Silly nicknames you probably won't reveal to the namee - Share!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

I work in retail. In a charity shop. Variety, we gots it.

There is a lady who comes into our work regularly. She has a fake and bake tan and is a smoker.

I call her Mrs. Bacon.

I discovered my co-supervisor calls her Mrs. George Hamilton. Her name is really something like, Linda.
Then there is the dignified teabagger who is always well dressed and seemingly nice, until you realize he can turn any conversation into how Obama is destroying the country. This guy, is ALWAYS looking in the long formal gowns and ladies underwear.

I call him, " Mr. DbagTbagger Won’t you come out of the closet?" It’s a bit long, but it works.

Then there is the lady who has cornered me TWICE about bedbugs and how there is a big problem with bedbugs and bedbugs and every other word is bed bugs in the news and they seem to have taken over her brain. Bedbugs. And how can we, as a Thrift Store sell linens and stuff when there is this BEDBUG MENANCE!!!111!!!

She is Mrs. Bedbug.

(Oh, and FTR, she is always shopping for linens. Ummm. If you are so concerned about this bedbug problem and you don’t want to buy used linens that MAY BE CONTANMINATED with BEDBUGS, why would you be shopping in a thrift store for linens?)

bedbugs.

62

TheKid used to be friends with a girl whose mom is a raving bitch. This woman told TheKid she would be dead or in prison by the time she was 18, since I was such a horrible mother - I let TheKid use the internet. Oh noes. When she decided to get back out into the dating scene, she did so with a vengeance. More than once she was seen at a school event sucking tonsils with a guy, rarely the same guy. So she became Slut Bitch Mom. Or Hooker Mom.

One lady I work with - I have no idea her name - rides an old school bike with a basket. If I have to describe her to a coworker, I sing the wicked witch melody from the Wizard of Oz doodedoodedoodoo - doodedoodedoodoo-DOO-DOO. Came to find out this worker has been implicated in stealing from other workers - money, trinkets. The “name” fits.

Then there’s Janet From Another Planet aka Nitwit aka TSTL (sounds like tistle - too stupid to live), another coworker. I ranted about her in the Pit.

63

One nickname I have for a recently-acquired friend is Rockstar. He really does look like one. I would never in a million years tell him that it’s the name I gave him.

On a more derogatory note, one of the mailmen who comes in at work is terribly skinny and wears a very Indiana-Jones style hat. So I christened him Indiana Bones. The name has stuck.

64

Jane (“Jane, you ignorant slut” from SNL) Really dumb bimbo at work
Daisy (“That’s fucked up, Daisy” from Girl, Interrupted) Whiny emo girl
Francis ("Lighten up, Francis from Stripes) Tiny little chihuahua of a man that tries to act all big and tough
Llama (Not really sure why… but it stuck) Annoying fat little woman with a pinched face that looks like she just tasted something sour
Two-Bit (“Two-bit Hooker”) Local female republican campaign manager

65

My BFFs and I have all spent time at the singles game at some point in our lives. We tend to give nicknames (just among ourselves) to the guys in our lives. Some of the ones from the past:

  • Shmeklmann (from the claimed assets of his shmekl)
  • SAHB (spiteful-ass hillbilly)
  • Titty John (man had bigger boobs than my friend)
  • Minuteman (because that’s about how long lovemaking lasted)
  • Coyote Pete (claimed to have suffered coyote syndrome on a regular basis during his wild, misspent youth)
  • The Ron-Johns (two guys my friend and I double dated named…drumroll…Ron and John)

There have been other people that we’ve nicknamed over the years, but when we mention these guys, all three of us immediately know who is being talked about.

66

I use these when I’m describing the characters from cooking school to people who’ll never meet them.

There’s the chefs:
Chef 'Possum-Face He has a pointy nose and a smile like a clown mask - I saw a dead 'possum on the side of the road that reminded me of him.
Chef Shit Casserole I had a dream that he hosted an end-of-quarter party, told everyone, “Take a shit in a casserole dish, and brown it off under the salamander. I know - it sounds disgusting, but it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever eaten!” This totally sounds like something he’d say.
Chef Skeletor Impossibly tall and thin; always dreadfully serious.
Chef Grinch She’s shaped like the grinch, and dresses to accentuate this. Sometimes I call her Hot Lips because she looks a little like Major Houlihan.

Then there’s my fellow students:
Tomato He’s orange and shaped like a roma tomato.
Schick Shadel Guy on my table my first quarter - always blind drunk.
Mouse Ears Her ears stick out perpendicular to her head, and she wears her hair slicked back to accentuate this.
Toad In his chef’s hat, he looks like a toad. I think it’s his face shape combined with the freckles.

I’m going to hell…

67

These stories are hilarious.

We had tons of nicknames for our teachers in high school. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is Mad Dog - the name we had for my English teacher in junior year. He was notoriously unpredictable and the smallest thing could set him off, and when he was in a rage he was in the habit of beating students with a mop. Then he got married and mellowed out considerably. We considered sending his new wife a thank you present.

68

I thought of a couple more:
TDJJ - Stands for “That Damn John Jackson*” He was such a screw-up that every time his name was mentioned it was prefaced with “that damn.”
TT - TDJJ’s wife, who was German and a huge pain in the ass - stands for “Teutonic Twat.”
*The name has been changed but the initials are the same.

69

Oh, thanks a lot, guys. Tweedledum and Tweedledumber were thorns in my side ALL NIGHT last night after I hadn’t seen them in ages. Your fault.

70

Holy crap, there are a lot. I played in a concert wind ensemble in college and that was a perfect setting for conjuring up less that admirable nicknames.

