In Weekend at Burnsie’s, Homer befriends a murder of crows. They follow him everywhere, including Moe’s Tavern. Eventually, Moe gets angry and orders Homer to get rid of them.
“Get them out of here! This ain’t no crow bar! THIS…” (reaches for something behind the bar) “…is a crowbar!”
Moe then pulls out a framed picture of a bar called ‘The Old Crow’, which has a bunch of crows sitting on barstools enjoying drinks. “See, they’ve got those little stools and everything.”
I don’t have the exact wording, but it goes something like this:
The Simpsons decide to get satellite TV. Homer has some cash, but it’s not quite enough. Homer says, “I know a way to triple our money, with no risk!”
Next shot, Homer is at the horse races. Announcer: “And at the wire it’s No Risk by a nose!” Homer: “Woohoo!”
I hope I didn’t miss someone mentioning this earlier- The Bowling/Boweling joke still kills me.
[close up of Homer in front of a stained-glass window]
Homer: I’ve never reached to you before but my wife is in her hour of need. Your help could make all the difference in the world.
[camera pans back]
Fat Tony: Okay.
Louie: See boss? I told you that ad in the church bulletin would pay off.
Also at Blockoland… Lisa’s toy has a missing part, so Homer goes to exchange it, saying he got a defective souvenir. The employee refuses and Homer balls his fist, saying he’s going to give the employee “a little souvenir of my own.” He opens his hand to reveal a snow globe with his picture in it and HOMER written on it.
Please, they’re called the living impaired.
I just thought of another one. Marge hears Homer scream “I’m going to kill you!” then she gasps and runs into the other room, horrified. It turns out, Homer and Bart are rehearsing a play called “I’m going to kill you.” They resume rehearsing. Homer says “Oooh! Professor Higgsworthy! So good to see you!” Then an old man with a monacle and pipe walks into the room and says “Ah. Rehearsing a play, I see.” That one cracks me up.
Post #17.
From one I saw last night: Homer and Bart go to the Thomas Edison museum, b/c they want to destroy Edison’s chair with the “lean back” legs. The tour guide stands in front of a roped-off door:
"Behind this door is Edison’s brain. ::reaches for the rope and unhooks it:: Normally, this area of the exhibit is restricted for tours…
…and today is no exception." ::puts rope back in place::
Homer drives into a statue of a doe by the Springfield tar pits.
Homer: D’oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!
Funniest. Bit. Ever.
I can’t believe it took me years to get this one:
Bart and Lisa are at the bookstore. Bart buys a book on UFOs, and Lisa buys a book by Al Gore. As they are heading to the checkout, Bart comments that the government is covering up UFOs and they don’t want you to know anything about them. As one of the books is scanned, we hear X-Files style music, and see that the bookstore’s cash register is somehow connected to a government spy satellite. In Washington, D.C., a man rushes in with startling news…
[spoiler]“Mr. Vice President, somebody finally purchased a copy of your book!”
Gore puts on a record, and Kool and the Gang sing “Celebrate good times. Come on!” Gore replies, “I will,” and does so…by standing perfectly still.[/spoiler]
And a funny one from the Vegas episode which shows how Homer’s mind works. Homer is somewhat leery about the fact that he married another woman while drunk. She encourages him to think about all the pleasures that come out of having two wifes. He does so…
Homer is sitting in a hammock while Marge digs a hole and his new wife chops wood, singing to himself, “Chop, chop, dig, dig! Chop, chop, dig, dig!” His new wife walks over and says, “You know, there’s much more two wifes can do for you.” Homer responds, “I hear diggin’, but I don’t hear choppin’!”
I didn’t see this one in the thread, so if it’s a repeat … sue me.
This is also from the Vegas episode when Homer and Ned are running from an angry mob. They see a car set up for a contest and Homer and Ned jump into it. In classic Simpson (and general cartoon) fashion, Homer yells “So long, suckers!”
Except this time, he only gets out “So long, suck-” when the mob descends on the car and proceeds to beat the hell out of both of them.
One of my favorite moments comes during the elementary school field trip to the Box Factory:
“Now, at first glance, this room looks like an ordinary room. But if you look closely, you will notice one major difference…oh wait, they took that out. Ok, it’s just an ordinary room.”
Perhaps a little off-topic, but I love the episode “You Only Move Twice”, where Homer gets a new job at a planned community, with the nicest, friendliest boss in the world…who turns out to be a James Bond-style supervillain:
Scorpio: “Gentlemen! I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold. And to prove I’m not joking, here’s a little demonstration.” (Pushes a button, followed by an explosion outside the U.N. building’s window.)
UN Guy #1: “Oh my God, he blew up the 59th Street Bridge!”
UN Guy #2: “Maybe it just collapsed on its own.”
UN Guy #1: “We can’t take that chance.”
UN Guy #2: “You always say that. I WANT TO TAKE A CHANCE!”
Bart winds up in the middle of the tale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The first bowl of porridge is too hot; the second is too cold; and so he – mixes them together and enjoys his little meal.
The best part is that in this fantasy, a bee lands on his nose and stings him. Back to reality, Homer thinks to himself how much bee stings hurt. This is what convinces him that marrying the Vegas floozy is a bad idea.
One brief line from a fantasy sequence that’s just a good example of irony- I forget who said it and the exact wording, but it’s something like “He thought the trip to the guillotine factory was just for fun. Little did he realize it was the perfect place for me to shoot him.”
Just saw one tonight. Smithers was supposed to find someone to fill in for him when he went on vacation, so he sat at the computer and said something like, “Let’s see…fat, lazy, incompetent…ah, this is taking too long. I’ll just go get Homer Simpson.”
Also, “This horse better win, or we’re taking a trip to the glue factory! And he won’t be allowed to come.”
This is from the episode where Homer was the kids’ football coach:
“Steven, I liked your hustle”, cut to the boy looking bright with anticipation, “which is why it was so hard to cut you”.
Saw one last night:
Family is at the circus. while watching the female acrobats being quite bendy, Marge turns to Homer and says in a suggestive tone “that gives me some ideas.”
Cut to Marge’s thought bubble, showing her twisting her body so she can scrub the sink with her hand and foot at the same time.
And of course there’s this one from Who Shot Mr. Burns Pt. 1:
Dr. Hibbert: Well I couldn’t possibly solve this mystery. Can you…? [looking directly at the “camera”]
…
[“camera” pulls back a bit to just over Chief Wiggum’s shoulder]
Wiggum: Yeah, I guess I’ll give it a shot. It’s my job, right?
Can I be the first one to mention the first joke they did this?
It’s in the pilot(I think). They have that horrible babysitter that Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are hiding from.
Cut to a shot of three vases, one tall(Bart size), one medium(Lisa’s size), and one tiny one(Maggie’s size). They all have lids and we are led to believe the children are hiding in them.
But, there is a closet next to the vases. The three children stumble out of the closet, where they actually were hiding.
Isn’t that from the pilot?