“We’re not ‘going Catholic.’ Three children is quite enough, thank you.”
Tremors: Definitely alien, no way them boys is local.
Knock…knock…knock…“Penny” knock…knock…knock…“Penny” knock…knock…knock…“Penny”
From “Archer”
“Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!”
“Bear claws! Rrroowr!”
-Joe
I adore witty banter and humour, but can’t remember or reproduce it for SH*T. I will kill every joke ever written. But there’s a line from a Family Guy episode that for some reason sticks with me. I watch it ALL the time, probably every day…the series, not the episode. I love all of it, laugh my arse off most of the time. But for some reason…
“This is really good lemonade, Jillian”
“Yeah I know, right? I just wish they didn’t have to kill so many lemons to make it!”
…
“It’s like she’s fucking FIVE!”
Told ya, I’ll kill any joke. 
But the way it’s said is forever imprinted in my brain and makes my amygdala giggle.
I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?
“Respect the cruller. And tame the donut!” - Xander in Once More, With Feeling
Originally I thought it was funny in the same ‘adult play acting with objects’ way as Wash and “curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal!”
But years later I discovered it was a reference to a very dirty line in Magnolia and now it’s 1000x funnier
I think my all time favorite though has to be Galaxy Quest.
Confused aliens have used their technology to recreate the ship from a cheesy TV space drama, assuming the broadcast was a documentary, ignoring practical concerns. they abduct the actors thinking they are the actual crew.
Two of the characters need to take a shortcut through an area of the ship with a carefully timed series of crushing metal plates. Clearly in the show they were used merely to serve as a death trap cliche, and could not serve any realistic engineering purpose. But now the actors are forced to enter the realistic death trap for real. One exclaims:
“whoever wrote this episode should die!”
Whenever I come across overused tropes, or encounter misfortune in real life I have a desire to scream this. I think it could be a useful mantra also for certain showrunners.
I also have a giggle whenever I see Dustin from Real World talk about “never ever in the history of everdom”.
Damn, we’re in tight spot!
Gopher, Everett?
“Oh Brother, where art Thou?” - many more here
From Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She’s in a battle with some random Vamp. She gets in a particularly good shot and the Vamp says… “I’ll kill you for that”. She looks at him in sort of disbelief and says… “For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?”
They turk err jerrrbs!!
Well, then, everyone here go see it in context.
Seriously.
A favorite of my nerd friends, my bored-by-nerds friends, my college students, and my sunday school kids (6-9th graders).
I often promise in stentorian tones to accomplish some menial task thusly: “To the trash can…for Justice! Progeny of mine, your father WILL empty this can, before the sun has moved but a degree in its course. This do I SWEAR (raise fist) By Grabthar’s Hammer!”
To which one of my kids will deadpan “…what savings.”
My son does Alan Rickman’s voice perfectly.
Just realized that I got the “…For Justice!” line from an old radio broadcast, where it was even funnier because it was used very seriously… by a man-about-town (“Jethro DuMont”) who used his years of training in Ancient Tibet as a lama to… sock someone on the jaw.
But only after intoning:
“Om…mani pame ommmm… The Green Lama strikes… for Justice!”
nm
Cat; Is that what I think it is?
Lister; what do you think it is?
Cat;… An orange-whirly-thing-in-space!
From the first episode of Futurama:
Fry: What if I don’t want to do it?
Leela: Then you’ll be fired…
Fry: Fine!
Leela: …out of a cannon…into the Sun.
Several lines in the movie “Evolution”-
Orlando Jones has an alien up his ass, and the doc is going to extract it.
Doc- “There’s no time for lubricant!”
OJ- “There’s ALWAYS time for lubricant!!!”
Later, another character offers him some ice cream to make him feel better. When she asks him what flavor, he replies “I don’t care- it’s for my ass.”
“I don’t care- it’s for my ass” can be used in almost any situation. 
In Night Court, Harry is telling Bull that the voice he heard was not God, but Art the repair man. Bull grabs his head and says, “I understand it now! ‘Our Father, Who’s Art in Heaven!’”
The line in Rushmore when Max says “O.R. they?” to Luke Wilson’s character at dinner always makes me laugh. The delivery is just so perfect. Also, “I saved Latin!”
In one of the Simpson’s episodes Ralph refers to Superintendent Chalmers as “Supernintendo Chalmers.”