*Sigh* My Uncle's Probably Dying (Sad)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In an earlier thread, I mentioned that my uncle had cancer - everywhere. Face, brain, lung, kidney bones. He’s been declining pretty steadily for about two months now, but has rapidly gotten worse in the last two weeks. They suspected liver failure two weeks ago, and his doctor gave him a month to live. Initially she had said two weeks to two months, then up to a year. It seems as though her first guess wasn’t far off.

He’s back in the hospital as of yesterday. Slipping in and out of conciousness and hallucinating. Luckily, four of the siblings live within an hour or two, and my mom and her baby sister raced up this afternoon after getting the call.

He has asked (or made known) that we nieces and nephews not come up. So we won’t. I don’t even know if my job would “let me” right now, as the other half of our accounting department is on vacation in South America and won’t return until December 3. We’re not real busy right now, so I can hope. Well, I should say that they can hope it’s on a weekend, 'cause I’m going. Whenever, you know?

I’ve been having a hard enough time keeping myself together lately, knowing that this Thanksgiving (that we planned on going up to Michigan for) would be his last. And now he may not even make it that long. Luckily we have a conference room at work that’s usually empty, so I can disappear throughout the day as I need to.

My coworkers have been really considerate about my mood swings and abrupt tears, but I just can’t help thinking about something one of the older guys (late 50s - 60s) said the other day. “You know, there are plenty of people walking around who were ‘supposed to be’ dead years ago.” My morbid that which followed was, “Yeah, but there’s probably more people dead who should’ve been around for a whole lot longer!”

Yeah, yeah - it’s not in our hands, God has a plan, everything happens for a reason. Normally, I’m a staunch supporter of such ideas, but right now is the time when I’m thinking “must be a pretty shitty plan for my uncle!!!”

Well, I’ve gotta go to the store (of all things) and buy bird food. I’m sure I’ll be back.

2

It sounds as if you really care about your uncle. I’m so sorry you are hurting. Good for you that you will go, no matter what the job says. As my mother says, she will have some really pointed questions to ask of God when she finally gets to heaven(concerning “plans” and all).

Take care of yourself.

3

I’ll keep you in my thoughts. Kudos for your courage.

4

Is he getting enough pain and anti-nausea meds? Hospitals sometimes tend to under-medicate, unless there are relatives present to go all Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment on their ass.

5

Eve, I’m not sure if there’s any way for them to know how he’s feeling. He’s not really coherent or responsive, as far as I know. Last I saw him, he had morphine patches and pills. He has four sisters up there to go all Shirly MacLaine on their asses, so I’m sure that they’ll get someone to listen. My mom’s spending the night in his room tonight. I may try to call her before I go to bed, but I know we’ll both break down on the phone.

I just talked to my brother, and the “official” word is that he more than likely won’t see Thanksgiving. So, I may not get to see him, here, again.

Last I saw, he had lost weight, and some of his hair. He managed to drive himself the four hours down from Michigan one Friday morning, and we saw him Saturday afternoon, the weekend before Halloween. We met him, my brother, and my dad at a pub on the Northside for some late lunch. My best friend was having her Halloween party that night, so we didn’t go to my aunt’s house for the get-together. The hard part was watching him eat. His esophagus is partially paralyzed, so he had to take a drink after pretty much every swallow of food. Oh God it hurt just to watch him try to eat chicken wings and chili. But thankfully, we have some nice photos from our trip up there a month or so ago on the lake.

I’ve never lost a close family member before. My grandparents all passed by the time I was ten, and I was never close to any of them. My husband’s grandpa died in January, but I barely knew him. My friend’s dad died in July, and while I always called him Dad, it was sudden, so there wasn’t all this long-term stuff to deal with.

It just sucks. Big time.

6

Well, I just talked to my mom. Apparently, he is “with it” mentally now. They gave him some more meds, and he is talking and joking again. Right now, he’s getting the first real sleep he’s had in two days. However, his doctor still says a week. When we go to Michigan next week, it won’t be for a fun family Thanksgiving.

He has had a private pastoral conference, and made his peace. He’s ready to go, I guess. They’re going to talk to him about in-home hospice care tomorrow. If we go up this weekend, that will be part of our visit since they can’t give 24 hour nursing care. I guess that’s a good thing. I understand that when my husband’s grandpa died this January, Grandma was able to see that his body was done and needed to let go because she cared for him for weeks at home with little or no help.

Maybe that would help me to cope - to see how it really is time for him to go. I just don’t know.