decide up front.
I do think if you’re going to change what used to be a party with booze to one without you need to be upfront from the start. You can’t just change things without notice and I’d argue some sort of reason, just like if your yearly clambake got changed to a pig roast, you need to explain that X has developed an anaphylactic reaction to clams.
I went to a wedding years ago where no one found out til we got to the reception that it was dry. The bride’s parents were asked discretely (I overheard) why this was and the response was it was a venue thing, not their choice.
As a non-drinker (personal dislike of that alcohol aftertaste, that’s all) I don’t understand how people feel that they can’t survive a get together without booze, but if you can’t I’d rather you not go. You won’t enjoy yourself.
I’m still trying to get past “No food cooked with booze where the alcohol hasn’t been cooked off”.
Isn’t that true of pretty much ANY recipe that uses booze short of Jell-O shots?
As per the OP, if said hosts are known drinkers at previously held events they hosted, then yeah, they need to say something.
That whole “reminder” remark when they never said something before is a little more than irksome though. It sounds like they were trying to get people to commit first and then pull the rug beneath them.
Not cool.
When the invitation/announcement is sent out, it should include whether or not it is dry, especially if it is a potluck, which generally means bring what you want. Most people will not care, but if they’ve already decided on what they are bringing, and it’s not appropriate according to the new rule, they now have to change. And it’s easier to just decide not to come at all.
And the host really screwed up. If the initial invite is by osmosis, any changes should be along the same channels. Because the event, as defined at the beginning, is super casual. Changing the rules in the middle will certainly cause confusion and strife.
This statement is inaccurate. if someone is actually in recovery, they should even avoid dishes where the alcohol is cooked off. When my friend’s father was just out of rehab, she didn’t even use vanilla extract. This was based on the recommendation of the facility.
And alcohol cooking off? Needs to be cooked for three hours, approximately.
This is a common myth. But most food isn’t cooked long enough for this to happen.
Yes, and yes, for my social milieu.
An exception - my in-laws are teetotal, and get-togethers at their house, specifically, are dry. But this is a known fact in our wider family, and so the warning is baked-in.