“Don’t drive angry! Don’t drive angry!”
‘there’s not enough beer in the world, Spleen, I’m sorry’
Kryten’s Double Polaroid
“My nipples don’t work.”
That was David Cross. His two episodes were the funniest of Just Shoot Me.
Thought of a couple more.
It doesn’t really qualify for the OP’s request since it’s a scene and doesn’t really have any lines, but this scene from Friends can bring me to tears of laughter just thinking about it.
And Hugh Laurie in *Sense & Sensibility *as Mr. Palmer: “Try.”
It’s all in the delivery.
“You got spunk…I hate spunk”
“Anna Maria Alberghetti in a taxi, honey…”.
My favorite sequence from Red Dwarf is the very first episode.
Lister: Where is everybody, Hol?
Holly: They’re dead, Dave.
Lister: Who is?
Holly: Everybody, Dave.
Lister: What, Captain Hollister?
Holly: Everybody’s dead, Dave.
Lister: What, Todhunter?
Holly: Everybody’s dead, Dave.
Lister: What, Selby?
Holly: They’re all dead. Everybody’s dead, Dave.
Lister: Petersen isn’t, is he?
Holly: Everybody is dead, Dave.
Lister: Not Chen?
Holly: Gordon Bennett! Yes! Chen, everybody. Everybody’s dead, Dave.
Lister: Rimmer?
Holly: He’s dead, Dave. Everybody’s dead. Everybody is dead, Dave!
Lister: Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody’s dead?
Homer Simpson: “How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?”
I use this every time my girlfriend is trying to get me to do something new.
From Xena, Warrior Princess when a guy tells her he prayed for a hero to come help him :
Xena : “You asked for ME ?”
Guy : “Well, no. Actually, I was hoping for Hercules. Or at least Sinbad !”
"Welcome to Earth !
- SMACK * - Independence day
Oh! PeskiPiksi! I forgot about that line from Sense and Sensibility! I LOVED Hugh Laurie in that movie! And he just ruled that scene with that one tiny little utterance. Classic.
Thanks for the Red Dwarf stuff, guys! I need to get that on DVD. Hubby and I used to watch it before we were married. I remember it came on right before Dr. Who. HATED that show. Ugh.
Some other stuff from Blazing Saddles has been mentioned, but my favorite is when the sheriff asks gene wilder what he likes to do and he says, “Well, I like to screw…and play chess” sheriff just says, “Let’s play chess.” I need to find out the name of that guy who played sheriff and see if he was in any other movies, he was awesome.
Good heavens, five pages and no 300?
“There’s no reason we can’t be civil.”
“Yes, sire,” as the captain stabs one of the wounded enemy.
His name was Cleavon Little, and he did some movies and a ton of TV. A very funny guy, and a Tony award winner. I remember wanting to hate one of my all-time faves, Gregory Hines, because I though Cleavon should have had his part in History of the World, Part 1. But Little died of colon cancer in 1992, and may have already been too ill to do the film.
Cleavon Little.
Launchpad McQuack, from Darkwing DucK: “Who’s a purple traitor?!”
From Supernatural, when a kid gets his wish to beat up some bullies fulfilled:
“KNEEL BEFORE TOD!”
From SNL, which I don’t normally like very much:
“Jane, you ignorant slut.”
From Clue:
“Let us in! Let us in!
Let us out! Let us out!”
And a bunch from Johnny Dangerously, one of my favorite movies.
Danny Vermin: “I got something to stop him.”
Dutch: “They made it for him special. It’s an eighty-eight Magnum.”
Vermin: “It shoots through schools.”
Tommy Kelly, prosecuter and Johnny’s brother: “…that Roman Troy Maronie was responsible for: the Mother’s Day Massacre, The Christmas Day Slaughter, The Lincoln’s Birtnday Mutilations, and The Groundhog’s Day Be-headings!”
Maronie’s statement back to the court: “I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes…like yourselves.”
Vermin: “You shouldn’t grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once… ONCE!”
Later on: “You shouldn’t hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once!”
Still later: “You really shouldn’t shoot me, Johnny. My grandmother once shot me. Once.”
Even later: “You shouldn’t kick me in the balls. My sister kicked me in the balls once… On…grunts in pain”
Prisoner: “There’s a message through the grapevine, Johnny.”
Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? What is it?"
Prisoner: “Johnny and the Mothers are playin’ Stompin’ At the Savoy in Vermont tonight.”
Johnny: “Vermin’s going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight.”
Prisoner: “I didn’t say that.”
Johnny: “No, but I know this grapevine.”
Police dispatcher, post-prison break: “Calling all cars, calling all cars, Be on the look out for… now listen to this: Dangerously and accomplices dressed as nuns driving a sedan covered with… oh you’ll love this… duckies and bunnies.”
Newsstand owner, hit on the head by a bundle of papers too many times: “I can hear again, and I can see! I can hear again, and I can see! But… who am I?”
“Don’t you have any manners, you stupid clod?”
Grandpa, from The Munsters. It’s mainly the delivery, but that line crack me up.
**Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang:
**Perry: What did you just do?
Harry: [Confused] I just put in one bullet, didn’t I?
Perry: You put a live round in that gun!
Harry: Well yeah, there was like an 8% chance.
Perry: Eight? *Eight!? *Who taught you math!?
Right episode, wrong quote.
Sam: Are we…should we…are we gonna kill this Teddy Bear?
Dean: How?
Sam: I dunno, shoot it, burn it?
Dean: Well, how do we know that’ll even work? I don’t want a flamming, pissed off Teddy on our hands!
KISS kiss, bang bang
‘except for the boner, that’s not very knightly’
‘Actually it’s nightly and most morning, too.’
I totally used that line in a discussion about Keira Knightly once
Do you think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?
and
Who are those guys?
From The Usual Suspects:
I had a man’s hand up my ass today.
Oh, is it Friday already?
From The Game:
Don’t I always call you on your birthday?
Does Rose Kennedy own a black dress?
From Saw (I)
This is the most fun I’ve had without lubricant!
Right off the top of my head. I know there’s lots of sneaky ones in ST:TNG and other unexpected places, but I’ll have to dig through the movies.
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour? NO!”