Shane’s agent: “Ummmm . . . No speakee English! Agent no here!” [slam]
Good lord, are Mr. Nutter and Jon-Benet’s mom and Mrs. Talentless Shane the three most delusional people in the U.S.?
Damn, that little black girl can act!
I keep waiting for Mrs. Klingensmith to just get it over with and jump into bed with her son, God knows she thinks he’s wonderful enough. shudder
Emily’s mom, holding Emily up to the mirror first thing in the morning:
“Is that a pretty girl?”
And Emily shakes her head. Way to go, Mom! It’s always best to teach your daughter that there’s something inherently wrong with her appearance from the earliest age possible.
That’s more or less as far as I’ve gotten – watching it TiVo-delayed.
Ugh, I can’t believe she would say something like that to her own child. I don’t see why a fake tanned, make up, hair teased four year old looks better than a natural four year old. I have a little girl and she’s beatiful just the way she is. The whole pageant scene makes me ill.
And I agree with Eve, little Jordan has got talent. Having a sane mother probably helps.
Are there two Jordans, the little black girl and the teenager? I know the surly teen is named Jordan, but I can’t remember the little girl’s name.
I thought teen Jordan was a little delusional, complaining that they rejected her based on her looks (hair, braces, acne, etc.), when she should know Hollywood is all about looks. She’s cute enough, but she just needs to clean up a little, you know, take care of the acne, get her braces off and get a decent haircut.
Emily’s mom… there are no words. Pouring Pixie Sticks down her child’s throat first thing in the morning, to “get her motivated”? We need a jaw-dropping smilie.
As a mother, I am horrified. She brushes off those “other parents” who give their kids energy drinks like Red Bull as somehow bad, but giving your kid straight sugar is okay? :eek: What’s in Red Bull, anyway? Aren’t they mostly caffeine?
And calling the judges assholes right in front of your four-year-old… yeah, Mom, nice sportsmanship. Way to teach her about losing graciously.
And letting her play like any other kid… but then telling her not to jump around because she was messing up her hair. Yikes. And that bit with coaching her from the back - I didn’t like that at all. I don’t think that should be allowed. If the child can’t do it on their own, then tough. They should be judged on how well they do the performance on their own, not with Mom doing it for them from the back.
Shane. Scary Mom again. Boy, she’s a weirdo. Telling those people he’s the next teen idol and making a tv show (or was it a movie?) and cutting a record. Is she a flake or what?
What, no Duncan nashing? Come on, people. He’s a lousy actor and an asshole to boot. If I dealt with potential producers (is that what they were?) the way the he did, I never would have made those blockbusters. Okay, so I never did. BUT if I had ever, ever dealt with a client the way that guy did, I’d have been flipping burgers instead of having a career.
I feel sorry for his kids. It’s called transference, people! He can’t do it, so he’ll force his children to live his dreams. And why is his wife standing idly by and allowing it to happen?
Nelly Dad: I don’t know who’s worse, him or his spineless scarecrow wife. Does she have that bad a self-image that she thinks, “Well, I’ve got a cute husband, even if we did have our 27 kids via a turkey baster . . .” Why doesn’t she grow a spine and say, “Look, you wanna be an actor, go right ahead, but leave the rest of us out if it.”
Mrs. Jon-Benet: I think I have figured out why all these little pageant girls look like 1984 hookers—that’s when their Moms were in high school. “I’ll make little Ashlee or Tiffanee look just like I did at my St. Elmo’s Fire-theme Prom!”
Sullen Teen: She’s bad, but not terrible. Needs a lot of coaching. Another Mom who needs a spine and to say, “Look, after you graduate, you can do whatever you want.”
Talentless Shane: Can he act? He’s not bad-looking; but he can’t even talk on-key.
Little Black Girl: She’s a better dramatic actress she “telegraphs” her comedy scenes), but with her talent and her Mom, she just might make it. Unless she hits 16 and says “screw this shit, I’m going to college.”
Wasn’t it pathetic that the agent’s office was in her GARAGE???
After this series ends, I think all the parents except Jordan Moseley’s mom will be arrested, tried and convicted of child abuse! And they’ll all be put away for a long, long time. The kids will be placed with loving foster families who will treat them like kids, discipline them when they need to be disciplined, outlaw hot rollers and fake tans and make sure that they go to school every single day. And then we can forget about them all.
Shane K.'s mom needs to be shown videotape of Mr. Nutter and told “This is what you’re raising your son to be. Do you really want that?”
I would have totally told Mr. Nutter where to if I were one of those producers he was talking to. Mrs. Nutter needs to take her kids and run for her life. And knock that stupid smile off her face.
Little Emily’s going to have some major mental scars later in life. Yes, teach her now that her value in life is based upon how she looks. When Emily gets older and suddenly isn’t quite so cute, what’s her mom going to do then? Is there a dad in this situation? If I were him, watching this show, I’d begin the process for seeking full custody of this child. He’s got plenty of evidence on videotape.
The two Jordans are definitely the most normal, at least at this point.
I was remarking elsewhere that I’ve never heard that Tye woman mention her husband and 9yo son ONCE… not even a casual, “Gee, I miss them with traveling so much for pageants.”
I have two female cousins who were breathtakingly beautiful children – they did the occasional pageant or modeling. My aunt constantly reinforced how pretty they were to the exclusion of all else. Something about their faces changed significantly at puberty, and it worsened as they aged. Neither of them are (remotely) physically attractive now as adults. It’s a shame, and it’s been difficult for them to adjust. Neither have healthy intimate relationships, and they both live with their mother to this day. (One is in her thirties, one is in her mid-twenties.)
