It’s not a chronic problem or anything, just an occasional one. Lately it’s been more common, but that’s because of a number of stresses in my life. Typically, though, my inability to sleep happens when my mind runs at a thousand miles an hour once I get into bed. And that’s pretty much what’s going on with attempting to sleep tonight.
There’s a very specific issue behind it. Last week I had a job interview - I’d like the job, and if it’s offered, I’m pretty sure I’ll take it. But right now, it’s completely out of my hands. I’ve done what I can to get the job, but I have no idea whether that’s good enough at all.
And so I was thinking that if I don’t get this, I’ve got to pick up something so I can keep paying the rent. Savings are basically depleted, so there are no other options. And that’s fine - I can work something that’s not in my field as I continue to look. But then I got worried that, say, I pick up a retail job or the like, just to pay the bills. But then I get caught up in that job - not loving it, but doing it, and I neglect the job search in my field. And then I’m right back where I was before I spent two years in graduate school: in a field that I hate, doing a job I don’t like, only this time around I’ve got a LOT more in student loans to pay off. And by the time I realize what I’ve done to myself, it’s so much more difficult to get a real job in my field, because I’ve been out of it. Yeah, that’s how my mind is working tonight.
I don’t think I’d handle that scenario very well. So I started thinking about that, and stressing about that. Honestly? I think it’s because I’m not in control of the current situation with the potential job that’s stressing me at the moment.
But I do need to sleep eventually, so I can go work at my student job (that ends the 17th) tomorrow.