Signs that you are nuts

I have monsters under my bed. When I’m sitting on the edge of my bed playing my guitar, I sometimes get the sudden idea that arms will come out from underneath the bed and grab my ankles. So I have to pull my legs up onto the bed.

I guess monsters under the bed is OK if you’re four years old, but I’m 32.

Luckily, Monsters Under the Bed, while capable of chewing off my toes, are rendered impotent by the protective powers of a top bedsheet.

My monsters are afraid of light.

Everyone knows monsters under the bed, is like Fight Club. When you speak of them, they grow in size. Say their names, and they double!

I’ve become obsessed with pulling the USB connection from the cooling unit to the laptop whenever we leave the house. It’s a low-V motor, so why do I think it might cause a fire? :smack:

Welcome to the Jungle. :cool:

**Signs that you are nuts **

You are lightly salted and loosely packed in a container with Mr. Peanut on the outside. Look around you, if you do not see any pecans or cashews, then you are just plain nuts.

But hold hope. It is possible you are not nuts but are legumes instead.

I still worry about under-bed monsters, and I’m 53. :slight_smile:
Also toilet monsters, that come up to grab you when you’re using the loo in the middle of the night.

I think it’s one reason I have dogs. I figure the dogs will alert me to the presence of Scary Monsters.

The monster under my bed is huge, furry, blue, and sounds just like John Goodman. We try to crack each other up with the dirtiest jokes we can think of.

Where are the monsters? Where are the monsters? I wanna see 'em! Do they have fur? Do they have scales? What colors are they? What shapes are they? Are they upright like bears? Are they flat like alligators? I loved animals when I was a kid, and I figured monsters were just animals nobody had ever seen before. And why were they hiding from me? If they were dangerous, they’d come out and attack or something, right? So why are they so shy? So how’d they get in my closet without my parents seeing them in the house? Huh? Huh? :confused: :wink:

Compendium of potential signs that you may be nuts:

1960’s-era song “You Need An Analyst” (lyrics) by Allan Sherman.

(Chances are, you could find it on youtube also.)

I’m not scared of the monsters under the bed, I trust my cats to take care of them.

I am however, unreasonably afraid to stand next to curb gutters. The ones with the grates that will allow an evil clown to grab me by the ankle and pull me down to float.

I was afraid of them even before I read the book.

34 here.

Feed them. The monsters under my bed get fed on a daily basis. In fact I have been caring for my monsters since I was 4 years old and I am now 43 and I started with a Daddy monster and a Mommy monster and now I have 5th generation monster under my bed.

But I fear due to inbreeding I shall lose them altogether, like not dissimilar to Earth’s royal families…

Is anyone interested in creating or starting a monster-breeding program? You would be helping me out immensely.

Perhaps they are attracted to your oversized feet?

Or you are one of those springy snakes which shoot out of the container when someone opens it.

Says the poster self-called Martian Bigfoot. Just sayin’…

I don’t have monsters under my bed but I can’t let my legs hang off any of the edges because a large guillotine will come down & cut them off. And I’m in my 50’s.

No monsters under my bed, but there are sharks in the pool after dark.

I am terrified of open, deep water. Not a fear of drowning. Not a fear of sharks.

A fear of kraken.

Whether in fresh or salt water, as depth increases and I can’t see the bottom–or it starts to get lost in shadows–mild tingly panic starts to creep in. I know it’s not rational, I know their Lovecraftian tentacles don’t exist, yet I cannot shake the unease and reptilian fear.

I’ll be over in the pool. No, wait, I’ll be at the bar.

Reminds me of this ninja story:

But I’m sure you don’t have that kind of toilet :slight_smile:

Um, excuse me, but monster precautions are just simple common sense, hello. You can’t stand right next to the bed to get in, you have to jump from about a foot away, so they can’t grab your ankles while climbing in. And of course you can’t let any body parts dangle over the side…that’s just asking for it.

45 years old, here. Yup.