Sigh my pity party post

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[QUOTE=tdn]
Turkey sausage, really bad tasting rice, and lots of veggies. About $11, and it will last me until next payday. And it’s fairly healthy.

I’d feel bad taking from a food bank. Hell, I’m accepting donations for one. I set it up, and the box is getting full. I’d much rather give to the donation that I’ve created than take from it.
[/QUOTE]

Hey, I think it’s great that you found an extra $8 and can swing it without the pantry. But I don’t think you should feel bad either way. Think about the people you’re collecting donations for - is it your goal to make them feel bad? I hope not. I hope it’s your goal to help people out who have fallen on rough times, whether it be for a week or a month. I hope it’s your intent to make them feel relief!

And believe me, I’m a constant donator to food pantries now, even though we’re barely “on our feet”! I’ve paid them back with interest, one can of corn at a time.

22

Litoris, if your kerosene heater breaks again, PM me. I bought one several years ago to have in the event of a winter power outage (we are all electric) and so far, it hasn’t even come out of the box yet. Ain’t that always the way?

I’ve been broke as fuck at Christmas before. It turned out well because of some anonymous donors who even gave us a stove. The place we were moving didn’t have one and we really needed it. They also bought toys for my kids. It’s one of my favorite memories now.

23

Being broke as fuck at Christmas time is something I’m very familiar with, so I can definitely sympathize. This year I’m actually doing okay, but I’m afraid to spend any money because something always happens- usually something breaks on my car around this time of year. Maybe by next weekend I’ll feel secure enough to go out and buy stuff, along with everyone else in town… that should be fun (not).

Og bless us, every one!

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HA! Got my Christmas bonus just now.

This should make my SDMB Secret Santa giftee very happy. :slight_smile:

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No Christmas bonuses here. And my bank balance was less than I thought it would be by a about 400 dollars. I forgot that I paid some bills and bought my mother’s birthday present. My propane tank is getting low, but not out, thank God for warm weather. This weekend I bought dog food, cat food and horse feed (see lower bank balance), so they’ll be fed - that’s important. But I have no idea how I’m going to afford much in the way of Christmas presents. I may have to use the credit card, although I hate that thought. I won’t even go into my dental woes. I’ve been thinking that ifI can somehow save the money, I could do some medical tourism to Mexico to have some major dental work done. Saving the money is the hard part.

StG

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I’m not quite broke as fuck, I’m ok as long as nothing goes wrong.

Litoris, I’m so pleased to read that you got your heating fixed and your bonus was good. It does me good to hear that things are looking up for you.

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Litoris, tdn, glad to hear that things are looking up. Sometimes the universe can be unexpectedly merciful.

Litoris, may your GMiL find peace and rest. Cherrie, sorry to hear about the need for the electrician.

We don’t get Christmas bonuses where I am; we get a profit-sharing payment (if we’re lucky), but that doesn’t happen untill after they close the books for the year and do all the paperwork, so it doesn’t show up until late March. Which means we have to get through performance reviews. :: shudder ::

Pity party? I’m suck as *&#$ of being alone. No SO, no chance of one. I was never all that attractive, and after I turned 40, I only became uglier. I gave up on the hope of love.

I’m thinking of doing something radically-different to break out of this prison of my fears and depression, though: going to volunteer downtown somewhere. If there’s one thing that will cause me to leave Toronto, it’s the number of beggars on the streets. Just giving them money on the street does not seem to help the situation. They scare me. Maybe if I serve in a soup kitchen or something, I can get over my fears and actually learn to do some good in the world.

:: pause ::

Huh. As I was writing this, Canadian Blood Services called, wondering whether I could make a platelet donation. I booked one for Jan 16th.

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[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Litoris, tdn, glad to hear that things are looking up. Sometimes the universe can be unexpectedly merciful.

Litoris, may your GMiL find peace and rest. Cherrie, sorry to hear about the need for the electrician.