The funniest thing is I’m now friends with someone who was in that group, and his close group of friends had nicknames for everyone too, so we to this day compare notes. It’s like having the Greek/Roman name for the ancient gods.

The names were often very cruel.

Let’s see, there was:

Horseface
The Lemur
Dumpy Housewife (she was, though early twenties, late 40’s looking, frazzled and frumpy, and always in baggy sweatpants/shirt)
Lord Vader (this guy wore his bike helmet indoors, back when nobody wore them ourdoors)
Many others are too heinous (or just too embarrassingly mean-spirited) to mention here.

To post #15, Francis Castle. It’s eeeeeeeerie- WE had an Oompah Loomah too! She was short, rotund, wore a constant scowl, she was a bright sick hue of fake-bake orange. My roommate saw her sunbathing in a bikini once and he swore her mat of pubic hair ended somwhere around her breasts. Being the only one who saw this, he alone called her (can I say this here?) “The three-foot pussy”.

We even have a name for the experience of ONLY knowing a person by their secret nickname (when you OUGHT to know their given name), and being cornered into a sticky situation because you don’t know their name but need to refer to them for some reason. Happens more than you might think. We call that ‘Horseface’. As in “That was a TOTAL Horseface situation!”.

Hilariously, there’s a recurring Little Britain sketch based on the Horseface premise. :smiley:

71

Horseface was the name my wife and I had for NFL QB John Elway.

72

Our Horseface was a girl! :smiley:

73

An old coworker (and I mean old) I called the White Spectre of Death. He had pale eyes, no muscle tone, and saggy cobwebbed skin. It wasn’t that he was scary looking; just more like he was one step away from the grave.

When I was in college band, the percussion instructor’s last name was Gaetano. When he was teaching, he’d voice the percussion beats in the music like “ga ga,” so we called him GaGaetano.

74

Oh I have a bunch of these. I hung out with what you could call “a bad crowd” when I was younger, and nicknames were a great way of creating anonymity and intentional vagueness.

Our Tree-climbing Friend- was a guy who rolled his car one night while driving drunk. Not wanting a DWI, he fled the scene, but was too intoxicated to get far. He ended up climbing a tree to hide when he heard sirens, only to proceed to pass out in said tree. He woke up an hour or two later and walked home. Luckily for him, he didn’t kill himself or someone else. Unluckily for him, the nickname stuck.

Lemon Squares- This guy just seemed too clean cut, polite, and eager to please. My friend said, “Every time I see him I expect him to show up with a plate of lemon squares.”

The Phoenician Water Seller- A Lebanese guy who was known for not having many scruples when it came to the quality of the merchandise he peddled. He once claimed that he would “sell water if he could get away with it,” and that he “was not Arab, but Phoenician.”

The Fresh Prince of Bahrain- I knew one of the princes of Bahrain. He was a huge douche, and had the fashion sense of a particularly flamboyant wigger from ten years in the past. My brother came up with this one.

The Space Potato- was a girl who looked like Hermes from Futurama. (Jamaican? I thought you were some sort of space-potato-man).

Clint- was a vice principal at my high school. I suppose he considered himself to be quite the interrogator, because he once asked me, “If you didn’t do anything wrong, why is your heart beating so fast?” This caused me to burst out laughing and reply, “Woa, calm down there Dirty Harry.” I got detention and the vice principal got a new nickname.

Mountain Man- I suppose it’s only fair to include what people called me behind my back. I frequently sported a very impressive beard so the origin is simple enough. I was actually relieved when I found out that people called me this. Mountain men might not be the height of cool, but they’re not so bad. They have a lot of cool attributes, like… self reliance, and…um…killing Indians?

75

We used to have a Grimace at my work. We normally wear surgical scrubs, and this tall, rotund co-worker frequently wore purple scrubs, so that was kind of asking for it.

Currently, we have “Ol’ Roy”. I noticed co-workers on Facebook referring to someone by this name, and couldn’t figure out who it was, or what it meant. I was afraid to ask any of them in case it was me. Later, I found out that Ol’ Roy is the house brand of dog food at Wal-Mart, and that a female co-worker resembled a dog pictured on the bag.

At school we have “Frosty”, who always has an empty pipe in his mouth and sometimes wears a tophat. And “Uncle Fester”, who looks closer to the Charles Addams cartoon version than the Jackie Coogan TV version. And “Super Mario” who has to be seen to be believed.

76

Since “Frosty” was at the top of my list of names that needed more information before the name made good sense, and since you have mentioned another “Frosty” image, I must explain further.

In this neck of the woods there’s a breakfast meats company called “Frosty Morn” and whose mascot/symbol is a grinning pig. They have (had) a catchy jingle that goes something like

“Sing it over and over and over again
Frosty Morn…”

Anyway, there was this female at work who had the countenance of that very pig and who always (well, 80% of the time) wore a neck scarf into the cafeteria at lunch time so she had the double whammy of “Frosty the Snowman” and the “Frosty Morn” pig. The name was perfect!

77

I found out that my nickname when I was in high school was “the walking mass of gray matter”

78

I once had an English teacher who had really, really pale blonde hair. She was also kind of ditzy. We all loved her, but we often referred to her as “Snowflake”.

A friend of mine had long hair and a beard. He was once told that he looked like Jesus Christ. Since he was an avowed atheist, this really ticked him off. So, naturally, we started calling him “Superstar”.

In college, I knew a guy who was six feet tall, blonde-haired, and politically conservative. One of our liberal friends referred to him as “the Titanic Teutonic”.

79

We called him “Mister Ed”.:smiley:

80

A particularly weird co-worker is “Cannoli”.

I detail why in This old thread. Now, the thread in question deals with a wedge of pound cake but I first witnessed the act (by the same guy) with a day-old cannoli.