I met a very busty woman a while back wearing a nametag that read, “Pat”.
So I did.
SouthernStyle
While we’re at it, what the fu is a Jake Brake?
I always liked the signs you see in New Hampshire: Frost heaves. Thatds be something to see.
To elaborate on one mangeorge brought up, I’ve seen doors with signs saying “DOOR MUST REMAIN CLOSED AT ALL TIMES.” Doesn’t this defeat the purpose of having a door there?
Also, anything that misuses quotation marks, but someone else has covered this a lot better: http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/
No, it means if you have any in the car to pull over, kick them out, and set them free. I think they have this sign in front of Michael Jackson’s house.
Cranky,
Jake’s Brakes is a little shop on South Monroe street in Tallahasse, Florida.
Does that clear it up? Or do you need the phone number? 
SouthernStyle
SouthernStyle, LOL.
Reminds me of some crack Erma Bombeck made once, about how, at some public function, she got a nametag pasted over one breast that said “My name is Erma”, and she asked, “So what shall we call the other one?” But yours was way funnier.
Cranky, me too! What the heck is jake braking? I’ve seen these signs in two different cities while traveling, and still haven’t the faintest idea of what I was forbidden to do. When I saw the first one I thought it was some quirky localized thing, but there were lots of official traffic department signs like this all over the place, and later I saw them again in a different city. If there’s anyplace to get an answer to this chronic mystery, this must be it. Anyone?
Jake brakes are the braking system they have on those big diesel trucks. The ones that go “WAAAAAAAA”, loudly and long-ly at every stop sign. Those trucks have regular brakes as well, but Jakes are, I think more efficient and don’t wear out like regular brake pads. So you CAN stop your truck with regular brakes, quietly, in a longer distance, or put on the jakes and stop sooner with more noise. Those signs are usually in residential area. I’m sure someone will have a much better explanation of the technicalities than I do!
Remember those old (80’s) cars? “Your door is ajar.”
No. . . it’s a DOOR.
The Jake Brake, made by Jacobs Vehicle Systems, turns the engine of the vehicle into a compressor. The valves on the engine reverse themselves, so instead of the compression of the engine providing power to the wheels, it sucks the power from them. They activate when you take your foot off of the accelerator. The Jake Brake on our ladder (33 tons) works so well that going 45 down a hill about a 1/2 mile long, if you take your foot off the gas halfway down, the truck will almost stop itself by the traffic light at the bottom. Of course, you can use the normal brakes, too, but the Jake slows you down much easier.
For more on Jake Brakes:
http://www.jakebrake.com/
Holiday Inn has a promotion that says “Kids Stay Free All Weekend”, so I dropped mine off on Friday night and came back to get them Monday AM. Best weekend I’ve had in a long time.
“The door is ajar.”
“The door is ajar.”
I was saving that one for post #50. Rats.
How about a sign that I’d LIKE to see:
On a nascar track: NO RIGHT TURNS.
lame. (& apologies)
SouthernStyle
I saw a poster once that said “Stop Racism Now!”…I was hoping they meant Nascar.
Truth in advertising:
NASCAR – The WWF of motorsports.
SouthernStyle
“Void where prohibited” is apparently not an instruction.
A sign in a burger place in El Cerrito, CA.
“Open 'til closed, closed 'til open.” And they meant it.
An oldie, from a pizza joint when I was a kid in Bakersfield, CA.
“Breakfast served all day” If you asked for breakfast, they offered you cold pizza.
Another door sign.
“Keep Door Locked at all times” Guess they want to make sure you can’t get out.
Peace,
mangeorge
“Please turn off lights when not in use.”
Um…if the lights are on, aren’t they in use??
I’m a big fan of “Open Joints on Bridge,” complete with a picture of a motorcycle. Always makes me think of Easy Rider.
I’ve always wondered about “All you can eat - $10 (or whatever price)”. Do they mean “shovel food into your mouth until you split wide open for one low price”, or “we’ll cut you off when you’ve eaten your ten bucks’ worth”?
Steven Wright once said he walked into a restaurant that had a sign reading, “Breakfast Served Anytime”, so he ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
“We would like to begin the preboarding.” What’s preboarding? Getting on before you get on?
“Get on the plane…” Fuck you, I’m getting IN the plane! There seems to be less wind in here!
“Passengers travelling with small children…” What about passengers travelling with large children?
“…a non-stop flight to Chicago.” Well, I don’t care for that. No, I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.
“Place the mask over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.” I always breathe normally in a 400 mph free-fall. I also SHIT MY PANTS normally.
“Welcome to Chicago…” How can this woman welcome me to a place she hasn’t even arrived at herself?
“…where the local time…” Oh. I thought you were going to give me the time in Pago Pago.
“Enjoy your stay in Chicago, or wherever your final destination may be.” ALL destinations are final. If you haven’t reached your destination, you haven’t stopped yet.
“Please continue to observe the no-smoking sign until you are well inside the terminal.” This is impossible to do. It is not physically possible to observe the no-smoking sign even if you are just outside the door of the plane, let alone well inside the terminal. You can’t even see the plane from well inside the terminal!