“Here I sit. Completely surrounded by NO BEER!” and “Seriously, do I look like the kind of bloke who’d come off on someone’s walls?” Both spoken by Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances.
From the Keeping Up Appearances episode where Onslow’s grandchild is christened,
Onslow pulls up to the church in his wreck of a car and the following ensues:
Vicar:" I see you still have the old boneshaker."
Onslow(leering at his wife, Daisy):" And the car’s still goin’, too."
“I’ll have what she’s having.” from When Harry Met Sally.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna get me a bottle of tequila, and one of those little keno girls that can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, and kick back.” - Willie Nelson in The Electric Horseman.
Who made you Judge Judy and executioner? – Homer Simpson
The best are from Arrested Development:
Narrator: Tobias listens to a day’s worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to…
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] … even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
Tobias Fünke: Nothing wrong with that.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] Oh, I’ve been in the film business for a while, but I just can’t seem to get one in the can.
Tobias Fünke: It’s out of context.
Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
Narrator: …and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias Fünke: Tobias, you blowhard.
[chuckles]
And…
Lucille: What’s a Forget-Me-Now?
Gob: They’re pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It’s a mainstay of the magician’s toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It’s a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal.
Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don’t make me give you another one of these.
Steve Holt: I’ve made a huge mistake.
Gob: I know the feeling. I had you. I’m your father, Steve Holt. I can’t hide from it any more.
Steve Holt: I won’t forget this… Dad.
Gob: [swallows roofie] I will. I will…
STEVE HOLT!
Dr. Destiny: Coming here was the mistake of your life. The closer I am to someone, the stronger I get. I’ll be able to go into your brain even when you’re wide awake. Batman: My brain’s not a nice place to be.
When the llama and Pacho are drifting down the river towards the waterfall, and the llama says, with that preposterous look of llama determination, “Bring it on,” well, that’s when I collapse laughing.
One of House’s ducklings (bursting in to his office with the other two): We’ve got rectal bleeding! House: What, *all *of you? Father Ted: Oh, Father Jack! Not Toilet Duck again!
