My sister is dating someone 6 years older than her that I know and do not approve of.
I apologize before hand for bad grammar and the wall of text before you.
First off ill talk about my sister. She is 16 and acts mature for her age. But her maturity is a mere facade. She is in decisive, melodramatic, naive, and not smart in social situations (easily peer pressured). Basically todays average 16 year old. She has 4.2 gpa from the most difficult and highest rated high school in our city and a very bright future. About 2 years ago she started hanging out with a friend that is her age. I would tag a long because her friend had a cousin (now 18 my age) and older brother ( now 22). We would all kinda hang out with each other laugh and listen to music we eventually grew rather close hanging out with each other almost every weekend. I recently learned that for the last 5 months this 22 year old has been dating my sister secretly. She got together with him while my dad was sick (minor surgery) he was perfectly normal a month later. I know him very well and know he is a scumbag. He has never made a decision in his life always obeying his mother and father rarely voicing his opinion. Heck they have chosen the school he attends and his degree. Talking about school he barely gets by with about a 2.2 gpa and is honestly quite stupid I would tutor him in upper division business math while I am still a senior in high school. He would often brag to me about how he does adderall frequently and talked about selling it during finals like he was a genius business man. All the while a laughed and edged him on as a peer not knowing his level of betrayal. I often questioned him about why he would hang out with us telling him to go out to bars with his friends his age and stuff like that. I overtime began to realize that he was very childish and immature and hung out with us because his level of maturity was not adequate for most people his age. I began hanging out with him when I was about 15 and since then have outgrown him in my own level of maturity. Often feeling like I was hanging out with freshman when I was around him. Which has led to my recent separation from the group to other friends that are more like minded. Back to the relationship I do not like it because he is a terrible influence on my sister and she does not see it. Considering they got together when she was vulnerable. In the last year or so my sister has changed a lot. She went from outgoing (usto go out with school friends) and preppy to hipster and bitchy. She is difficult to talk to secretive and headstrong. She has gone from wanting to attend high quality school (which she can get into) to wishing to attend the above mediocre state school here at home. I have voiced my opinion not as harshly as I have put it here to avoid hurt feelings but they disregarded it. Every single person that I have spoken to that is in our larger peer group ages 16-24 have agreed with me thinking he is scummy and not a good fit for my sister. The thing that makes me most mad is he did not ask permission. Which I know sounds somewhat medieval but in this situation was warranted. So people of the internet how do I deal with this problem.
What state do you live in? What’s the age of consent?
A teenager going through personality changes… go figure.
Actually, no, he doesn’t need your permission to go out with your sister. Get over it. If it turns out they’re having sex and she’s not old enough to consent, call the cops. Otherwise get over it. You are not the boss of her.
Trying to get them to break up will only backfire, most likely. Best to mind your own business. Most young people go through stuff like this, and most turn out fine – and even smarter for having been through it.
Edited to add: but thanks for including his gpa. Had it been 2.1 or lower, my answer would have been that it’s totally your business and you should get involved.
From experience, if you try to tell your sister that she shouldn’t date him, she may end up dating him longer than she normally would just to spite you and show you who has control of her life. Most 16 year old girls do not form long lasting relationships and this relationship that your sister is in will most likely only last a year or two or even less. This assumes that you let it run its course and do not meddle.
I don’t get it. Why ISN’T it his business? It’s his sister. She’s a minor, still learning the Ways of the World. Shouldn’t one look out for one’s siblings? Especially before they do something that could have lasting effects?
Maybe this wall-o-text OP isn’t the hill I should choose to “die” on, but really, the SD is always so quick to play the MYOB card. Maybe this guy comes across a bit control-freakish, but he thinks he needs to at least guide and help his sister. He needs real advice, some of which is to back off a bit, but some should help his sister as well.
If the boyfriend is abusive to her, or doing something that negatively affects her (introducing her to drugs & alcohol, encouraging her to initiate in bad behavior, etc.), then I’d agree with you. But, otherwise, I think OP should just grit his teeth and bite his tongue. It sounds like she’s just going through the usual cycle that high school kids do.
I’m another vote for “don’t say anything and give it time.”
In over half the country, age of consent is 16, so, she probably is old enough. OP didn’t say where they are, or whether or not his sister’s having sex with the guy.
Is she allowed to decide whom you date? When you were sixteen, would it have been okay?
She’s 16, she’s at the perfect age to learn her own dating lessons. That’s how she’ll get to be more mature. If you don’t want her to make bad dating choices in the years ahead you’d better let her learn now.
I am very surprised that the general reaction is so negative to the OP and the MYOB stuff.
To me he should absolutely have a conversation with his sister about the dangers of dating at her age.
I’m not saying he should say “you can’t do this” or anything like that, but she’s 16 and he’s 22. He’s no more “mature” or “ready for this world” than anyone else and I cannot imagine and OP has even stated how bad of a person this guy is.
You know what’s pretty awesome to do in the guy world? Take virginities. You know what’s pretty awesome to do in the guy world these days (not that I agree)? Sleep with a 16 year old girl.
He can’t tell her what to do, but he needs to make sure she knows to be careful. I generally have zero faith in humanity, so I’m betting this guy just wants to pork/use a 16 year old and put another notch on his bedpost
Maybe that’s her motive to, so what’s wrong with that? It’s her decision and her life. Maybe she wants an older boyfriend because all the the ones her age are dweebs who don’t know a thing about sex and figures an older guy might know how to treat her. Maybe it’s a mistake or maybe it will be the best thing that could have happened to her, that’s how life works. You get to make choices in life and you live and learn from them; you don’t mature by allowing other people to make these choices for you. The brother has made his position clear to his sister and she has made her choice, now he comes here looking to find justification for his interference in her affairs. Aint gonna happen.