Hi. I’m Hamlet. And I…
Sorry. After watching this show for two straight weeks, I just feel dirty. I really want to not watch the show, but I just can’t help myself. I generally hate reality television. Don’t watch Apprentice. Despise the very concept of Reality Dating shows like Average Joe and My Big Fat whatever. I generally disapprove of those who do spend an inordinate amount of time watching reality television. But I watch a half hour of this show each week. (Thank God for new Scrubs on NBC, because it’s such a good show, I have no problem switching away from Showbiz Moms & Dads.) But still, for that half-hour, I get so upset at these people.
That being said, OH MY GOD! I absolutely despise everybody on that show (with the exception of 8 year old Jordan and her mother, they seem normal.) Going one by one:
WhinyBitchTeen: Yes you got dissed because of your looks. Guess what? It’s frickin’ Hollywood. In just two episodes, you’ve shown yourself to be a self-centered, ill-prepared, stupid twit with little to no talent and a bad attitude. And cut your poor mother some slack, you egomanic.
WhinyBitchTeenMom: Get a spine. Really. Hit Spines R’ Us and buy one. You really need it. You really don’t have to take all that crap from your daughter, even if in your delusional mind she’s going to be a star. You work too hard and are way too easy on your whiny teen. Since I do feel sorry for you, I’ll put a spine on layaway for you.
JocastaFreakMom: tsarina hit the nail on the head. There is something incredibly creepy about IsntItAShane’s Mom’s preoccupation and infatuation with her own son. Sure she’s delusional and oversupportive, but if I had to vote for the one parent most in need of serious therapy, it’s her.
IsntItAShane: Dude, listen carefully. You have no talent. You are not now, nor will you ever be, a star. Although you seem to be a fairly good-looking kid, I’ll wager you dollars to donuts that you end up either: 1) With a serious drug problem; 2) Being seduced by your own mother; or 3) both. It is a tough break that your voice is changing, but seriously, you can’t sing, you can’t dance, and you can’t even get an agent. Two words: BACKUP PLAN.
NormalJordan: Good Luck. I mean that in all seriousness. You can act, you seem to be well-adjusted, and your mom is helpful and supportive. I’m rooting for ya’ kid.
NormalJordanMom: Keep up the good work and take care of her.
NuttersisthePerfectName: NutterDad is downright scary. He’s willing to sacrifice his family so he can try and live his dream of acting through his children. It is almost abusive the way he pushes these children, even though only one of them appears to have any talent whatsoever. Stop pushing the kids, ya’ freak. Anyone have DCFS’s number for Queens? NutterMom is right, she is no actor. Neither is her husband or any of her kids, but that doesn’t stop NutterDad does it? Get help NutterMom, before your hubby loses his ever so tenuous grasp on reality.
JonBenetMom: You are evil. Simply put, you are the most disturbing parent to watch this show. In addition to being so incredibly stupid that you don’t see all these pagents for what they are (scams), you push, insult, and slowly destroy you child in an effort to gain some iota of self-worth. You honestly scare me. You are also a manipulative, self-contradictory, lying piece of garbage. Did you even see your poor child’s face when she realized she forgot to use her “silly face” on the judges? It would break your heart. That is if you had a heart you harpy. But that’s OK, because you quickly reassured your daughter that it was OK, just like a real, loving mother. If I had turned off the television immediately after that, however, I wouldn’t have seen the next 15 minutes you spent harping on the poor child for forgetting her silly face, after you said it was OK. I suggest you spend the $20,000 a year you spend on pagents on something helpful for your child. Like buying about 3 pounds of percocet and doing yourself in.
Some brilliant poster on the Television Without Pity message board (would that it had been me!) has nicknamed the gay Nutter dad “Fluffer Nutter.”
This was my first time seeing the show – my friend and I happened to catch it after Queer Eye. Both the kids and the parents scare me, with the possible exception of the black girl and her mom. How did these people agree to appear on the show? They must know how they’re going to be portrayed. I guess people will do anything to get their kid and themselves on TV. I would think that they would at least have the dignity to not act like asshats with cameras around.
The part of the show that killed me was when the preteen/teenage boy was getting his pictures taken. All the little girls were coming up to him for autographs. “I don’t recognize him, but he’s having his picture taken, so he MUST be famous! I won’t ask my friend who he is because she’ll make fun of me and say I’m not cool!” Then the grandma came by and got two autographs – one for herself and one for her granddaughter. The granddaughter’s face when she gets the autograph: 
Well, that’s it then. Now everytime I see his chipmunky face, I’m going to be hearing cheesy '70s porn music.
It always confuses me when pagent moms say that they put make up on their kids so that their features will show.
If that’s the case, then how come all the little girls on TV shows look like…little girls?
I have yet to see a pagent kid with ‘stage make up’ that looks remotely natural. Those little girls wear more than I do!
“walkachickenwalkachickenwalkachicken . . .”
Someone on the Tw/oP message boards brough up a good point: I’ll bet dollars to dougnuts the Nutters belong to some weird-ass religious cult. It all fits:
• Severely in-denial gay dad
• Eight million kids
• Scraggly-haired, makeup-free mom who mindlessly obeys her lord & master
The hell with getting them a sitcom—they’d be perfect for The Andrea Yates Story!