“…she can have a dress shop.” (Showgirls)
Like most of the movie, the line is so profoundly inappropriate that it’s hilarious.
Incredible! You have managed to take the single greatest to say nothing of most quotable movie of all time and pluck not only the most obscure but also the least funny lines in the movie.
Sharing you own favorites would be preferable to dumping on other peoples’ contributions, lawyermink@yahoo.com.
Harry: [to Yuri] An Uzi? I’m not from South Central Los Angeles. I didn’t come here to shoot twenty black ten year olds in a drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.
Ray: I don’t hit women. I would never hit a woman, Chloe. I’d hit a woman who was trying to hit me with a bottle. That’s different. That’s self-defense, isn’t it? Or a woman who could do karate. I would never hit a woman generally, Chloe.
Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn’t, so it doesn’t.
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don’t hold it against me.
Ken: I’ll try not to… Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.
Marie: [to Ray and Harry] Why don’t you both put your guns down, and go home?
Harry: Don’t be stupid. This is the shootout.
From “King of the Hill,” the episode where Kahn’s family moves in:
Hank gives Kahn a welcome gift of a tank of propane.
Kahn says, “You honor me by giving me gas.”
This slays us for two reasons - one, potty humor is big in our house, and “giving me gas” usually translates to, “You farted in my general direction.” And two, we started using it reference to the car. “I’ll be late home tonight - I have to stop and honor the car.”
Did you see him repress me?
From “The Emperor’s New Groove”: Hate the hair. Not likely. Yikes. Yikes Yikes. Let me guess, you have a great personality.
I LOVED the Young Ones!
Another one from an old movie, Arsenic and Old Lace, Cary Grant says, “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” Such a good movie, not only funny, but Cary Grant, too.
In the same ep: Barney has given up alcohol and gets through astronaut training much better than Homer does, so will be the one picked to go. The trainers open a bottle of champagne to celebrate the end of the training course, and Barney grabs it, sculls it, and goes off staggering drunk (thus leaving the field open to Homer).
Trainer #1: Wasn’t that supposed to be non-alcoholic champagne?
Trainer #2: It was.
From Father Ted:
Father Ted: Ah, Sister Assumpta!
Sister Assumpta: Hello Father!
Father Ted: Dougal, Dougal, do you remember Sister Assumpta?
Father Dougal: Er, no.
Father Ted: She was here last year! And then we stayed with her in the convent, back in Kildare. Do you remember it? Ah, you do! And then you were hit by the car when you went down to the shops for the paper. You must remember all that? And then you won a hundred pounds with your lottery card? Ah, you must remember it, Dougal!
[Dougal shakes his head]
Sister Assumpta: And weren’t you accidentally arrested for shoplifting? I remember we had to go down to the police station to get you!.. And the police station went on fire? And you had to be rescued by helicopter?
Father Ted: Do you remember? You can’t remember any of that? The helicopter! When you fell out of the helicopter! Over the zoo! Do you remember the tigers?
[Dougal shakes his head some more]
Father Ted: You don’t remember? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Father Dougal: Ah, Sister Assumpta!
I just registered here so I could join in. I love silly one liners.
“You’ve known her her whole life, right?”
“Not yet” - The Dark Knight
“It’s sucking my will to live!” Wayne’s world
We’ve been watching you for 5000 years since the earth was created. By God." - The Simpsons
“WHY ARE WE YELLING!?” - Anchorman
“Yes, but those people are crazy.” - Mister Frost
“Your clothes are red!” - Kung Pow
“Well done, students, if you were trying to disappoint me.” - Kung Fu Panda
“It’s like, my pleasure, in other people’s leisure.” - Trainspotting
“I’m surrounded by Assholes.” - Spaceballs
Steve McQueen in The Magnificent Seven:
" I never rode shotgun on a hearse before."
Some unexpected comedy from Being Human last night:
George: “WHO WANTS SOME OF MY CHAIR?!?” [after deciding that a chair was the weapon of choice for taking on a room full of vampires]
Also:
“So you’re a ghost? Can you, like, move things around and…go from room to room…?”
“Everyone can do that.”
I’m sure this won’t be of any interest to anyone but me:
Last season on CSI(Original Recipe) there was a perp being questioned by Lt. Brass. Perp says: “Whoa, his name is Brass, and he’s a cop”.
K, not funny to most, but what I’ve been thinking since the start of the show. Now I say the line every time Brass shows up. My husband just howls with laughter when I do it, or maybe it’s heartburn.
MST3K: The Movie
“Normal view, normal view, normal view, NORMAL VIEW!” (it’s the trailing off singing at the end that does me in)
“Put me on intermittent Joe.”
“Hail Hitler!”
Cracks me up every single time, actually that entire movie has a quote for every occasion.
One of the greatest comedies of all time, truly, and woefully underappreciated. Brilliant.
Saw this one last night: When a man shows up claiming to be a friend of House’s, Cuddy says “I thought I knew all your friend.”
That’s not a typo. “All your friend.” Singular.
"I never hurt anyone for any reason other than sticking a dog’s skull on a stake. "
-Rutger Hauer in “The Blood of Heroes”
aaaand Sigourney’s prosthetic chest!
Theres nothing clever about rehashing the same overused quotes used in every dorm and break room.
Guy: “Try to fashion a weapon…can you make a rudimentary lathe?”
Hot Fuzz:
Danny Butterman: Is it true that there’s a point on a man’s head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?