This is a pretty stupid rant, but some stories must be told.
So I’m walking down the hall yesterday, and this middle-aged woman is walking the other way. “Excuse me”, she whines in a plaintive yet abrasive voice. I wonder who she is talking to, as she is not looking anywhere near my direction. But I figure that since no one else is around, I may as well offer my help.
“Yes?” I inquire. She turns and stares at me like she’s some sort of moron staring at, well, me. She says nothing, just stares. After what seems like an eternity, I ask “How can I help you?”, figuring that she just needed some prodding. Like a cow.
“I was wondering if you could give me directions to somewhere”, she finally offers, as if I was an idiot for not reading whatever passes for her mind.
“Sure, glad to”, I say with a smile. Again with the staring. I begin to wonder if this is some sort of contest. I’m starting to get a little skeeved out. Figuring that it’s once again time to make my own contribution to this masterwork of conversation, I pipe up with a cheery “Where?”
Hoo baby. That set her off on a rampage. She snarled “WELL! THAT’S what I was a-BOUT to ex-PLAIN to you!”
Sounds to me like she really didn’t need directions, as that is her address. Maybe she wanted you to join her there?
I’m with Linus: I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand!
I worked briefly with someone who acted much like that. Turned out she was on some pretty serious medication. She used to walk up to doors and just stand there, like she couldn’t figure out what to do next. Eventually, someone would open the door, and then she’d walk on through.
I know this one! Snarly bitch is in a time slip. Things are moving much slower where she is. When you ask her a question, it takes longer for the sound waves to reach her. Before she can answer, you’re asking her another question.
Poor woman. Too bad you couldn’t recognize the situation. You didn’t see the wavy lines all around her? Wake up! Pay attention! There are signals, and it’s not her fault you missed them!!
First time in New York City. I ride the subway down to lower Manhattan. Up I come into the daylight. I’ve never been here, and I can’t tell which direction I’m facing. So I approach a woman who looks normal, reasonably well-dressed, like a commuter or something, and I say politely, “Excuse me - is that way towards Third Avenue?”
She turns aroound and literally screams at me, spittle flying from her lips: “Well, who told you to ask ME, that’s what I WANT TO KNOW!!”
My mom was waitressing at her restaurant one morning and she went up to take the order of a semi-elderly couple. The man ordered his breakfast in a matter-of-fact voice. Then it was his wife’s turn, and she looked up at my mom with her mouth slightly open. A few long moments passed, and my mom made a “hurry-up” gesture and said “hellloooo…” and all of the sudden, the woman said loudly “Ham and eggs!”
My mom found out later that she was recovering from a stroke and just learning to talk again. :eek!:
I have no idea what you are talking about, but I’m laughing.
This thread reminds me of a Thurber cartoon: woman lying on a couch, using a phone. She says (to the surprise of the male in the room): “Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?”
<curtain>
As to the difficulty you seem to have with penii–may I suggest Velcro? Works a treat, I assure you!
I thought you meant that she was going crazy. Except that she was already crazy. Get it? Going crazy? Needing directions?
Reminds me of that song, “Detachable Penis”. I think it’s by King Missile. Or something like that. I saw the video once when I was around 10 or 11, battling insomnia and as a result watching late night/early morning MTV.
(Just in case)