Did you guys even WATCH the show?
the setup:
Why’re you bringin’ that vacumm cleaner?
I like this vacumm cleaner
Ya never use it
the punchline:
Well, it’s good for parts
GIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!!
I know everyone here hated Gilly but you’re all wrong and Kristen Wiig is the greatest.
Gardner: So, boys, what’ll be for breakfast? Barbecue? Or chili?
Sound of vomiting in the background
Gardner: Chili it is!
Judy: Then she had her utopian tubes removed.
Gardner: "No That’s fallopian darlin’.
Judy: Fallopian? Them’s books of the bible silly… first and second fallopians!
From Clerks:
“Who-is-driving? Oh-my-god-bear-is-driving-how-can-that-be?”
“Nothing can kill the Grimace.”
“We love this monkey!”
Rambo: First Blood Part II: Rambo’s airdrop into Vietnam almost doesn’t happen after his parachute gets fouled in the tail of his plane. He has to cut himself loose and go down on his reserve chute, miles off target. When he finally makes rendevous with his contact, he explains why he’s so late: “I got hung up”.
From Blazing Saddles: “Now, who can argue with that?”
I use that all the time.
More NewsRadio:
“I think in Matthew’s world candy elves are a common occurance.”
“Whoomp! There it is.” (That’s one of Jimmy James’ secrets of management.)
“I’ve got so many lawyers lined up to see me, you’d think I had tobacco leaking out of my breast implants.”
“He’s a snug as a bug in a baby’s bottom.”
“Sexual harassment is no joke, Sweetcans.”
“Are you Doobie Keebler?”
“and then it exploded!” - it’s not just the line, it’s the glee with which he says it.
From The Jerk - “He hates these cans!”
“What’s in the box? NUTTIN’! STUPID, YOU SO STUPID!”
I could quote The Big Lebowski all day.
"Where ya goin’, Dude?
“I’m going home, Donny.”
“Phone’s ringin’, Dude.”
“Thank you, Donny.”
“Pin your diapers on, Lebowski. Jackie Treehorn wants to see you.”
“We know which Lebowski you are, Lebowski.”
“You’re not dealing with morons here.”
“That’s a great plan, Walter. That’s fuckin’ ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It’s a Swiss fuckin’ watch.”
“People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.”
“On you, maybe.”
“Fortunately, I’m adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.”
“He’s from Barcelona.”
Also: “¿Qué?”
Whenever pronoun confusion arises I think of:
“Hamlet… in love with the old man’s daughter… the old man thinks.”
Eleanor, your name reminded me of one of my favorites, from “The Lion in Winter”
John: “Mother! He has a knife!!!”
Eleanor: “Of course he has a knife. Richard always has a knife. We all have knives. It’s 1183, and we’re barbarians!!”
“Morons, your bus is leaving.”
Also one of my favorite lines in literature. According to CS Forester’s Horatio Hornblower novels, it’s the traditional prayer said when one is about to be on the wrong end of a Broadside.
Here’s one from Death Race, which is only funny because I studied Mandarin Chinese. For context, one of the racers is a guy named 14K, a Chinese MIT graduate who almost always speaks only in Mandarin, with English subtitles.
His last words, when it is clearly evident that he Is About To Die, are (in English): “Fuck me.”
What makes it hilarious, is that it is subtitled in Mandarin as “他媽的。”, or “Tamade” for you guys who can’t read Chinese characters on their screen. Literally, it translates as “His mother’s” (his mother’s what is left to the listener to imagine usually). In the context he used it, it’s colloquial Mandarin for “Oh Crap.”
Which reminds me, from Speed, when the passenger is relaying what Keanu Reeves says over the phone to the bomb squad:
“FUCK ME!”
“Oh Darn.”
From Airplane:
Which reminds me of my favorite line from Butch Cassidy:
“Morons. I have morons on my team.”
Another favorite from Blazing Saddles: “I didn’t get a ‘harumph’ outta that guy!”
And while we’re talking Mel Brooks: “I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!”
The Zucker bros. talked about seeing Airplane! in Germany. When the scene with the black guys came up, everybody laughed their asses off even though it was all dubbed in german. The Zuckers couldn’t figure out why it would still be funny if it was all in German. So when they asked someone about it they found out that the black guys were translated with thick Bavarian accents. So the Germans managed to translate the joke into another culture as well as another language.
Compuuutah! Take me to the WeeeaSELS!!!
-Zim