“I have always depended on people being nicer than me, and I have never in my life been disappointed.”
“Two bits, four bits, six bits, a peso. All for Zorro, stand up and say so!”
In the RiffTrax commentary for The Matrix Reloaded, when Persephone says, “If you want the Keymaker, follow me,” the RiffTrax guys say, “I’d follow her if she said, ‘If you want to stick your hand in an active garbage disposal for three minutes, follow me.’” I laughed harder at that line than anything else.
Which movie/show is this from, again?
The line from the Simpsons episode: “Woman and seamen don’t mix.”
“'kay.”
It’s not the line, it’s all in the delivery.
BTW, here it is in context:
“Who are you you?”
“No one of consequence.”
“I must know”
“Get used to disappointment.”
“'kay.”
“Remember when I said I’d kill you last ?”
“Yes !”
“I lied.” - Arnie drops bad guy he’s dangling over a cliff
“What did you do with him ?”
“I let him go.” - Commando
“Its the best man, I got it from a neee-gro” (from “Caddyshack” ----- a movie full of great one liners)
“The district attorney is a Republican.”
Of course, you need to hear it in context. 
“Jeez, my hands are cold!”
“Here, take my extra pair of gloves. My hands are getting sweaty”
“You’ve had extra gloves this whole time?”
“Yeah. We’re in the Rockies…”
Harry proceeds to choke Carreys character.
“Harry! Your hands are freezing!!”
For whatever reason, I giggle like a girl whenever I even think of that last line.
“If women don’t find you handsome they should at least find you handy.” - Red Green … It gives me hope.
“By Grabthar’s hammer … … … what a savings.”
Bette Midler in Ruthless People, “I’ve been kidnapped by Kmart!”
From Wanted: Dead or Alive (1987) where Rutger Hauer as Nick Randall (descendant from Steve McQueen’s TV character Josh Randall of the series of the same name) has spent the movie chasing down terrorist Gene Simmons (yes, the KISS guy) and has a grenade in Simmons’s mouth and is toying with the idea of forgoing the bonus for bringing Simmons in alive.
First 30 seconds gets the point across:
“He vas my BOYFRIEND!”
Mine’s from The Simpsons: “I didn’t sleep a wink. Homer was tossing all night!”
An innocent enough phrase in the US with a slightly different meaning over here.
What is that, a Titleist? Hole in one, huh?
“Supplies!”
UHF
Funniest part of that movie.
The classics:
“I’ve never been so insulted in all my life.”
“Ah, it’s early yet.”
“I can’t understand what’s delaying the coffeepot.”
“Remember, we’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is probably more than she ever did.”
“Let me out. Let me out. Or at least throw me a magazine.”
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“It ain’t a fit night out for man nor beast.”
“I think I’ll go and milk the elk.”
“Do you know a man by the name of LaFong? Carl LaFong? Capital L, small a, Capital F, small o, small n, small g. LaFong. Carl LaFong.”
“Is this a game of chance?”
“Not the way I play it. No.”
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And for the more obscure*:
“You’re probably a blessing in disguise. Fucking good disguise.”
“This is how we do things on the Planet Maturia. We have much to teach you.”
“Puh-lease! I went to a bar mitzvah once. That doesn’t make me Jewish.”
"If you think I’m just plucky and scrappy and all I need is love, you’re in over your heads. I don’t have a heart of gold and I don’t grow one later, OK? But relax. There’s other people a lot nicer coming up - we call them “losers.”
“You’ve got a death wish. So selfish. [pause] I have one too, but I direct it toward others.”
*From The Opposite of Sex, the modern champion for great single lines.
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
It’s an…electric ear cleaner.
You’re a fookin’ elephant!
All reds!