Too many times on this board do I see a 20something yo whine about the girl/boy that got away…
FCOL man! you’re 20something!!
As long as your religious or philosophical values permit; Go out and be with many and different types of people. This will give you a better idea of what you want should the day ever arise when you DO want a SO.
Better that than 30 or 40 something wondering: “What if?”
Me at 35 (divorced) I like being single. I wouldn’t mind having a GF but I want a GF who agrees with me that we BOTH keep our own place and never officially “move in” together.
That would be f’n sweet. But finding one who shares this feeling is next to impossible.
That’s how I feel too but sometimes I wonder. (BTW, 39, single, comfortable, not even looking) Pairing up seem to be such an overwhelming drive and most people seem to happier to have someone even if it isn’t the right someone that I wonder why I’m so different. I don’t want to hook up (unless I meet the perfect guy who I don’t think actually exists and if he did, I’d find something wrong with him anyway) but I sometimes think that I should want to. I dunno, I’m conflicted. I’m happy as I am but I wonder if I’m taking the easy, safe route…
Being married and having kids doesn’t necessarily set you up in old age, how many times have you heard of some elderly person being found dead weeks after they’d passed, despite their having 6 kids?? There are plenty oldies in the Home here who have spouses and kids…
I just don’t see being old and alone as a reason to get married. That’s why my nephews are the beneficiaries of my will. I periodically remind them that if they don’t take care of me in my old age, my not insubstantial assets will all go to an animal shelter.
Seriously tho, I’ve seen far too many people get married out of fear of being alone. My motto is “It’s better to be alone, than wish you were.” A friend of mine has the best arrangement ever - her husband travels during the work week and is only home on weekends. The weekend is full of hot monkey sex and then she has the rest of the week to herself. To my way of thinking, it doesn’t get any better than that.
When you are 23-24, odds are you are right out of college. You are probably living with a couple of your pals, you spend most of your free time going to bars and clubs trying to bang whoever you can. Many, if not most, of your friends are still around, you meet new people at work and maybe if you’re lucky you live in a cool neighborhood in a big city. You’re very excited by your new job because for the first time you have money and you think you’re going to be a VP or Partner by the time you’re 30 (which seems like a long time away as it’s about the amount of time you spent in college and high school). The last thing you want is a SO because you don’t want to get “tied down” or you think there’s a bigger, better deal just around the corner.
When you reach your 30s, things start to change a bit. It’s not really that cool to be out drunk every other night. Most of your close friends will have either moved and/or gotten themselves married. For women, you have to start thinking about whether you want to have kids or not cause the clock starts ticking a bit louder. The realities of the working world have probably started to settle in so your passion might be a bit dampened. You can still be out having fun, but one thing you’ll notice is that the dating pool has gotten a bit shallow. People that once seemed fun and exciting now seem like drunks, drama queens, perpetual adolescents and other “undatables”.
And one you hit your 40s, well I would imagine being single isn’t all that fun. Everyone your age pretty much is married or has kids. You’re generally the oldest guy in the singles bar and the 20somethings look at you kind of odd. You’re well on your way to being the weird old guy muttering to himself in the corner of the bar.
Hey…not every story has a happy ending.
But by no means should you get married just to avoid being alone. I know too many people who are married and seem utterly miserable. Like Chris Rock says “when you’re in a relationship, you want to kill your partner. When you’re single you want to kill yourself. Better HER than ME!”
people who get married at my age are insane. my best friend is marrying a 17 year old guy (she’s 20) with a tattoo of another girl’s name on his arse, and she has decided not to go to university because he screwed up all his Alevels, and she is going to support him whilst he tries to make it in the rowing world. which he won’t, because he is too much of a wimp. people are strange.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! That makes me want to book the next flight to Belfast and smack some sense into her! Perhaps you could do it for me, Chicken?
You know, every time I read about someone’s horrible kids, not only do I never want to get married and have kids. I want to break up with my GF just to eliminate the possibility. You can always look for someone to be with if you’re alone. You’re pretty much stuck with a family though.
Is that a bumper sticker?.. Or the new slogan for Trojan?.. 'Cause if not, it should be…
Trojan Condoms: You can always look for someone to be with if your alone, but you’re pretty much stuck with a family…
I was perfectly happy being single (38 y.o.). And then I met someone who I couldn’t fathom not being with, so I asked her to marry me. If you can stay happy and single no problem, but don’t rule out that you will meet that person who you don’t ever want to be out of your life.
Ugh, would you mind? If you could put on a modest blouse and skirt, and present the 6 cases I have to present at the real estate assessment board for me, that would be great. It’s probably going to take all bloody day and I really need some alone time at home.
Yeah, that’s about right.
After finishing college one of my friends main goals were 1) Get a good local job 2) Buy a house 3) Get married.
I told him he was crazy. I took the opposite approach and moved around the country to live places I’ve always wanted to try living in. I tried different jobs. I dated but never settled down.
It was an absolute blast! Lot’s of friends. Lot’s of different girlfriends. Lot’s of experiences. Fast cars, motorcycles, vacations overseas, partys any night of the week.
But around 30 it changes. Hangovers began to suck. Suddenly I found I was the oldest dude in my group of party friends. Young 20 something gals peg you as “too old” for them. I had all my “toys” but they became just “toys”.
Alone time became a little too quiet.
So I found a gal I was crazy about, got hitched at age 32, got a good job and a house in the midwest, and had my first son at age 36. Different than the single life but great it it’s own ways. Perfect for a guy in his mid 30’s.
I still feel sorry for my friend who gave up his “roaring twenties” for what I postponed for 10 years.
Hmm. Not everyone who’s single is out partying every night. Some people like the quiet.
I frankly find it sort of amusing that some people’s impetus to get married was that they’re friends couldn’t go out drinking with them anymore, and the twentysomethings in the bar wouldn’t date them. Seriously… one can be a single grownup.
I think it might be a little more than that. You can always find someone to go out drinking with. I think it’s that people feel there’s something missing from their life. They want more than just nights out getting drunk and sleeping with randoms.
It’s an illusion of course. Those things like marriage or children they thought would make their life complete can just as easily turn into a man-made prison that prevents them from persuing their dreams.