We don’t get Christmas bonuses where I am; we get a profit-sharing payment (if we’re lucky), but that doesn’t happen untill after they close the books for the year and do all the paperwork, so it doesn’t show up until late March. Which means we have to get through performance reviews. :: shudder ::

Pity party? I’m suck as *&#$ of being alone. No SO, no chance of one. I was never all that attractive, and after I turned 40, I only became uglier. I gave up on the hope of love.

I’m thinking of doing something radically-different to break out of this prison of my fears and depression, though: going to volunteer downtown somewhere. If there’s one thing that will cause me to leave Toronto, it’s the number of beggars on the streets. Just giving them money on the street does not seem to help the situation. They scare me. Maybe if I serve in a soup kitchen or something, I can get over my fears and actually learn to do some good in the world.

:: pause ::

Huh. As I was writing this, Canadian Blood Services called, wondering whether I could make a platelet donation. I booked one for Jan 16th.
[/QUOTE]

Thanks! We got propane finally, so we are going to be ok until at least January. That gives my husband a month to fix the kerosene heater just in case. I figure if he doesn’t, then I will. As much as I prefer a man to do the icky stuff, I grew up poor and know how to make do when need be.

Volunteering is a great idea, and good on you for the platelet donation. I am disallowed from donating blood or plasma or anything that comes from a vein due to a very odd (and scary to the people who have to witness it) vaso-vagal response – I go into grand mal convulsions. It’s not every time, and it’s predictable enough that I can warn the tech so that they have enough time to remove the needle and get ready, but since many of the techs are not trained to deal with the convulsions, it’s just easier for Red Cross to tell me not to try to donate. I make my O+ husband donate for me :slight_smile:

For everyone else whose holiday is sucky – know that we have all been there at least once and if you need a sympathetic ear, I don’t usually have one, but I do on this issue!

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[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Pity party? I’m suck as *&#$ of being alone. No SO, no chance of one. I was never all that attractive, and after I turned 40, I only became uglier. I gave up on the hope of love.
[/QUOTE]

If you’re happy that way, then good on you and have a great (or mediocre) Christmas. But it sounds very much like you’re not happy.

You know what I’d like to see? And this is just me, so do what you want with your own life – but I’d love to see you make a New Years resolution to do whatever it takes to change your situation. I’d love for you to promise the board that in slightly less than a year, you’ll post an IMHO thread called “Would my girlfriend like this for a gift?” Making that commitment is the best gift you can give yourself.

I did that 16 years ago, and it was the most worthwhile thing I ever did in my life. Yes, it all came unravelled this past year, but as it turns out, that was actually a good thing. It was my wakeup call to strengthen what I’ve already done.

If you do decide to do that, I’m more than happy to help you out in any way I can.

Merry Christmas.

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[QUOTE=tdn]
If you’re happy that way, then good on you and have a great (or mediocre) Christmas. But it sounds very much like you’re not happy.

You know what I’d like to see? And this is just me, so do what you want with your own life – but I’d love to see you make a New Years resolution to do whatever it takes to change your situation. I’d love for you to promise the board that in slightly less than a year, you’ll post an IMHO thread called “Would my girlfriend like this for a gift?” Making that commitment is the best gift you can give yourself.

I did that 16 years ago, and it was the most worthwhile thing I ever did in my life. Yes, it all came unravelled this past year, but as it turns out, that was actually a good thing. It was my wakeup call to strengthen what I’ve already done.

If you do decide to do that, I’m more than happy to help you out in any way I can.
[/QUOTE]
tdn, thanks so much. Making that resolution is a very good idea (except it won’t be a “new year’s resolution” because if I do that, I’ll ignore it.

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[QUOTE=Sunspace]

Pity party? I’m suck as *&#$ of being alone. No SO, no chance of one. I was never all that attractive, and after I turned 40, I only became uglier.
[/QUOTE]

Really? Go to the mall and look at the ugly couples out there. They found each other. Unless you have some serious birth defect, someone out there will find you attractive - if not for your face, then for your wit, your creme brulee or your kindness.

Seriously, I’m not trying to give you the high school guidance counselor pep talk. Someone out there finds tubgirl attractive enough to masturbate to (if you don’t know what that means, for the love of god, don’t google it! Just trust me.).

Now that’s ugly.

And that’s hot. Good decision.

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[QUOTE=Sunspace]
tdn, thanks so much. Making that resolution is a very good idea (except it won’t be a “new year’s resolution” because if I do that, I’ll ignore it.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, well, when you make it you have to mean it. :wink:

I think it’s the only resolution I’ve ever kept.

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[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Now that’s ugly.
[/QUOTE]

Yep. I think he needs to reread this thread.

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[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Really? Go to the mall and look at the ugly couples out there. They found each other. Unless you have some serious birth defect, someone out there will find you attractive - if not for your face, then for your wit, your creme brulee or your kindness.
[/quote]
Crème brulée? Make that “homemade orange-pineaple-ginger ice cream”… :slight_smile:

This is the hardest thing to maintain faith about: that there may be a place for me, and someone to welcome me. If ever I needed a Christmas miracle, it would be one to find that faith*.

I found it by accident. If ever there was a time for brain bleach… :: shudder ::

Thanks. I did it in October and got to watch a movie and all. It still hurt, though.

[sub]*And I don’t mean church, so proselytisers, keep your paws off![/sub]

35

[QUOTE=tdn]
Yep. I think he needs to reread this thread.
[/QUOTE]
I’d forgotten about that thread. I was awful close to giving up two weeks ago. I’d written a note, a desperate cry for help, to my counselor. We pulled me out of it, but it’s still tricky going.

36

[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Crème brulée? Make that “homemade orange-pineaple-ginger ice cream”… :slight_smile:
[/QUOTE]

So… What’s your sign, baby?

Santa’s going to be very good to you this year. If you let him.

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Sunspace, if you’re seriously depressed, I would caution you against volunteering for something that might be too far out of your comfort zone just yet. It’s still a good idea but I’d suggest starting out with something you’d be more at ease with. Find an opportunity that fits a skill or talent you have or that you have an interest in and would like to learn more about. Something that you might feel more at ease with. Once you have some experience under your belt, then you can try a soup kitchen. If you have a therapist, maybe he or she can help you decide on a good option.

Google “Volunteer Toronto” like I did and you can find plenty of opportunities. This page seems to be a good place to start. Also, check out the craigslist.org volunteer page for Toronto. I see a few things there that might interest you.

I spent some of my 30’s and most of my 40’s battling severe depression. The last two years have been good and are getting even better. I don’t take medications any more and I’ve fairly recently found that going to work no longer fills me with the awful anxiety it once did. I just want you to know that it is possible to get though to the other side and feel like a normal human being. By the way, I’ve never found Mr. Right either. Maybe my New Year’s resolution should be to look harder for him.

My best wishes to those of you who are going though a rough time this holiday season.

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[QUOTE=Tikki]
Sunspace, if you’re seriously depressed, I would caution you against volunteering for something that might be too far out of your comfort zone just yet. It’s still a good idea but I’d suggest starting out with something you’d be more at ease with. Find an opportunity that fits a skill or talent you have or that you have an interest in and would like to learn more about. Something that you might feel more at ease with. Once you have some experience under your belt, then you can try a soup kitchen. If you have a therapist, maybe he or she can help you decide on a good option.
[/QUOTE]
Thanks, Tikki. That’s an aspect I hadn’t thought about. Definitely I will ask him about it. It’s time to see him anyways. I looked at a recruitment page for a local volunteer-finding org and they do all kinds of police checks and that’s when I thought about the vulnerable and suddenly realised how serious volunteering can be.

But I still want to do something about the beggars: to help the existing ones off the street and help keep new ones from entering the street. I hate hate hate the situation now.

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[QUOTE=tdn]
So… What’s your sign, baby?
[/QUOTE]
Neon. :smiley:

40

[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Neon. :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

Huh. Mine is “UNDER CONSTRUCTION.”

PM me. :slight_smile: