Sigh my pity party post

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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It’s been a bleak holiday season this year. This is a pity-party post, if you don’t want to allow me to feel sorry for myself anonymously, please exit now.

We’re broke as fuck this year. We were supposed to be very well off, as my husband was promised a FT position where he was working (bringing in a good $700/wk after taxes) and I pulled a 44 hour/week shift through 4th quarter. The position fell through for him. He hasn’t the best work ethic, and I just haven’t the energy to pit him over it right now, so suffice it to say that if he isn’t making “great” money, he doesn’t seem to care if he makes any money. We’re broke as fuck.

His grandmother, whom I adore (and there are damn few people about whom I say that) will most likely not make it through the holiday. It was a tradition that we spent Christmas Eve at her house and Christmas Day at our own. I do not want to go see her in the hospital, as I know how that works out (everytime I go to see someone who is doing poorly, death follows within a week), besides, she is writhing in a void of dementia and would not be the wonderful woman I love, so it would be pointless to all of us. I will miss her. My kids will miss her. My husband will miss her.

My company usually does a Christmas bonus. I counted on that bonus to buy my kids’ “Santa Claus” gifts (in our house, Santa buys the most expensive gifts). I waited patiently for word of said bonus. Finally, the beginning of the week, we got an email indicating

All week, we waited patiently. I opted for a paper check, assuming it would be handed out in the morning, like paychecks are (I usually do Direct Deposit, but because we’re broke as fuck and the bank wants their money…do the math). Direct deposit people have their money, our checks won’t be handed out until we leave for the day – 5:00. Guess what closes at 5:00? That’s right, the bank. I had counted on that check today for my son’s birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Guess who is going to have to borrow money for a birthday party? Yeh. To top it off, one of the 2 or 3 people with whom I actually talk and get along got in trouble for telling me her DD was in the bank – WTF? Now we can’t talk about our personal finances? We didn’t discuss the amount of her bonus – of course it’s more than mine will be, she’s been here longer! Fuck. Anyway.

Thanks to being broke as fuck, we can’t afford propane for our heaters. We have no heat. We have a kerosene heater, but guess what? It doesn’t work and the husband with the great work ethic? Yeh, he can’t (or won’t) fix it. So, we shiver under an electric blanket at night, and hover over the oven while getting ready for school/work. On the weekends and after work, we wear long pants, sweaters gloves and hats INSIDE. Fuck.

Our plumbing was fucked up. I asked my husband three months ago to try and figure out why everything was slow-draining. He didn’t care. Finally, when the tub was full of backed up washing machine water and **he **couldn’t shower, he checked. Seems there was a clog, and that’s cleared, but we will need the septic tank drained at the first of the year – let’s hope it takes that long.

My washing machine (8 years old) has been making a funny noise. The transmission on it locked up yesterday. A new transmission costs about $200 for the make/model I have. A new washer will cost $300 for that model. We can’t afford either.

I had a tooth break 2 months ago. It is pretty much nothing but a very thin shell of a tooth on the inside – I can’t smile or I look like shit, thanks to a missing tooth. I can’t afford to see a dentist to fix it even if I could get a day off work to do so. At least it’s not painful. I say that, but hey, the day is young yet. The best part? It broke on a piece of chewing gum. I have some fucked up genetic thing that makes all of my teeth exceedingly weak.

Usually, I am the strong one, but today I am being a pussy. I am over it. I have sat here at my desk crying all day, because I am seriously at my wit’s end. I can’t take much more without something working out right. I just need to feel sorry for myself and let it out so I can go back to being the one who fixes everything with bubblegum and fucking duct tape. Honestly, the worst part is that I am literally worth more dead than alive. Fuck.

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I don’t have the words, so a simple, “I feel for you” will have to suffice. I hope things improve for you shortly.

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Fuck indeed, as in “Fuck that shit”. Your worth and value as a person is hard as hell to seperate from your checking account balance when you’re down on your luck but you are in no way, shape, or from worth more dead than alive and don’t you forget it dear.

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I’m sorry, Litoris. This is a hard time of year to be down on your luck. I hope your grandmother-in-law pulls through and that your finances get fixed in short order.

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Oh dear, I’d sympathize, but I’m too busy empathizing. I too am broke as fuck. I’ve already had to tell my family that they are getting no gifts from me this year. They’re all good with it, but still it feels like shit. I seriously don’t know how I’m going to make it through the week on what I have, and that’s assuming that there are no unexpected charges to my account.

At least I don’t have the tooth problems that you have. That’s partly because of the root canal I had earlier this week, the copayment of which I thought I could make. Unfortunately, right at that time an unexpected charge came through, and although it was small, it put my balance in the negative. Fortunately, that was just before payday. Unfortunately, that kicked off a serious black hole of rolling insufficient funds charges. One day after payday, I’m flat broke. I don’t know how I’m going to eat, much less get in to work. I’m hoping that my Christmas bonus will show up early in the week, when it can do the most good. I’m pretty sure it won’t.

This has absolutely been the most stressful holiday season of my entire life. Happy holidays my ass.

For me, life begins on the 22nd, when I can be in the company of loved ones who will feed me, cart me around, and let me use their laundry facilities.

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What Exit?, thank you. Things will improve. Eventually. No words were needed, this was just an out for me to get over myself and back to work fixing things.

Cluricaun – I appreciate the kind words, but you don’t know me. I really am worth more dead than alive in every sense of the words, but that is a pity party for those who have to live with me, not mine.

pbbth – thank you. She will not “pull through.” This has been a downhill road for her. She has had diabetes for a long time. Her health began to deterioate 2 years ago. It has been a relatively slow process, but at 80-some odd years old, it’s a matter of when, not if. She recently got a cold, which progressed to dehydration and then a series of mini-strokes in the hospital. The woman I knew and adored is pretty well gone, she is just a shell of a body wracked with dementia. She doesn’t recognise her own sons, it would break my heart to know that she didn’t know me.

tdn – thank you. I have found that this year is a hard year for many of us. I am not the only person I know having major financial issues. The one girl with whom I am friendly (who got her ass chewed for mentioning her DD was in the bank) was diagnosed with cervical cancer, but because of attendance problems earlier in the year (a nasty, and I mean nasty divorce – including assualt by her husband’s pregnant girlfriend), she can’t schedule her surgery to remove it until January. Lovely, huh?

I keep reminding myself that thing could easily be worse. Like I said, this is just my personal pity party. Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

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I didn’t know my husband had a brother…

I am sorry for your troubles. If I could, I’d help you, but we’re barely above water over here as well. How does one tell an accountant (a CPA, no less) that one cannot spend what one does not have? I’ve been trying for some time now–it’s not sinking in. <sigh>

I hope the weather warms up at least for you. Can someone else look at the kerosene heater?

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Thanks! Actually, I will be calling around to see which of my friends (ex-lovers, trust me this will tick the husband off muchly) know anything about kerosene heaters. Something will be heating my house by the end of the weekend.

The season just got better as I have just been handed my bonus check and it is about twice what I expected. Thank the gods.

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Hey **Hal ** perfected the sending of “Good Doper Wishes”, maybe we can extend that to you and hope your heat gets fixed, your GMIL goes quietly and peacefully and that your husbands comes out of a depressive/low energy stage after the holidays end.

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Awesome!

OK, I’m off to the grocery store to see if I can find a way to feed myself for a week on three dollars. And healthfully, at that.

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Three dollars? For a week or just a coupla days? If for a week, lemme tell ya 1lb of ground turkey ( .89), 1 bag of baby carrots ( .99) and 5lb bag of potatoes ($1.50) – stew ROCKS! just brown the turkey, chop the potatoes and carrots and cover with water. Season with salt & pepper and it lasts 1 person about a week :slight_smile: Can ya tell I’ve been poor a large part of my life?

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Beans and brown rice, m’friend. Much suckitude, but it’ll keep you going. You can also call your local churches and see if they have a short-term food pantry; you don’t have to be a member of the church to get access, and it’s a lot easier to qualify than for food stamps. That fed my son and I for a few months when things were really tight. (They sometimes got the weirdest donations, too. I was making $6 an hour, and we ate ground venison thrice a week for three months, because the exotic meat store donated 100 chubs of frozen ground venison, and no one else would take it! We had venison meat loaf, venison sloppy joes - even venison Hamburger Helper, for goodness’ sake!)

I wish I had a pony, so I could sell her and PayPal you guys a third each. :frowning: I’m counting my blessings that I was able to get each of my two kids at least one cool thing this year, and that we’re all healthy.

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Sorry to hear about that, Litoris. I’ve been in the same boat for sure.

Doesn’t bad luck suck ass?

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Thanks. Sadly, this is why it’s a pity party. Aside from my husband’s grandmother, none of it is luck. It is all perfectly treatable, fixable stuff. It will get fixed. I appreciate the kind words, though.

WhyNot – you’re so sweet. And yeh, I second the pantry thing, tdn, you might be surprised at some of the stuff you end up with from one of those.

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Oh, can I join? My mother (my entire family actually) lives in Oklahoma. They had a massive ice storm move through there last week that has knocked out power to most of Tulsa, including my mothers home. She has been without power for over five days now. I contacted American Electric Power (AEP) to get an estimate on how long it would be until it’s fixed. Turns out, the line running to mother’s home has been brought down by ice laden branches and that is not AEP’s responsibility to fix.

My mother is recently widowed, and on a fixed income. No one in my family in the immediate area can help her. Guess who gets to pay the electrician to come and reattach the line? That’s right, me, the daughter who lives eight freaking hours away. Not her sisters, not her other children, me. All the money I have saved for Christmas out the window thanks to freaking mother nature. It’s going to be an oh so joyous holiday season, I can tell.

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I got a couple of pretty cheap electric space heaters at Wal-Mart. They are awesome, and even the small one heats a big room all by itself.

This is the small one I have and it’s $18.44 at Wal-Mart. I swear, this thing is awesome.

Good luck, I have been there (broke as fuck)… it sucks severely.

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Litoris, check your PMs.

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Turkey sausage, really bad tasting rice, and lots of veggies. About $11, and it will last me until next payday. And it’s fairly healthy.

I’d feel bad taking from a food bank. Hell, I’m accepting donations for one. I set it up, and the box is getting full. I’d much rather give to the donation that I’ve created than take from it.

I still need to sock a little money away for a holiday party at PF Chang’s. Their website doesn’t list prices, so I’m hoping that around $30 will cover me. I owe my Secret Santa giftee something. I was going to make her a necklace, but no way can I afford the materials. She’s going to have to settle for this. I already had the materials, even though I had to cannibalize the frame and mat from something I had hanging on my wall. (The linked photo kind of looks like shit, but the actual framed item looks fairly… not quite like shit. Hey, she gets what she gets, and if she doesn’t like it, she’s free to throw it out or hide it in her attic.)

My SDMB Secret Santa giftee is going to have to wait until the 13th hour for his or her gift. If I send it by Priority Mail, it might arrive somewhere between the 24th and 27th. Sorry. But I promise, it will be awesome, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

My Special Christmas Friend might just have to go giftless. :frowning:

My biggest expense over the next few days is going to be cigarettes. I’m going to quit by Tuesday at the latest, that much I’ve planned on for several months. But it would be best to quit out of pure choice, and not because I’m stressing over the fact that I can’t afford stress relievers.

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This is why I admitted I was only whining. Things could be worse.

Update: I got my bonus, and it was much larger than expected, so we will be fine. The husband got cold enough sitting around the house yesterday (his day off) that he fixed the kerosene heater :smiley:

For those who have offered kind thoughts, I really appreciate it. I just needed to feel sorry for myself, you know?

Tully Mars – thanks for the kind PM. I replied. You rock. 'Nuff said.

Things always work out, I just let it all get to me when I heard that my washer was dead. Silly, I know, but that was my realisation of adulthood – when I bought that washer/dryer set, and it was just a last straw, how stupid, eh?

Anyways. tdn if you need some cheap ideas for food or food gifts, let me know. I am the queen of cheap :slight_smile: That painting is great, and your giftee should be very impressed.

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Thank you, sweetie. Look for my e-mail. :slight_smile: