Over the past six months I met someone online who I started to get close with. I have a personal rule about internet relationships- the fact is I am extremely cynical about the whole thing (of course I could be biased, since I had a long-distance relationship that fell apart).
I’ve been single for a long time, and lonely. A lot of the people I met who I was romantically attracted to were never romantically attracted back. So even though I was lonely, I kind of just gave up even trying. Then I started talking to a girl on a messageboard- from the start I knew the whole thing could be a big deception/letdown for me. But having aim conversations with this person made me feel that she was very genuine.
We spent a lot of time chatting on instant messenger and I got to learn a lot about her life. She mentioned she had a boyfriend (bummer!) but from the sound of her situation, she wasn’t that close with him- she said he was moody, had cheated on her, was never around, etc. The skeptic in me worried she was giving me some exaggerated tale to get my attention, but I kept talking with her. She was in poor health, and worried about dying of brain-related problems (she had some congenial defect and had several brain hemoragges in her life). In a wierd way, I found this fascinating in that she kind of had to live every day like it would be her last.
I didn’t hear from her for a while and was worried something happened to her. She came back online about a month later recovering from medical problems, and mentioned she was getting married. I’ll be honest in saying that I was disappointed to her it- I really liked her a lot and got close to her in a way I had tried to avoid for six years. On the message board, someone else went off the deep end about in in a jealous snit and I discovered that I wasn’t the only guy on the board that had feelings for her.
I tried not to be delusional about it- I really tried to think about it in a realistic way, but the fact is she made me feel all wishy-washy and I haven’t felt like that in such a long time I just acted like a gullible idiot. Seems there were quite a few admireres talking to her on aim but it was clear she wasn’t really interested in all of us- it was an escape for her and a way to spend the time (stuck at home because of medical problems, can’t work). It is kind of wierd that I am sad about it even though I had nothing to lose/nothing invested in pursuing things…I guess I just haven’t been that interested in a woman romantically in a long time
That really sucks…it’s not the end of the world though.
Do you get out much? Don’t forget that it’s pretty hard to become romantically attracted to a woman when you never meet any.
If you’re really shy or don’t like painting the town red maybe you could find a nice bar or hang out spot you like and start going there often. Go with a friend or a few friends the first couple times and then start going by yourself if your friends don’t want to go anymore. I promise you won’t be able to avoid meeting lots of cool people.
Also trust me when I say that it doesn’t matter how old you are. When I was a teenager we accepted the 40 and 50 year olds that hung around the same places we did just as if they were our age.
While it is always disappointing when things don’t work out, try to be grateful that you got to enjoy that feeling for the time that you had it. Just keep looking. I guarantee you can find someone just as good or better.
I never thought I would get over my last love, because I had been attached to him for so many years…yet, all of a sudden, I met someone even better who made me wonder what I ever saw in the first guy. Now, things probably still won’t work out with this latest guy (long story not worth getting into!) but I’m not letting that get me down. I am just trying to enjoy the way it feels to be excited about someone again while it last. There will be others, after all.
I was suckered by a fella who told me he’d broken up with his control freak bitch from hell GF - turned out he’d had [yet another] fight with her over something, so he decided to get his own back by finding another GF online and letting his RL GF ‘accidently’ find out … One jealous hissy fit from her and a “ha I could so find someone else” from him and they got back together. To add insult to injury he insisted he’d never at any time told me he was single or available or looking for someone and he “couldn’t understand” what I was getting in such a mood about … :mad:
I think any situation where a person I was romantically attracted towards winds up marrying someone else is kind of hard to cope with. It just feels like a very strong flavor of rejection, kind of makes me feel like they are saying “I dont like you nearly as much as this person”.
I used to think my dry spell was because I don’t play the field- I don’t actively pursue potential leads because of shyness or whatnot. But this past online correspondence made me realize there was something else to it- that there aren’t that many people I’m really romantically attracted to. I guess it feels a little better to think that there are probably plenty of girls out there in the same situation, and that possibly for every time I will meet someone who I’m romantically attracted towards, there will be another situation where someone will like me more than I like them (though personally I haven’t been aware of anybody even liking me that much.
Sometimes the desire to be liked seems to override the desire for true happiness. I think that is the reason people get sucked into miserable relationships- the person could be a total asshat but they stay solely because the person likes them.
How did I know this thread was about a girl before I opened it? The question I have is do you think you learned anything from this experience that will keep you from another failed six month long emotional cyber yo-yo non-relationship?
I hope I’m not the only one!! I get what you mean about not feeling attracted to others/having people feel attracted to you, happens to me all the time, there’s any number of fellas out there who fancy me that I wouldn’t want to be with (in any sense of the expression), and there are just as many fellas whom I would want to be with, who take restraining orders out against me …
I think you’re overeacting. Did you ever even meet this girl in person? Did you talk on the phone? Exchange pictures?
I’ve met a few girls online but we have tended to meet in person right away. It is very difficult to find out how you feel about a person just by online correspondence and - though I suppose it is possible - I tend not to waste my time doing it.
