I admit it, you got me. I was expecting to see the OP get flamed to the ground as a self-centered spoiled brat.
Very nicely done.
Wow. Thanks.
Admittedly the rant could have been much better if I weren’t under so much pressure and sleep deprived. I appreciate your comments though, your kind words are to me like a warm bed with big puffy pillows and thick sheets that have been rinsed in sweet rainwater then hung out to dry in the…
Hey! Damn birds! Get away from those! I swear they’re taking over! I’m getting a cat!
Wonderful post! A classic.
Twiddle
I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
And gently lowered the window
And crushed its fucking head!
hey, matt, you left out the best lines…
I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
I’m not a morning person.
Bastard didn’t have to go to work did he, over-privileged little shit!
No skin off my nose, but I think you ought to offer up a credit or a salute or cite to whomever wrote your post.
I found this version at http://www.madstanltd.co.uk/jks/j49x.htm
Wow…what a great rant.
How about just razing their house?
I too thought that you were speaking of HUMAN neighboors…
Neat trick! Nice post! Course if there were human neighboors who pooped on cars and needed their bathwater changed, then I’d have to say that they were beyond neighboors from hell!
I just have to wip a little tear from my eye… that was friggin beautiful.
standing ovation
Hilarious!
I have gone on corpse clearing strike this year, my damn cats just kill too many, and I’m the only fucker that will clear them up!
Recently my garden has been a regular “Zed and Two Naughts”.
Dunno how well it works really though, instead of the gentle twittering, I now get the insane squawking as every bird on the goddamn planet warns every thing else that there just happens to be a cat prowling. And that’s not to mention the dive-bombing…
Correction: I’m getting a cat and a video camera that does time lapse sequences.
GRRRR! Them gawddamn mourning doves, with their incessant one-note whine. We had a nest of 'em in the vines alongside our house, and every damn minute, “wooooooooooo. woooooooooo. woooooooooo.” I thought about killing one and leaving its body as a warning to the others, but then I thought, what if more mourning doves show up and, you know, mourn it?