Shut up. Shut UP! SHUT UP!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I had to fly from San Diego to Sacramento after going to an
orthodontic appointment in SD. I like flying, I like air
travel, I like the airline I fly on (Southwest), but this
time I HATED the two complete idiots sitting
behind me.

Ever known someone who won’t stop talking? That was these
two, a hyper-perky 40ish bimbo of a corporate employee type
and a Yuppie computer programmer with either enough manners
or too few brain cells to notice that said woman was
talking absolute drivel. Said drivel consisted of 90+
minutes of talking about makeup and her job at a makeup
firm and other makeup related idiocy. And all this in a
voice loud enough to startle Heller Keller.

Look you two, I don’t mind you having a conversation on an
airplane, but when you talk from takeoff to the time I
leave the plane about nothing but the Wonderful Fucking
World of Makeup, do it in a voice that won’t drown out both
my headphones and the fucking jet engines!
Goddammit, you don’t know how close I came to grabbing the
inflight magazine and beating you two until the only
cosmetics you’ll come from that funeral home on Six Feet
Under!! I’m trying desperately to read my Roddy Doyle
book and you two babble about fucking Revlon and how much
eyeshadow Kim fucking Smithers or whoever uses on their
midmorning suicide inducingly perky local talk show. SHUT
UP! I’ve had relationships that were shorter than your
conversation! Nobody except you two fucking care about
any of what you are saying dammit! Be thankful nobody
complained about you, because I was about to when I
realized it wouldn’t do any fucking good because you’re too
stupid to realize that someone in a 90 mile radius might
not care about the intricate process of applying lipstick
to someone with a cleft lip!!!
FUCK YOU!

2

Uh…the software will word wrap for you. Really.

3

Two suggestions:

  1. They sell liquor on airplanes in wonderful, tiny little single servings. One ounce of bliss in a bottle.

  2. Ear plugs are your best friend.

4

I gotta meet this Heller Keller

5

Subject matter good, hatred good, excellent rant, insufficent use of “Fuck” “Fucking” et al., possibly because the ranter is a decent human being. With a little work and more frustration, could be olympic material.

b.

6

Sorry, I tried to
read the rant, but I cant
process information
presented in
that bizarre manner.

7

Which Roddy Doyle book?

8

The Commitments, actually.

And those of you who snipe at my posting style are advised to stuff it.

9

Come’on guys that has got to be one of the better lines, that I’ve read lately.

10

Look at the bright side: At least they were behind you, instead of on either side of you. There’s a joyride, and if they both happen to be 300 lbs, as they were in my tale of woe, well, let’s just say that had we made an emergency water landing it wouldn’t have been the worst part of the trip.

11

I got stuck next to some missionaries once, on a flight from Sydney to LA. Preliminary investigations were made to see if I could be converted. I was feeling a bit cranky, and told them God doesn’t exist. Instead of an argument, they got all sulky and shut up. Frozen silence for 20 hours trans-Pacific is quite nice, and they couldn’t bring themselves to ask me to let them through to get to the toilet, which cheered me up no end.

12

Sorry, 'Mandi mate, but I’ve never found earplugs to work at cancelling out annoying noise. Sure, the noise is filtered or dampened down, but never removed. I’m told it’s [Frick]something to do with the sound waves and the body and the hearing through our bodies, and the sinus cavities [/Frick] which all sounds perfectly logical to me.

I recently suffered through a mere three hour flight with non-stop talker. She was a woman across the aisle from me who was talking to her seat companion in an earnest slightly upset manner. Or so I thought.

I couldnt make out a word she was saying, as her head was turned away from me, but the urgent, somewhat distressed tone of voice carried VERY well, and I was conscious of her. She’ll find some release through talking it out, I thought to myself. Except, of course, she didn’t.

That earnest, confidential tone went on and on and on. Her companion hardly got to speak, because she dominated the conversation, earnestly, passionately, unceasingly.

After two hours I was ready to kill her.

I tried every way I could to not focus on her but on other things, to do relaxing exercises, to doze, listen to the headphones. But that buzz of distressed concern kept going and going and going.

Why is it men so seldom want to talk that hard for so long a time, to so little purpose? I mean we all know men gasbag, burt they also can sit in companionable silence for very long periods.

There was, I realised no problem. It was just a trick of the voice, probably developed to keep people attentive. Worked didn’t it?

I like quiet people, and I like people who stay home when I’m out.

Redboss

13

I can totally relate to the OP. I am a talker- non-stop at times, but I do NOT do it around groups of people, on airplanes, in theaters, or at restaurants. Although I love to talk, I don’t think my love of gabbing outweighs other people’s right to some peace and fucking quiet!

The first time I ever flew, I was whiteknuckle terrified, and I was all alone. These two assclown businessmen talked the whole goddamned time (and voices really carry on a plane, I discovered), and it about drove me to distraction. How the hell do people chatter so much, so loudly and have no idea that they’re driving people crazy with it??

Zette

14

Redboss said:

Amen, brother.

I’ve decided I’m just a grumpy curmudgeon. At 27. I was in a conversation yesterday with someone about how I’m completely lacking a maternal instinct. One person said, “Oh, you don’t like kids?” The other person wittily replied, “She doesn’t like people.”

I tried to deny it, I really did. But sometimes that’s such a damn accurate statement. And loud people are nearing the top of the list! Especially in a cramped area such as an airplane - you can’t get away!

15

That just reminded me of a bus trip my husband and I took to a football game. After much drinking and such during the day, the drunks piled back onto the bus for the trip home. (Three of them had been ejected from the stadium early for being disorderly and drunk)
It was dark out, people are trying to sleep a little or watch the in-flight (in-bus? in-transit?) movie, and this drunken pusbucket is in the back carrying on. And on. And on.

I was getting seriously torqued off, and generally I don’t have a problem saying “Hey- keep it down!”, but we were with some of my husbands co-workers and I didn’t want to embarass him. Little did I know…

After about an hour of this asshole singing, yelling, slurring and swearing, my husband (who is a scary looking individual, especially when he’s good and pissed) stood up in the aisle, pointed his finger at the guy and said "HEY! Shut the fuck up already! No one here wants to hear it, you stinking drunk! Any more out of you, and I’m coming back there!"

He sat down and we were all kind of speechless. (He very rarely loses it, but when he does, it’s a damned scary sight) The guy started protesting, but his friends shut him up fast. So I heard him back there grumbling a bit and his friends saying “Dude- that guy is gonna kick the shit out of us. Shut up!” and all of a sudden the drunk says (in a classic 4 year old pouty voice) “I’m never coming on this bus trip again!!!”

I started the wild applause, and it carried all the way up to the front, complete with whistles and hoots. He was mortified (as he should have been) and didn’t utter a sound the rest of the trip home. After he got off at the first stop, the trip organizer apologized and said he would no longer be welcome on his bus trips. He later thanked my husband for speaking up. (Which actually the organizer should have done)

Zette

16

I had to deal with a non-stop talker once, but it wasn’t during any travel. It was at work. I swear this woman loved to talk just to hear herself talk. We would be in a meeting, then the facilitator would ask if there were any questions, and this woman would just pipe right up and start gabbing about anything and everything… and it didn’t have to relate to the meeting either. We would all cringe when she would start up. She finally was fired because she would pawn off her work on others so she could go socialize.

17

I had to sit next to a guy who was graduate from a school I absolutely hate. I tried to be nice about it. Then he started hitting on me. He offered over and over again to buy me a drink, although he knew I wasn’t even of legal age to drink. I was 12 years younger than him and he was married. In fact, he was on his way to meet his wife. What a sick, sad man.