“Afraid” implies abusive. Not necessarily strict.
This is really strange. I was raised by very permissive parents. I had no chores, never even learned to do most household tasks because I never had to, had no curfew, watched massive amounts of T.V. without restrictions, was very rarely yelled at or punished, and was encouraged to go out and have fun with my friends.
Yet many of the items on the list describe me perfectly. I am absolutely paranoid about making mistakes. I fear authority figures. I constantly fear being rejected. I create rules for myself, and then blame myself when I can’t live up to them. I can’t yell or use curse words.
All of these things have been a part of me since I was very young. My parents often told me to lighten up, and encouraged me not to worry so much and not to be so “rigid” about following rules.
I don’t know what this means, except that while the items on the list can be a result of being raised in a strict environment, it’s not necessarily always the case.
I found a lot to relate to in this list. I was raised in a very strict and also abusive household. Leaving aside the overt abuse, I had the kind of upbringing where I was grounded for a year for knocking a stapler off a desk and waiting too long before I picked it up (technically the reason was ‘‘a consistent pattern of disrespect,’’ but whatever. She went apeshit about the stapler and I argued with her about it because she was acting fucking crazy.) In fourth grade, my mother came and picked me up from school in the middle of class and drove me home to take care of a pair of scissors. I was also pulled out of school to rewash dishes that had water spots on them after I dried them. Nothing I ever did was good enough and no amount of effort was sufficient to avoid a verbal tirade which eventually became an explosive confrontation which eventually became my mother destroying property, forcing me to stay with relatives for periods of time because she couldn’t deal with me, and threatening to kill me. My childhood was a constant hell of trying not to set her off, and failing.
I spent a great deal of time at my Aunt’s house and it frustrated the hell out of her trying to meet my basic needs, because I would never speak up when I was hungry, and would ask permission to do virtually anything, like get a drink of water, well into my teens. Apparently, I still have a little bit of this, because I lived with her last summer for a brief time and severely injured my foot. I thought there was a good probability it was broken but she didn’t respond to my (not very loud) calls for help so I assumed she was asleep. I didn’t want to disturb her so I just posted about it on Facebook (like I do everything) and then my Grandmother (who lived next door) came over to drive me to the hospital. My Aunt was absolutely horrified that I was injured in the next room and she didn’t know it.
It’s interesting, because I certainly have mental issues as a result of my upbringing, but I also have friends with less strict upbringings who are anxiety prone or have a lot of these same issues. Sometimes we just turn out mentally messed up regardless of the kind of upbringing we had.
Yeah, my parents weren’t what I’d call “strict”, but I wasn’t allowed to swear as a kid. (Hell, my mother still complains that I swear too much.)
Another symptom: You feel that it is not good enough to get something that you want, simply because you want it. You have to come up with a good justification if you want something.
So it’s not just enough to play soccer with your friends because it’s fun. “Fun” isn’t good enough. You have to justify it with, it’s exercise good for your body, etc. You can’t just go watch a movie because it’s ***enjoyable ***- “enjoyable” isn’t good enough. You have to justify it with, well, it’s a meaningful movie, it tells a good message, it’s educational, etc.
This sort of mental conditioning can infiltrate to a really deep level.
I was raised to believe I was in a normal family/household, but …
Yikes!
I noticed that most of the statements implied things parents did or didn’t do.
What about things siblings did or didn’t do?
I was the youngest. I was always told I got off easy, but after reading the list, I may have been given a slight break from my parents, but not from my five older siblings…
I grew up in a household that instilled that sort of conditioning, and while it’s certainly had its benefits, it ruined personal relationships for quite a few years until I “caught on”, so to speak.
It turns out that it’s not particularly conducive to relationship-building when you’re constantly (whether implicitly or explicitly) demanding that friends, girlfriends etc explain their behaviour and you’re inherently resistant to taking “because I want to” as a good-faith answer.