I have monsters under my bed. When I’m sitting on the edge of my bed playing my guitar, I sometimes get the sudden idea that arms will come out from underneath the bed and grab my ankles. So I have to pull my legs up onto the bed.
I guess monsters under the bed is OK if you’re four years old, but I’m 32.
Where are the monsters? Where are the monsters? I wanna see 'em! Do they have fur? Do they have scales? What colors are they? What shapes are they? Are they upright like bears? Are they flat like alligators? I loved animals when I was a kid, and I figured monsters were just animals nobody had ever seen before. And why were they hiding from me? If they were dangerous, they’d come out and attack or something, right? So why are they so shy? So how’d they get in my closet without my parents seeing them in the house? Huh? Huh?
Feed them. The monsters under my bed get fed on a daily basis. In fact I have been caring for my monsters since I was 4 years old and I am now 43 and I started with a Daddy monster and a Mommy monster and now I have 5th generation monster under my bed.
But I fear due to inbreeding I shall lose them altogether, like not dissimilar to Earth’s royal families…
Is anyone interested in creating or starting a monster-breeding program? You would be helping me out immensely.
I am terrified of open, deep water. Not a fear of drowning. Not a fear of sharks.
A fear of kraken.
Whether in fresh or salt water, as depth increases and I can’t see the bottom–or it starts to get lost in shadows–mild tingly panic starts to creep in. I know it’s not rational, I know their Lovecraftian tentacles don’t exist, yet I cannot shake the unease and reptilian fear.
I’ll be over in the pool. No, wait, I’ll be at the bar.
Um, excuse me, but monster precautions are just simple common sense, hello. You can’t stand right next to the bed to get in, you have to jump from about a foot away, so they can’t grab your ankles while climbing in. And of course you can’t let any body parts dangle over the side…that’s just asking for it.